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Have you ever been the subject of unrequited love?

Meadowgreen

By Meadowgreen
in General Relationship Discussion

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Meadowgreen Established Member

Meadowgreen

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Hi all

 

I was just curious to know if any of you have ever been the subject of unrequited love. It's such a complicated subject and it would be interesting to look at it from the perspective of people on the receiving end of unwanted attention.

 

You may have seen my very first thread here on LS where I recently had to block and delete a person from my past that I once had unwanted feelings for. It's been 1 month since I told him to sling it and I feel brilliant as I've been taking the time to work on my own self-esteem issues and deal with the fact his rejection of me had been affecting me for years:

 

An unrequited love I can't shake off

 

I realised that this dude was not the friend I thought he was and despite not returning my affections all those years ago, he still saw fit to keep me around as an ego booster and sister figure to go to for advice and a shoulder to cry on. This wouldn't be so bad if he constantly bragged to me about the women he was banging. Not very sensitive, right?

 

Anyway I digress.

 

How did being the subject of unrequited love make you feel?

 

Flattered? Uncomfortable? Betrayed? Like God's gift?

 

All of the above?

 

Did you ever friendzone someone and end up regretting it? Or maybe it's the opposite, are you glad you friendzoned them rather than cause more problems? Have you ever had an unwanted admirer NC you and been hurt by it?

 

Maybe you're dealing with someone's unrequited affections right now. What are you doing about it?

 

Please share.

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Meadowgreen Established Member

Meadowgreen

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story of my life :rolleyes:

 

Oh? Tell us more!

emva07 Established Member

emva07

Posted
Posted (edited)
Oh? Tell us more!

 

I had some sexual tension with a guy from work....I guess you could say we were friends....things didn't work out but he said he didn't want to lose me as a friend....like your story....in the process of staying friends I had to hear all about the girls he found hot, who he'd ****....and just watch him flirt with every girl....it made me mad but I did nothing about it because I didn't want to sound like a desperate little jealous girl.

 

Eventually there was a new coworker who became the new me I suppose...I heard all about it....he would even say stuff like "I flirt with her like you won't believe! I never flirted with you" (lie), she is so hot and intelligent this that and the other.

 

He tried so hard to make me feel that he didn't want me that he had to offend me in the process so I finally cut him off, he got mad (because he got caught in the game)

 

Feel so much better now, don't have time for people like that in my life.

 

I guess it wasn't unrequited "love" but still...unrequited something, lol.

Edited by emva07
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FrostBlaze Established Member

FrostBlaze

Posted
Posted

Been there, am at it right now as i can't get over her.

Loved her, she never did, toward the end she acted like a bitch toward me but i still couldn't make myself hate her.(we cut contact)

I tried to forget but i just can't.

I find her everywhere i go, meet older friends that knew us and ask about her so i get reminded.

Things we're going okay for the past week, today i just remembered her again and got really angry and sad, but i've shed enough tears for one woman so i can't cry yet, despite some attempts.

 

And i can't let go soo, unrequited love sucks, oh and she is the first girl i ever loved why i find it so hard. I never did for others, i would be over it in 1 week post bu.

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Elliotte Established Member

Elliotte

Posted
Posted

I had a fling with this one woman who was overtly head over heels for me. We both knew it was going to end, she was moving in a few months. But the way she treated me so lovingly made me feel like ending it much earlier, my way of "taking the easy way out". I tried remaining friends with her, and I certainly didn't shove who I was dating in her face.

 

Anytime we would chat she would try to come off as platonic, but often she'd lapse into how she still wanted to be with me. One time after I had broken up with a girlfriend of a year, this now friend of mine told me over and over about how she was so jealous of my ex for having me. I had admitted to her I wish I had taken full advantage of the time we had together but I am quite sure if I had, she would've been bummed when I didn't ask her to stay with me.

