What is wrong with you people !

[loveiswar101]

This is the second time in 4 months I have been back to this site. My girl left me 4 months back but I managed to get her back by contacting her and trying to make amends. Now she came back then and obviously I didn't change enough to keep her.

 

She left me last Friday, few things were said but nothing really really nasty, yes I was untrustworthy by checking her phone but were all human and make mistakes. If I had cheated or beat her fair enough, but I didn't. When she phoned at the end she said she loved me and I believe she does, but just wasn't doing the right things at the right time, I agree, I was selfish.

 

Now everyone say NC and I believe that right for both of us to get our heads sorted and she definitely needs space. But if she loves me and I love her why don't I reach out. Yes she can not reach back but atleast Ive tried.

 

Get a bit angry when nearly all of you say no, don't do it. Many of you have done plenty of post here and responses to others, surely if you left on reasonable terms you would of wanted your partner back. Yeah for sure it takes 2 but only 1 to make a move.

 

I have wrote a letter accepting what has happened, ask for forgiveness as I know I did wrong, i will give it, not yet but when I feel right. If I get no response at least I will know where I stand and can move on.

 

You guys need to give hope occasionally to some of us...

[sambo77]

"You guys need to give hope occasionally to some of us..."

 

I understand what you're saying. But I don't want hope (a). I want my ex back (b). And in my case "a" is not synonymous with "b." Hence, "a" is useless to me :-(

[MoveAlong]

I ended on good terms but there is really nothing left to be done. My ex knows exactly how I feel...she isn't dumb. And regardless of how I feel, if she wanted to reach out, I'm a few digits away. If she can text me for the holiday, she can find me if she wants to try again.

 

There is no right answer, but for me, I haven't said anything because I think it's clear where I stand. She knows how I feel. The best thing now is to do me.

[Balzac]

Put your tooth under your pillow and sleep peacefully. Check under your pillow in the morning. No money? Repeat.

[loveiswar101]

You will never change enough to keep her. You convinced her to come back to you against her will when she came out of the funk she dumped you again.

 

 

Yes I can change and have changed heaps. I left her last time, she left me this time.

 

Proves my point negative negative negative

[MoveAlong]

"You guys need to give hope occasionally to some of us..."

 

I understand what you're saying. But I don't want hope (a). I want my ex back (b). And in my case "a" is not synonymous with "b." Hence, "a" is useless to me :-(

 

Well said. Hope is the enemy. I, too, still love and miss my ex. But this is the point where there is nothing to do but move on and improve yourself. If she changes her mind about things, you'll have become a better and stronger person. That's when you can reevaluate.

[loveiswar101]

I'm not a brat I someone who loves another who said they love me. I'm looking for hope and I thank you for the quick replies but not one is positive.

 

Isn't our goal come her fix our problems and hopefully never return again.

[organizedchaos]

You want to know what happens when you comstantly reach out to someone who doesn't want it? You become a stalker.

 

You know what you look like when you reach out to someone who has rejected you? Needy and pathetic.

 

You know what you look like when you come on here and take out your emotions on a collective of people who are also hurting? A brat.

 

You want to reach out? Go for it. But don't say you weren't warned.

 

 

 

Well said. I like your style

[Chi townD]

We give people hope all the time. But, more importantly, we give them the opportunity to become empowered again.

 

Hey, you want to contact your Ex? Go right ahead! You did! And you got her back! Good for you! (but...you lost her again.)

 

This is an advice forum and not the law. If you don't want to follow the advice given then...don't!

 

But, don't you think that it's odd that the vast majority of EVERYONE on here says that NC is the way to go when we're dumped? Could it be that some of them know what they're talking about through personal experiences?

[loveiswar101]

You want to know what happens when you constantly reach out to someone who doesn't want it? You become a stalker.

 

 

I'm talking one letter, say in a few weeks to a month, I'm not phoning messaging emailing nothing to then as I understand she needs space.

 

One letter - Stalking :-0

[Blastbeat]

I reached out to my ex and she said she couldn't see us getting back together. This gave me closure. Reach out once if you really have to, but leave it at that. She since then contacted me asking why I blocked her on FB and that she's glad I unblocked her but I didn't reply. This gave me satisfaction. Don't let her know you're waiting on her. Move on

[Blastbeat]

When you REALLY don't want to talk to someone, one text, one phone call, one letter, is one too many. Be on the receiving end of it and then get back to me.

 

Although I agree with most of your advice, contacting your ex once is not stalking. Whether it's bad for you or not, it's definitely not stalking.

[mtnbiker3000]

Proves my point negative negative negative

 

Correction: Reality, reality, reality

 

Join us down here on terra firma

[loveiswar101]

Blastbeat, thanks. I guess I want closure. Two nights before Im in her kitchen cooking dinner for her and her boys. No respect for me I believe to very harsh.

 

I will wait few weeks if get nothing so closure it will be but atleast i can move on.

Edited December 10, 2013 by loveiswar101

[Blastbeat]

Ok Guitarheroine I think I misread your comment before. I see what you mean.

