btvdts Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 so I've been reading a lot of these threads and I notice one thing. If the guy is the dumper, a lot of times he makes contact soon after the bu. if its the girl, most of the time, the guy never hears from her again. Sup with this?
FortunateSon Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 (edited) Not sure I would agree. As a man, anytime I have been dumped from any sort of significant relationship, the girl/dumper has ALWAYS come back in some capacity, often for a second chance. In my two longest relationships, both 6 years, I was the dumpee and the female dumpers in both came back for second chance after I left them alone and gave them space. Edited December 10, 2013 by FortunateSon
GeneralJennyJenn Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 I was both the dumpee (1st ex, together almost 7 years) and dumper (2nd ex, together about 6 years). In both cases I immediately went for NC. I think it was an instinctive response on my behalf. Once the breakup occurs all trust is lost. And I personally can't go from being the most important person in their life to meh a friend. I just don't trust my exes and I should've stuck to my rule is with the 2nd ex is 'no we cannot be friends' I do not have children, a house or bonds of marriage so no need for further interaction. My 2nd ex is the one who keeps contacting me. I have pretty much never initiated contact with him, he always starts. But now I am learning to maintain NC for my own well being and to free myself up for a great relationship with the next guy besides I realize LC is way worse than NC. And the only one benefiting from it was my ex, I don't need him in my life and have been much happier without him in it. They say men can't be alone, I somewhat agree. Partly because women in general or more social then men. And in my own experience I see two types of guys 1st type is the loner, has a handful of friends but primarily his gf/wife is his main social interaction and also designated social planner. These guys are extremely loyal and really make their partners feel important but do not seem as well adjusted. 2nd type is the team player, has lots of friends, probably part of a frat in college, maybe comes from a large Catholic family is used to many people around. These guys are more sensitive and understanding but their loyalty can be fickle. I believe the 1st type of guy is the one who usually reaches out to the ex or jumps into the next relationship much more quickly, they really don't want to be alone. I could be wrong but that's my take on it.
Qactus Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 I was both the dumpee (1st ex, together almost 7 years) and dumper (2nd ex, together about 6 years). In both cases I immediately went for NC. I think it was an instinctive response on my behalf. Once the breakup occurs all trust is lost. And I personally can't go from being the most important person in their life to meh a friend. I just don't trust my exes and I should've stuck to my rule is with the 2nd ex is 'no we cannot be friends' I do not have children, a house or bonds of marriage so no need for further interaction. My 2nd ex is the one who keeps contacting me. I have pretty much never initiated contact with him, he always starts. But now I am learning to maintain NC for my own well being and to free myself up for a great relationship with the next guy besides I realize LC is way worse than NC. And the only one benefiting from it was my ex, I don't need him in my life and have been much happier without him in it. They say men can't be alone, I somewhat agree. Partly because women in general or more social then men. And in my own experience I see two types of guys 1st type is the loner, has a handful of friends but primarily his gf/wife is his main social interaction and also designated social planner. These guys are extremely loyal and really make their partners feel important but do not seem as well adjusted. 2nd type is the team player, has lots of friends, probably part of a frat in college, maybe comes from a large Catholic family is used to many people around. These guys are more sensitive and understanding but their loyalty can be fickle. I believe the 1st type of guy is the one who usually reaches out to the ex or jumps into the next relationship much more quickly, they really don't want to be alone. I could be wrong but that's my take on it. maybe you are right and probably i'm the type 1 guy. I really want to go back into relation but with my EX. Thats the problem. I'm in NC its almost 3rd month. Time will pass and i hope to heal and come out of this soon. fingers crossed. 3
Never Again Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 Eh. My ex called me the day after asking to talk the following week - I was in denial and thought it was a chance to work things out. She reached out to me the week after that, and a week and a half after that. Chased me around a social gathering too. It really depends on the ex. 1
2fargone Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 All of my exes came back to try again, except for one and I can't blame her. With the last one, I don't expect her back either but that's for different reasons. 1
rec88 Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 I think that's too big a generalization. It depends too much on the individuals in the relationship to simplify into specific response according to gender. I'm a guy and I'm on board with Jenn. I'm not up for being friends or making meaningless contact just because I'm confused at the moment, so my ex won't hear from me. It doesn't mean that I'm over anything, it just means that I understand that my ex can't offer any support. That understanding comes with experience for both men and women. Some learn faster than others. But I have to disagree with her view that 'women are more social than men' and the types. I've seen nothing in my life to suggest that this is a concrete trend. The assumptions are unrelated to the conclusions. For example, you can classify someone as type A or type B personality, but that doesn't mean you can conclude anything about that individual's loyalty, understanding or compassion. There are too many variables in a persons life to say that event X will result in outcome Y. If you're looking for a concrete trend, I'd consider age, behavior patterns and emotional development/stage in life, etc. People with less relationship experience, less emotional awareness, and less empathy are probably more likely to contact you soon after a breakup. Well developed people are more likely to have a comprehensive view of the situation and won't be as indecisive. 1
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