aelvidge Posted December 9, 2013 Posted December 9, 2013 He broke up with me almost 3 months ago out of the blue and I'm still unsure on the exact reason why. We've contacted each other since the break up and have still been sleeping with each other (wrong I know). On Saturday night we were both out at a club and I ended up going back to his house. In the morning it was like we were a couple again cuddling etc and it felt like we were back to normal. It was not awkward between us at all, we were talking about our jobs and having a joke together. He dropped me back to my house yesterday morning but I didn't ask what was going on between us as last time I asked this I got the answer I didn't want to hear. I haven't heard from him since then and I don't know wether to text him or not. I think we need to meet up and talk about what is going on. If he wants to be together again then I will be more than happy because that's all I want. But if he doesn't I think we need to stop meeting up and just cut each other off completely. A big part of the reason why we broke up is because his family do not like me and I feel like they forced him to break up with me. I think he's very confused as his actions say one thing but he says another.
silverline Posted December 9, 2013 Posted December 9, 2013 Have a last talk with him and if he says he just wants to be friends then absolutely break all contact with him. Don't let him think you are plan B. You never were so don't become it. When your feelings become less intense ( and they will through time) for him, you will be glad that you were not his doormat. 2
Just smile Posted December 9, 2013 Posted December 9, 2013 My ex and I dated for five years on and off. His children who are 23 and 17 hate my guts as does his jealous ex wife. His kids dictated when he would be " allowed" to be with me, which ultimately I was excluded from important trips to Florida ( where his family all lives) the hatred had nothing to do with anything, other than their mother being nearly ten years older than me and very jealous and the jealousy was projected on the kids, I never got to know them, This lasted for years and got worse gradually. I feel if the man loves you enough and he is happy, he should respect you enough to put his foot down. My guy only did it a couple times not continually so his bratty kids still ruled the roost. I would like to say it will work if his family doesn't like you, but in my experience it never does. Especially if your guy is influenced by them.
OnTheRightPath Posted December 9, 2013 Posted December 9, 2013 I'm not sure of your age but if a man lets his family dictate who he should be with........RUN as fast as you can....lol. He should have a mind of his own and if he loves you he will respect you and demand that others in his family do as well. If he doesn't have a mind of his own it is a clear indicator of his immaturity. Not trying to highjack this thread but JustSmile.....your story sounds very similar to mine.......toxic conditions for a relationship.
Chi townD Posted December 9, 2013 Posted December 9, 2013 You're turning into his friend with benefits and it sounds like he's tickled pink about that idea. Meanwhile, for you, it just strings you along with false hope. Time to move on, I think you have more to offer a guy than friends with benefits. He's not being fair with you.
Author aelvidge Posted December 9, 2013 Author Posted December 9, 2013 He listens to his mum and sister a LOT! He does everything they say which I know is wrong..... They've never liked me that's why I believe its them that influenced it I don't want us to be friends with benefits but I also feel I can't just cut him off completely?
Chi townD Posted December 9, 2013 Posted December 9, 2013 He listens to his mum and sister a LOT! He does everything they say which I know is wrong..... They've never liked me that's why I believe its them that influenced it I don't want us to be friends with benefits but I also feel I can't just cut him off completely? That's the big difference between men and women. He slept with you and dropped you off and had NO PROBLEM going back to his own life. For women, sex is more of an emotional connection as well as the physical connection. When you had sex with him, I didn't read the part where you wrote that the sex was mindblowing and he brought you several orgasms throughout the night and you two couldn't stop! What I did read was that the two of you cuddled and talked. Therefore, I think that you enjoyed that more than the act itself. You felt comfortable, safe and secure in his arms more than anything else. Therefore, this is causing you to have an intense emotional connection to him. And that's what you have to severe.
