blue17 Posted January 2, 2005 Posted January 2, 2005 OK...a girl is interested in the guy, she gives clear buying signals or obvious remarks in order to get the guy to ask her out. The guy doesn't act on these signals because he was just plain oblivious to the hints. Perhaps a while later, the guy gets his act together and finally asks her out...in a weak way. To his surprise, she rejects him. I mean what the hell...she was obviously interested wasn't she? Maybe she thought that he wasn't into her and that she was rejecting him, so she mentally blocked any feelings that she had for him. I mean why would she continue hanging on to a guy who she thinks wasn't interested in her, right? What's funny as that even if the guy was totally oblivious and didn't pick up on the signals NOR ask her out, she would still be friendly. She would think he wasn't interested, but still think he is a good guy like she always thought. But if he doesn't escalate her advances, and instead waits and THEN asks her out she is offended and acts cold toward him. She felt rejected when her initial signals weren't acted upon, so she tries to mentally tune out her feelings for him...and as soon as the guy asks her out she is turned off and offended. Any advice on a situation like this? What can come out of it, friendship...something more.....nothing at all? At the very least she finds him attractive, and enjoyed being around him otherwise she wouldn't have given those obvious hints in the first place. Can these feelings resurface? If so, how? And how would a guy go about this situation? Thx.
fishy1028 Posted January 2, 2005 Posted January 2, 2005 You said to begin with you were oblivious to the signs and asked her out in a weak way. Maybe because it took you a while to do it and it was in a weak way she really didnt get it and you caught her totally of guard so she didnt know how to act. Try asking her out in a real way and then youll know. Good luck!
dc-fan211 Posted January 2, 2005 Posted January 2, 2005 I had a similar situation. A girl was giving me a lot of hints, and when I finally mustered the courage to ask her out she rejected me. I got to know her as a friend and now we're really close. It turns out that that's just the way she acts around all people. She didn't even realize she was totally confusing me! I don't know if this helps, but just remember - girls are weird. So just keep being yourself and if it was meant to be, it will be.
kit4kat Posted January 4, 2005 Posted January 4, 2005 Ask her out for real. She may not have even realized that you were asking her out... you did say that you did it in a weak way. You rejected her once, and no one likes rejection. She either is being oblivious to the fact that you now like her, or she's trying to guard her heart. Either way, take a chance and ask her out again, this time for real!
blue17 Posted January 4, 2005 Posted January 4, 2005 She is not a flirt i am sure of it. She gave obivious hints that she wanted me to ask her out, in fact she actually asked me to walk her home which i stupidly said 'no' cuz she doesn't live the same way as me. I realize now that it was her way of asking me out to get to know me better, but for some reason i didn't pick up on that at the time. Not to mention she really is conservative with who she spends time with/talks to and she wouldn't be just trying to get cheap attention from guys. After I 'asked her out casually' over email (yes pathetic I know) she didn't reply. I just realized we've been a playing a form of tag with each other. One of us 'asks each other out' and the other person 'rejects' them not knowing what the their intention was. Neither of us has even asked each other for real.....lol. The thing that is bad is that we went through a period of not talking each other. It was really awkward for a while, i felt so bad cuz we used to be really cool with each other and everything turned sour. We just started talking again recently so it might take a little while to build up what we lost. I guess the only thing I can do is get back the rapport again and if I see if there is any interest like before (smiling, being around me often, teasing etc) then i can ask her out for real. She'll either say yes, or I want to get shot down hardcore. For some reason I just want to end this sh*t and get my ass rejected cuz I'm sick of all the bullsh*t and games we're playing. If she says no, I don't want her to say like "oh you're a great guy and I'm flattered but I'm busy with work, school etc'. I want her to reject me HARD so it'll get past my thick skull. I know she won't do it that way but one can only hope . Asking her out clearly is the way I want to go on this one thank you for the suggestions and ideas. One last question though. Should I mention all the games we had been playing like asking each other out in a weak way and bring them to attention so we both know the full story? Or should I just pretend like it never happened and move on from there and just ask her out without mentioning it?
