polynomial Posted December 9, 2013 Posted December 9, 2013 Just.. someone tell me not to and that it will get better.. I don't know.. I really miss him and just want to talk.. But I realise I can't heal if I break NC. Someone please convince me not to break it please
Thedafox Posted December 9, 2013 Posted December 9, 2013 Message a friend, a family member. Do NOT contact your ex, it'll just make you worse. If you have Skype, you're more than welcome to message me, Thedafox44
LostConfused123 Posted December 9, 2013 Posted December 9, 2013 Just.. someone tell me not to and that it will get better.. I don't know.. I really miss him and just want to talk.. But I realise I can't heal if I break NC. Someone please convince me not to break it please Think of the worst thing that can come of contacting him! He tells you to bugger off! He tells you he's in love with a new girl! He tells you you're pathetic and to move on! (YOU ARE NOT OF COURSE, but he could say that) I could go on and on.....lots of horrific things could come of it. SILENCE SPEAKS VOLUMES!! OR....he completely ignores you! You will feel a million times worse! STAY STRONG! YOU CAN DO IT!!! ((hugs!))
Author polynomial Posted December 9, 2013 Author Posted December 9, 2013 Yeah I know I'll probably feel worse, since this is not his first time dumping me, I've done this before and last time he ditched me and I broke no contact, I barely got a response and felt sooo awful afterwards.. I just feel like, this cannot be it, my heart refuses to accept that this is the end, that we'll never getting back together and I just.. I don't know what to do..
ponchsox Posted December 9, 2013 Posted December 9, 2013 Breaking NC is a lose/lose proposition. 1. They ignore you and it makes you angry/sad 2. They respond with something meaningless like "hey" and you expect more 3. Or even worse, you find out they have found someone else. 4. In the smallest chance they start a conversation with you, they will control you and start the hurting process all over again. 2
Zahara Posted December 9, 2013 Posted December 9, 2013 In 1.5 years he's broken up with you 5 times. I think you're holding on to the idea that after 5 times, he'll be back again. Time to accept that even if he came back, it'll just be an utter waste of time. Unless you want to get dumped for the 6th time. Cut the cord. Quit the insane cycle. NC is hard. No one said it's easy. It's detoxing yourself from an addiction. Only way to get NC to work is to feel that pain and push through. Or you could contact him again and prepare yourself for him to dump in a few more months. That would be delaying the inevatible. Now is the time. Push through. 1
TanTry Posted December 9, 2013 Posted December 9, 2013 Well done for posting here first! That means you are making a choice to stop yourself I am in the same boat at the minute, the NC boat and I feel like breaking it too SO SO much but you have to stop yourself Just think of how you will fell afterwards Im sorry I dont have much advice as I am feeling the same but we are all in this together
LostConfused123 Posted December 9, 2013 Posted December 9, 2013 Yeah I know I'll probably feel worse, since this is not his first time dumping me, I've done this before and last time he ditched me and I broke no contact, I barely got a response and felt sooo awful afterwards.. I just feel like, this cannot be it, my heart refuses to accept that this is the end, that we'll never getting back together and I just.. I don't know what to do.. You did the right thing by posting here instead. Many struggle with this daily. Myself included. I have almost broken it many times but I keep visualizing him saying something devastating and ask myself if I could handle that. It's always "NO" At least by going strict NC I still have my dignity. Even though it HURTS!!!
Midwest Wtiter Posted December 9, 2013 Posted December 9, 2013 I'm in the same situation. Went a full week of NC. He sent me an email last Friday, some nonsense crap, "Did you see the accident on Miller?" Just to contact me. He was the one who said we should see other people, not my idea. On Saturday I had a few drinks and texted him. I stopped at his place to pick up a pair of jeans I left after he told he they were there. BIG MISTAKE. By the end of last week, I was feeling in control, really felt like I was moving on. He assumed I was "in a relationship" with someone else after two weeks and implied he was too. It was crushing... and today all I can do is cry and mope around my house. I feel like a trapped animal. That is one of the downsides of breaking NC. If he even hints he is seeing someone else and you weren't ready to hear that it's going to hurt. I spend the whole day assuming he is and wondered if he's already in love with her.