 

There were a few times where she would blatantly fawn over me during a conversation, and once I was in a relationship I told her to stop. A few times she posted on my Facebook something like "I miss you", which pissed off my gf-now-wife, and I would delete the comment from my wall. Other times she would chat me up, and ask how my relationship is going. I won't lie and say I didn't flirt with her when I was single, but once was in a relationship it was clear the friendship couldn't really happen anymore.

 

Another time I dated a woman for a month, and broke it off with her because I just wasn't feeling the spark, but she was. I had tried the 'let's be friends' line when breaking up and she ended up calling me over and over like mad to set up 'friendly meetups', when I told her that we couldn't remain friends if she was going to call day and night, she told me since I left her, she was manic depressive! So I told her we couldn't be friends and that she needed to move on from me. :(

 

I'll admit, it is a nice feeling, knowing someone wants you that badly, but to me it wore off more quickly when I realized the friendship was holding them back from moving on with their lives.

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Meadowgreen Established Member

Meadowgreen

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Emva07: Sorry you had to deal with that. I can certainly appreciate how difficult that was, especially when he started waffling on about girls he found hot. Seriously why do dudes do that when they know you like them and have no intention of liking you back? Someone on another thread said they did this to kill any possiblity of a romance with this person pursuing them, but I don't think it's as cut and dried as that. I think dudes like the guys we dealt with sometimes get off on tormenting someone when they know they're interested. It's like an ego boost. It also seems a bit narcissistic :/

 

I'm glad for your sake you bit the bullet and got rid of him. Shame he had to drive you away by behaving like such a tool! I do wonder sometimes if J is mad at me for calling him out, because I cut him off after telling him I thought he was insensitive and a crap friend, lol. I guess I'll never know, and that's fine :p

 

FrostBlaze: I'm really sorry you're going through this at the moment.

Unrequited love can cause such despair in a person's life, especially when they're constantly reminded of it. Next time someone asks about her just tell them 'we don't talk anymore so please don't ask.' you don't need to explain why, and if you're really put on the spot just say you had a disagreement and grew apart, it happens.

 

I know it seems impossible now, but you will get over her. Going NC was the best thing you could have done to ensure that. I do feel your pain though, I really do. You have friends here though, people who can truly help you through this. Seek their advice and support when you need it. I promise it'll be worth your while.

 

Elliotte: While this woman was obviously way more into you than you into her, I'm glad for her sake that you never went out of your way to flaunt your interest in other people. I do feel that's one of the cruelest, most careless things that the subject of unrequited love can do. It's even more cruel than going NC on the person pursuing them.

 

It certainly seems like she was playing the long game of 'eventually I'll win him around'. That sucks. What can you really do in that situation when you've been upfront with her?

 

Kudos to you as well for telling her to stop flirting with you once you were in a relationship. Many men would gleefully bask in the attention, so that shows real respect of your partner in that regard.

 

The second woman sounds like she's got some serious problems. I think you dodged a bullet there!

 

Thanks for sharing guys. Very interesting stories so far! :)

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HokeyReligions Established Member

HokeyReligions

Posted
Posted

A million years ago there was a boy. After a few dates I knew we were not meant to be. I ended it and it seemed ok. At first. He cried. I was not aware he'd been carrying a torch for me a looong time before we dated. I was very flattered to learn that and I told him so. I thought him knowing about my being flattered would soften the blow. Wrong. Real wrong.

 

I went from feeling flattered to being sick at heart over how much I hurt him. We still had classes togethrr and I could see the hurt in his face and I felt horrible. But I didn't want to give him false hope either. I got mad at myself at one point for feeling bad about feeling bad, if that makes any sense.

 

We both finally stopped running into each other and he moved on but it took about a year befor he could walk down the hall and pass me without either looking down or slowing to look at me with big puppy dog eyes.

 

The next guy that loved me like that I married.

 

I don't know what happened to him. Married and had a family I guess. I sure hope he has a happy life and that I never crossed his mind again. I haven't thought about him since the 1970s I guess. His name was Clarence. The only Clarence I ever knew in real life. He went by 'Clare' in school and back then he was cool.

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