Zahara Posted December 9, 2013 Posted December 9, 2013 This is textbook. Breakup. Start talking. Start sleeping together. You've become a friend with benefits. The thing to do is that before you sleep together, you talk about what the terms are before you start seeing each other again. You don't sleep with each other and hope that it's reconciliation. If you just go back to sleeping with him, in his mind it was a break-up, there was no talk of getting back together. So sleeping with each other doesn't change a thing except that you both are just sleeping with each other. The break-up is still in effect, it's just sex. After sex and all the lovey dovey, a guy can get in his car, and go about his day. We women, will run through that shytt with a fine tooth comb and analyse it to death. You said you need to talk to him as to what is going on? You said that the last time you asked, you didn't get the answer you wanted. But yet you still keep sleeping with him. Seems like you know the answer but you 1) don't want to accept it 2) you hope the more you meet, he may just change his mind. Until he's ready to accept you in his life 100%, the best thing for you to do is to let go. If he wants to be with you, he'll come to you. And stop sleeping with him.
Kizmet Fisher Posted December 9, 2013 Posted December 9, 2013 You really need to stop sleeping with him, it is definitely not the way back to being his girlfriend again. If anything, it just encourages him to take you for granted and think of you as an easy lay for when he's horny. You really need to have a sit down conversation with this guy and talk about your former relationship. Tell him you still want to be with him but you won't accept being a back up plan. If he continues to try and keep you around on a diet of breadcrumbs though, go NC on his ass. One more thing. His family not liking you might have been a factor, but no one actually ever breaks up with someone for that reason if they are really into them.
mtnbiker3000 Posted December 9, 2013 Posted December 9, 2013 LOL!!! I think I dated the one woman on earth who was just fine with sex only. Don't think she ever felt anything more than just some shaggin'
Author aelvidge Posted December 11, 2013 Author Posted December 11, 2013 My ex broke up with me almost 3 months ago after being together a year and a half. We are both each others first loves. It was totally out of the blue (the day we got back from mexico!) and I still don't know the main reason why. His family dislike me and they have a big influence on him and I believe that's a big reason why. We are both 20 and I don't think he is mature enough to settle down yet. So we didn't talk for about a month and then I lost my job so I text him. He admitted he never wanted to break up with me and it was really hard to go through with it. That night we met up and he ended up staying at mine. I was really confused after this and asked him what was going on and he said he didn't want to be with me but he knew he would regret it. We have been meeting up and sleeping together once a week ever since. I've only done NC for a couple of weeks. I find it really hard to cut him off completely as we were a big part of each others life's. Although every time I text him he either doesn't text back or is really blunt. I would really love to get back together with him but I'm not sure what to say or how to handle it. Do I start NC straight away or meet with him and express how I feel (I haven't done that in about 6 weeks) and if he doesn't want to get back together TRY to cut him out of my life?
vassilbg Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 Ladies, STOP sleeping with your ex boyfriends! You are being used for free sex, then when you aren't around, he is hitting on other girls he finds interesting enough to want to date. When he meets his next girlfriend, you'll be dropped like 3rd period French and left to pick up the pieces of your broken heart... Trust me, I use to do this to my ex girlfriends back in the day and it always lead to heartbreak for them. 1
Zahara Posted December 11, 2013 Posted December 11, 2013 I find it really hard to cut him off completely as we were a big part of each others life's. Although every time I text him he either doesn't text back or is really blunt. I would really love to get back together with him but I'm not sure what to say or how to handle it. Do I start NC straight away or meet with him and express how I feel (I haven't done that in about 6 weeks) and if he doesn't want to get back together TRY to cut him out of my life? You're finding it hard to cut him off because you still have hope. Give him passion and sex and maybe he'll want you back? Nope. It's just sex. And when you get to the point of feeling icky and used, then you'll stop. For now, you'll sleep with him hoping that sex and that connection will get him back. You start NC right away. And no, he doesn't want to get back together. Don't even ask. The man doesn't even text you back or is sometimes blunt. Why isn't that a big slap in the face to you or a clear cut sign he doesn't give two shytts?
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