ponchsox Posted December 9, 2013 Posted December 9, 2013 I'm in the same situation. Went a full week of NC. He sent me an email last Friday, some nonsense crap, "Did you see the accident on Miller?" Just to contact me. He was the one who said we should see other people, not my idea. On Saturday I had a few drinks and texted him. I stopped at his place to pick up a pair of jeans I left after he told he they were there. BIG MISTAKE. By the end of last week, I was feeling in control, really felt like I was moving on. He assumed I was "in a relationship" with someone else after two weeks and implied he was too. It was crushing... and today all I can do is cry and mope around my house. I feel like a trapped animal. That is one of the downsides of breaking NC. If he even hints he is seeing someone else and you weren't ready to hear that it's going to hurt. I spend the whole day assuming he is and wondered if he's already in love with her. By staying NC, I'm taking control of my life and what I want. Breaking NC is caving to them and won't give them that satisfaction. 3
Author polynomial Posted December 10, 2013 Author Posted December 10, 2013 (edited) My ex dumped me 2 weeks ago. Couple of days ago he started talking to me on facebook, saying I left some shirts at his place and he wants to bring them to me. He's always so busy with work so basically he said he'd bring them over but after 3 days he still hadn't so I said I don't want the shirts and that I don't want to see him etc. That was when I felt that talking to him set me aback and the healing process degenerated. So I blocked him. But now, suddenly, I feel that was so mean of me, because he was very nice and said he still worries about me etc. I know it's all bullcrap and I don't need this but.. I don't know.. Someone help me justify blocking him so abruptly. Edited December 10, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Edit title and merge
reddragon588 Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 He deleted you in real life, you deleted him on Facebook. Which one is meaner again? 10
crazybestie101 Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 Suddenly, blocking him on fb seems so unnecessarily mean.. * Correction * My ex dumped me 2 weeks ago. Couple of days ago he started talking to me on facebook, saying I left some shirts at his place and he wants to bring them to me. He's always so busy with work so basically he said he'd bring them over but after 3 days he still hadn't so I said I don't want the shirts and that I don't want to see him etc. That was when I felt that talking to him set me aback and the healing process degenerated. So I blocked him. But now, suddenly, I feel that was so mean of me, because he was very nice and said he still worries about me etc. I know it's all bullcrap and I don't need this but.. I don't know.. Someone help me justify blocking him so abruptly. Why would you want to be nice to person who dumped you. When 2 people are in relation , obviously everything will be good and he will nice too. They were nice times and thing got bad and he chose to dump you. He put himself above you. Now he is not nice to you any more. There is no point of being nice to him and all. If you need just delete and block him. neither me nor my ex have blocked each other because we don't share anything public on FB so we wont know what we up to. 1
organizedchaos Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 Why would you want to be nice to person who dumped you. When 2 people are in relation , obviously everything will be good and he will nice too. They were nice times and thing got bad and he chose to dump you. He put himself above you. Now he is not nice to you any more. There is no point of being nice to him and all. If you need just delete and block him. neither me nor my ex have blocked each other because we don't share anything public on FB so we wont know what we up to. Yeah, I haven't blocked my ex on FB for that same reason. She doesn't post anything publicly and I disconnected from her friends so blocking seems unnecessary in my situation. I did instagram block bc she was still liking my photos even though we weren't connected and I didn't want her to have any access to what's going on in my life at all. I debated that thinking, maybe she should see what she's missing. But better to disappear completely and let her mind wander, I guess. 1
Author polynomial Posted December 10, 2013 Author Posted December 10, 2013 Feeling quite blah today.. I don't want to contact him per se, as I know nothing good can come out of it and I'll probably end up feeling worse. But I just miss him. I miss everything we *could* have been, although realistically I know since it hasn't worked out the previous times(!) there actually isn't anything we could have been since we're obviously not compatible.. but the what-ifs are lingering my mind..
LostConfused123 Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 Feeling quite blah today.. I don't want to contact him per se, as I know nothing good can come out of it and I'll probably end up feeling worse. But I just miss him. I miss everything we *could* have been, although realistically I know since it hasn't worked out the previous times(!) there actually isn't anything we could have been since we're obviously not compatible.. but the what-ifs are lingering my mind.. Squash the what ifs! I know, so much easier said than done. I still struggle with that one daily. It will get better. I'm having less and less of those moments and trying to replace them with WHAT WILL BE. . . with someone even better. Even though it seems unthinkable now. Stay strong! (hugs!!) by the way, you made it another day NC!! That's huge and you should be proud of yourself! It's not easy! 2
JDPT Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 Own NC and internalize that you are fully adhering to it for you and no one else but you. It's imperative that you maintain strict vigilance and and not give it. I commend you for posting here as opposed to contacting him, you have saved yourself future grief. Additionally, understand that it's a choice to remain in a path of excruciating pain or recovery. Think about this distinction, be gentle with yourself and don't become anxious. You have a long and better future to pave. 3
MoveAlong Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 NC gets easier day by day. The first 4 weeks, I wanted to call, text, smoke signal, and ESP my ex. It was brutal. It finally subsided because I needed time to settle myself down. Do I still want to contact my ex? Not really. The best thing to do is to evaluate why you are doing NC (read NC guide), and then carry on with your life.
Author polynomial Posted December 10, 2013 Author Posted December 10, 2013 I wonder why my two posts got merged into one
Just smile Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 I want to break NC bad but I won't....yesterday was a very hard day for me. Missing him terribly, it's like im going through an addiction to heroine. I feel helpless and sad, but I will not break contact. I keep telling myself if he wanted me bad enough he would call me. And he has not. I'm setting him free. 1
fixing Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 Exactly. Think of it like this. Your ex hasnt contacted you right? That means he doesnt care about you and is not thinking about you. So why break NC and boost his ****ty ego even more? The only saving grace right now is for you to give him fk all attention. That will secretly start eroding away any ego he already has. 2
Author polynomial Posted December 10, 2013 Author Posted December 10, 2013 Exactly. Think of it like this. Your ex hasnt contacted you right? That means he doesnt care about you and is not thinking about you. So why break NC and boost his ****ty ego even more? The only saving grace right now is for you to give him fk all attention. That will secretly start eroding away any ego he already has. I think he is thinking about me, but he knows as we have no possibility to get back together there is no point in contacting & hurting me all over again..
Author polynomial Posted December 10, 2013 Author Posted December 10, 2013 why do i have this uncontrollable urge to tell him how much i miss him ughh:mad::mad:
LostConfused123 Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 why do i have this uncontrollable urge to tell him how much i miss him ughh:mad::mad: My guess is because you think he will reciprocate those feelings and everything will be great again. Plus it would put an end to your pain. At least that's how I felt when I wanted to tell him I missed him. BUT thank God I didn't because unfortunately, I don't think it would go the way I hoped. You are doing great!! Give yourself some time. ((hugs))
Author polynomial Posted December 11, 2013 Author Posted December 11, 2013 My guess is because you think he will reciprocate those feelings and everything will be great again. Plus it would put an end to your pain. At least that's how I felt when I wanted to tell him I missed him. BUT thank God I didn't because unfortunately, I don't think it would go the way I hoped. You are doing great!! Give yourself some time. ((hugs)) thank you for your support! *sigh* today is hard again. I made a special folder where i write simple notepad files whenever i feel the urge to break nc.
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