lookingglass88 Posted December 9, 2013 Posted December 9, 2013 (edited) Almost 3 months after we broke up, my ex has finally cut off contact, blocking my number/fb/instagram etc. I really have no idea what to do and am having trouble even beginning to pick up the pieces and move on. I've posted about this on here before, but for a little backstory... my ex and I both just started college 6 hours away from each other. 3 months ago I broke up with him after cheating on him (one time drunken kiss at a party)...at that point he still wanted to work things out and stay together but I didn't, because I thought that bcuz of jealousy/trust issues he had pre-cheating w/ me there was no way he'd get over this and we'd be happy...no way we'd be able to have an LDR w/o trust. I was also confused. Why would I have cheated on him if I really cared about him? I didn't want to commit back to the LDR if I was unsure, didn't want to hurt him again, so I left. We decided to have NC for 3 weeks following the breakup. After reflecting on everything that happened for that 3-week period I totally regretted all of my decisions. We had a bunch of problems in our relationship but I really wanted to work things out anyway. When I started talking to him again, he had had a complete change of heart and really hated me. For the past two months he's been vacillating between telling me I need to "fix things" and "win him back" and that I need to just get out of his life. I've read a lot of stuff on these forums re: repairing relationships after cheating and have basically put all of my effort into making him feel appreciated/loved, even traveling to his college to visit him for a weekend. I talked to him last night and he was about to block my number saying it was never going to work when I sent him a very long txt explaining how I was dedicated/didn't want to give up/would do anything to be with him again and we deserve a second chance for how happy we used to be. He agreed not to block me...and then barely twenty minutes later said he couldn't keep talking to me, had to "stay strong" and make me leave. Said it would never work while I still went to college with this guy who I cheated on him with...one of the last things he said to me was he was going to find another girl, one who was nicer than me...said "there are lots of girls here who are nicer than you" and "i'll give you names if you like so you can look them up"/generally trying to make me upset so i'd say something mean but i didn't...i asked him nicely not to be nasty and said i forgived him/still love him/would wait until he came back...now I'm completely blocked I don't know what to do because it really feels like I won't be able to move on from this. He's made it very clear that if I were to hook up with another person he'd never get back with me. Idk what to do because he was my best friend and I feel like I've lost such a huge part of my life...I know he can't be with me right now, possibly ever...I just don't know what to do because all I can think is there has to be some way to fix this if we both still really love each other. i think about this all the time and it is preventing me from otherwise getting stuff done, everything reminds me of him and all i can think about is how much i regret ever hurting/breaking up with him/how much of a terrible person i am/how i could make up for it w/ him. constantly. i'm in therapy for all of this and it's been helpful but is a slow process. any advice? Edited December 9, 2013 by lookingglass88
mirage12 Posted December 9, 2013 Posted December 9, 2013 Let him go. Not to be harsh, but as a guy/from his perspective, he probably won't ever be able to completely trust you again. I know I wouldn't if it happened to me, so there is always going to be that black mark on any possible future relationship you might have with him.
Author lookingglass88 Posted January 12, 2014 Author Posted January 12, 2014 Thanks for responding @mirage, definitely I do need that kind of harsh perspective right now/can't keep looking at this situation through rose-colored glasses, so to speak. tho
Sasukie Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 ^ as per above. You hear stories of people who "can" work things out after cheating. I don't believe in that crap. Relationships are fragile as is, and they revolve around being able to confide in your significant other and "trust" them. The fact that you let your moral compass go wild once, its enough to let most decent guys kick you out the door. Learn from your mistake, sorry to be harsh.
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