 

LOVEISWAR:

The truth hurts. It hurts for a reason. You know what she is feeling when she dumps you? Relief. After a few weeks she will start to miss you. But that doesn't mean she wants you. It's called a stalemate. That is if you leave her alone. Your second chance is gone. As soon as you start contacting her again, you are reassuring her she made the right choice. This is giving her a checkmate. You are making her feel good, while making yourself feel s***.

This is why NC is important. Give yourself the power and MOVE ON. This is what makes you a desirable man, you are showing her you're mentally strong by moving on.

If you act this way every time a woman dumps you, you will ultimately fail in life, and relationships. NC. NC. NC. All the way.

[sambo77]

Yes I can change and have changed heaps. I left her last time, she left me this time.

 

Proves my point negative negative negative

 

Look mate...I'm not against an alternative way of approaching a breakup. Sure, there's a consensus on here which may or may not be for you.

 

Nothing's a given in this life and I'm sure in certain cases, for certain people, your approach might end up with a wedding, grandchildren, and ultimately a double plot at the cemetery for you both.

 

It might not too.

 

But I guess you gotta go with what feels right to YOU...in the same way my Dad's made the choice to keep smoking 20 x day, despite the barrage of advice against it.

 

They say that the greatest regret of dying people is not having the courage to do what they felt was true to THEM, bowing instead to the pressure and whims of others. If you're so adamant you wanna keep resuscitating this one with CPR for a while longer...go for it. But not sure why you'd expect a cheerleading squad for it on LS...given what you already know is the consensus here?

[Blastbeat]

Closure is like vomit, it comes from within (thanks TaraMaiden).

 

It made me feel good though, I waited a month before contacting her, and it was short and to the point. She since has been making half ass attempts at gaining my attention, which she will not get. I am dating someone else now.

[loveiswar101]

Closure is like vomit, it comes from within (thanks TaraMaiden).

 

You need to look at the light dude. Closure is not like vomit. It puts people at ease and lets them understand where they are.

 

You have no idea of what we went through, achieved together, the list is long and meaningful I believe to both of us.

 

Well in a month Im happy to try and burn my fingers again one last time !

[mtnbiker3000]

You can't 'save' a relationship that has already ended...

[Blastbeat]

You need to look at the light dude. Closure is not like vomit. It puts people at ease and lets them understand where they are.

 

You have no idea of what we went through, achieved together, the list is long and meaningful I believe to both of us.

 

Well in a month Im happy to try and burn my fingers again one last time !

 

Don't misunderstand me. If you are going to try and get her back in a month you are getting your hopes up. I contacted my ex in confidence, without being needy. I was polite and kept it short. When she said she didn't want to see me again romantically it was a short pain but I am 30 years old and dealt with this situation MANY times. I've seen other guys do this and they lose control of the situation and start telling them all sorts of crazy things.

All I said was "that's ok, I hope you find someone that makes you happy."

Stalemate, mate. Now she is randomly liking my old comments on FB, obviously pining for me. BUT I HAVE MOVED ON> I don't need her and her undecisive nature. Two times break up is your situation. Let it be, look forward to the next lady.

[MoveAlong]

End of the day, you do whatever you want. Life is full of surprises, but I've had enough of them. NC keeps my life simpler so I can stand up stronger tomorrow. I've gone guns blazing before, and it's what probably brought me here in the first place.

[Blastbeat]

I don't get guys that can't get over a girlfriend after a couple months. Unless it's a very long term relationship, you just need to focus on holding yourself on a pedestal instead of your ex. 99% of relationships come to an end at some point before one or both of you die. In that light, if you are young you should appreciate that if you can get a girlfriend, YOU CAN GET ANOTHER ONE!

[Never Again]

Twice.....

 

The second stab should've been the fatal one.

 

OP, it's dead and gone.

 

Could you have something in the future? Eh.

 

Maybe? You might've had a chance had she come back on her own and the problems that caused the breakup were really resolved.

 

I have no idea if you coerced her to come back when you contacted her before, but whatever made her leave you before was still there.

 

Honestly, you had your second chance. It didn't work.

 

I have seen several relationships come back stronger and better the second time around. But the third/forth/nth time? Not so much.

[Never Again]

I don't get guys that can't get over a girlfriend after a couple months. Unless it's a very long term relationship, you just need to focus on holding yourself on a pedestal instead of your ex. 99% of relationships come to an end at some point before one or both of you die. In that light, if you are young you should appreciate that if you can get a girlfriend, YOU CAN GET ANOTHER ONE!

 

Eh.

 

Sometimes it's codependency.

 

Sometimes it's loneliness or fear.

 

Sometimes it's just hard to let go of the story you created in your head about what the future could've been like.

 

Personally...I miss my best friend. It's 6 months post BU and that's where I got stuck for awhile.

 

Depends on the dynamics of the relationship I guess.

[Never Again]

The next move is 100% hers. Not the OP's. This is not like those stupid self-help get-your-ex-back things where they urge that "Someone has to make the first move!" This is finished, in terms of any action that he can take. Any more pleading on the OP's part just reinforces neediness.

 

Agreed.

 

I've said it before and I'll say it again:

 

Dumpers can SMELL desperation from a mile away.

 

No matter what you think you're saying to them, they'll know and they'll reject you again and run further away.

 

Letting go is the only thing to do.