Ex comes back to me after separating from woman that he left me for?

[Whatamidoing.]

I was with my ex boyfriend for 12 years, from 18 to 30 years old. We were madly in love, there were typical problems that are common to all relationships but overall a good relationship. We lived together for the last 7 years of our relationship.6 years ago he broke up with me.I was pretty blind-sided by it. I never got any closure or answers as to why we even broke up. I was devastated and quite depressed for awhile afterwards.

 

Over the next few months after the breakup we would randomly get together, have sex and then I wouldn't hear from him. I truly assumed we would eventually get back together, that he just needed some time on his own to figure things out. I find out through friends that he moved in with a woman who he worked with about 6 months after our breakup. He may very well have been having an affair with her but I don't know and can't prove it.A few months later I find out that he is engaged to be married to her. Of course I am sick over this as we were together for 12 years(marriage wasn't important to neither him nor I) and he was with her only months and got engaged.

 

So as hurt as I was, of course I moved on. Pissed that I had wasted so much of my youth on him. We only saw each other once in the 6 years after the breakup. I eventually got over him, it did take awhile but I did. I dated several men over the years but really wanted to be single for the first time in my life. I became the independent woman that I never thought I could be.

 

We would text once a year or so, say when one of our cats died etc. So really no communication at all for almost 6 years. Then, just about 2 months ago I receive a text from him saying that him and his wife are separated, he's moving on, he wants to apologize for how horrible he was to me. I think to myself, why are you telling me this after all these years? But I think I wanted to hear him out so I text him back and we decide to meet up for dinner to talk, catch up, get closure after all these years. Well, we meet up, talk for hours, have such a great time together. At that point I really was just thinking it would be nice to be friends as we have such a long history together. We say let's hang out again soon, and I get a text right after the meeting saying how I melted his heart and how beautiful I am. We decide to hang out again a few days later, go to dinner, a comedy show, have a few drinks at a bar afterwards and he ends up back at my place and one knows what happened after that.

 

I was mortified the next day. But he texts me that morning he already misses me, wants me to sleep over that night. Of course I'm very wary at that point. That was the beginning of a month of being back together, starting up the I love yous, hanging out everyday. He introduces me to all his coworkers, wants to be with me constantly. He said he made a big mistake and married the wrong woman. Like I said before, I was skeptical and I knew that he wasn't even divorced yet but I couldn't stop myself. So we meet up for dinner with his mother, he invites me to thanksgiving. It seems as if we are back together again...after four weeks we finally have the what are we doing conversation. We decide that this was too much too soon, he's still married to the woman he left me for, he needs to figure things out on his life. We say goodbye, but of course I feel confused, wondering why this all happened? He sends me a message explains himself more thoroughly, says he sorry but he needs time to be alone and reflect. I express my feelings to him via text saying I was confused, why did this happen again, and no response at all. Havnt heard from him in a month. Just wondering what the hell just happened? Anyone have any insight into this sort of bizarre situation?

[MrWhite]

I think both of you want to revisit, and somewhat revisited the past. Both of you are wishing you could have again what existed before. He is rebounding and you are searching. I say take it lightly with no expectations. Start "new" and do not try to get back once was.

[StrongLass]

Sounds to me that he just wanted to revisit old territory in the hopes that'd he'd be welcome long enough to assure him of his own desirability rather than a genuine attempt at reconciliation.

 

Sorry dear but I have yet to see a perpetually emotionally unavailable man be worth even HALF of the hurt he causes.

[Grumpybutfun]

He was staking out old territory, reclaiming it and when he got it, he decided he wanted some other piece of green grass somewhere else. Bottom line, until he is divorced, he isn't available anyway. Living in the past rarely works out especially when one party moves on to something new and leaves you to pick up the pieces on your own. Regardless of whether they come back, you always wonder what was lacking in you that caused them to marry someone else. I think he was emotionally vulnerable due to his marital problems and you were a bandaid.

Best,

G

Edited December 9, 2013 by Grumpybutfun

[No Limit]

Respect; I would never have met up with someone who left me after so much time, and especially not before his official divorce. Everything he does before that might be his unconscious response of his anger about his failed marriage (which might still recover).

 

A full month? Maybe you should try to contact him and demand an answer. You don't deserve something like this and quite frankly you don't need him either. If he needs sexuality, there are plenty of prostitutes who's job is just that. Personally I'd say let go, he appears to do it repeatedly after a few years. I can't explain myself why someone would take that much time for each breakup, most people are moving into their own house by then with the intention to start their own family. He seems pretty unstable.

If he still believes in his marriage and loves his wife, just let him go. And if he says he's unsure, let him go as well. The time you spent with him would have been more useful as time to use for a future husband option.

[Whatamidoing.]

Thanks for great feedback. It is helpful to get outside perspectives. All were quite spot on I think.