ss1891 Posted December 9, 2013 Posted December 9, 2013 Four months ago, I came to this website after reaching the lowest point in my life. I remember thinking that nothing would make me feel better and all these posts about people moving on were total lies. Four months ago, if you had told me that I would eventually get over my ex, I would have laughed. If you told me this two weeks ago, you would have gotten the same reaction. I fell desperately in love with him and I was convinced that I would never feel the same way about anyone again. I promised myself that if I ever made it out of this, I would write to people going through the same thing and share my story of how I moved on. It's not easy by any means. Rejection really does feel like physical pain and you spend months agonizing over every little detail of the relationship. You switch between wondering whether or not you did something wrong and bouts of rage because you can't believe he left you. You wish that it would all just end. People advise you to just distract yourself and find other passions. This piece of advice didn't help me. For the most part, I did try pursuing other passions but they always reminded me of him. Going out and meeting friends doesn't seem like fun when all you want to do was stay at home and wish it would all end. I tried the whole "work on loving yourself" cliche and that was a bust. I tried blocking him on all websites but that just made me even more obsessed to find out what he was up to. The thing that really worked for me was the realization that it is necessary to experience the pain in its entirety before you can really move on. I imagined that my sadness was a bag full of water with a tiny opening. The water drains slowly over time but eventually, the bag is empty and ready to start a new life. There is no quick way to let all that water out at once...you just have to take it day by day and let it go as best as you can. There is no point in filling the bag with even more water because your eventual goal is to drain it completely. One day, you will eventually realize that you've stopped thinking about him less and you honestly could care less what he does. I've thankfully reached that point and for the most part, I've moved on. After the four month post breakup mark, I created an online dating profile (initially just to spite him) but that turned into conversations with some really wonderful people. I don't know if those conversations will turn into meaningful relationships, but they will surely get me headed in the right direction. Until then, take it day by day and do the things that give you happiness. Realize that this pain will eventually subside and you can finally start living your life on YOUR terms. 4
ponchsox Posted December 9, 2013 Posted December 9, 2013 Great post! This site has done wonders for my recovery and moving on with my life as well. I was shocked to hear how many people experienced the same type of breakup I did. I am also back in the dating game and this time I feel much more in control and actually enjoying it! I will no longer break my boundaries for ANYONE.
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