dynamicdrew Posted January 4, 2005 Posted January 4, 2005 Hey Blue 17, You can indeed recoup her interest. Talk to her again, this time apologizing for not recognizing her earlier interest. Follow that by saying that during the time of her initial display of interest that you had other things, complications going on in your life, and your mind was temporarially consumed by these issues ( I am sure this was the case, as it is the only reason a guy would miss signals from a woman). Conclude by saying that now, the only thing that consumes you is... her. Give a go, and let me know how it turns out! Drew
alphamale Posted January 4, 2005 Posted January 4, 2005 Originally posted by blue17 OK...a girl is interested in the guy, she gives clear buying signals or obvious remarks in order to get the guy to ask her out. The guy doesn't act on these signals because he was just plain oblivious to the hints. Perhaps a while later, the guy gets his act together and finally asks her out...in a weak way. To his surprise, she rejects him I have had this happen, probably many guys. Women are funny in this respect. If you don't act fairly quickly they get pissed off. Also, women like men who can figure things out themselves and don't flounder or be indecisive. If you miss the "window of opportunity" you are basically screwed. So you aked her out a yr later and she rejects you cause you pissed her off. By waiting for so long you basically screwed up the romantic and spontaneous aspects of the chase not to mention looking totally like a loser. Most women believe that if a guy cannot figure out you she likes you and then act on it quickly then you are not worth having. You have failed the initial test and then the attraction ceases to exist. Simple.
kit4kat Posted January 5, 2005 Posted January 5, 2005 Don't listen to Alpha... he just thinks he knows everything about women, but he is usually wrong. If I were you, I wouldn't bring up the games. She might take offense to that and then everything could blow up in your face. If you're looking to rekindle the friendship first, start doing things that you two used to do together that made your friendship good to begin with. Either way though, I'd ask her out for real. If she rejects you, then it wasn't meant to be.
blue17 Posted January 6, 2005 Posted January 6, 2005 My bad on asking whether I should tell her how we were 'playing games.' What I meant to ask is should I mention that I realize know now she was giving me signals I just had something else on my mind at the time? I'm going to unless I hear any strong objections from posters as to how it's not a good idea. Today was 2nd day back from school, I haven't seen her in about a month because of winter break. Well I was hanging out with a group of friends...everything was all good. I saw her walk past, she was leaving the building with some guy. I felt so sick at that point because I know she doesn't just walk around with guys she's friends with, she only does that with ones she's interested/dating (not to mention I didn't recognize this guy so it had to be someone new). However, I only saw her from the side and her bangs were covering her forehead so I didn't get a great look. Plus she had red streaks which was new. She had mentioned before she wanted to get streaks but I was still surprised she had them. I was 90% sure it was her but not positive. A little while later I was looking for my class I saw ANOTHER girl that looked just like her, cept she was by herself on the phone. This one didn't have red streaks and it was definitely her....I felt really relieved cuz the first girl wasn't actually her....lol. I didn't talk to her because she was busy on the phone, but I should've atleast smiled or hit her playfully on the arm or something. I'll remember that next time. I swear that's like the 8th time I've seen a chick that looks like her from the side/back...it's getting annoying. She wears the black down jacket with fur that I see like a billion other girls wear. She also has bangs, and you wouldn't believe the number of chicks I see around her size that wear that coat and have bangs. I've alrdy said hi to 1 chick that I thought was her but wasn't....and atleast 5-6 times I was about to say hi only to realize that on an up close look it wasn't her. Has this ever happened to anyone else??? But on a non humorous note, I really think something is wrong with me. I keep worrying over her and the situation between us. It's not so much I'm worried about rejection, in fact I would love to go up to her first thing and just ask her out just to get shot down but I know she'd think I was weird for asking her out after we haven't even gained any rapport back. I know it's lame I shouldn't care about what she thinks about me, but I don't want to end our friendship/whatever to end on a bad note. Maybe because I don't like uncertainty, and I have no idea what's going on between us right now is why im worrying over this. I just have this suspicion that she isn't interested in dating me any more (big surprise) and because of this she won't even be friendly. It's like....since things didn't work out between us I am of no 'use' to her anymore so she's just tossing me out. Now that I think about it i don't think she has any guy friends, or even really talks to guys at all unless she has other motives. It's almost as if she only talks to guys when she is either interested or needs something. I'm not mad at that, that is her agenda not mine...but I'm trying to be as realistic as possible and it's starting to all make sense why she was so outgoing towards me before but not now. I can't even have a good time w/ friends anymore. (well today I couldn't) I am always worrying about the situation between us....cept I don't even know what I'm worried about. I'm just constantly worrying over about nothing in particular. Then something happens like the girl that I thought was her walking out w/ another guy and I start to feel sick and I start worrying again I can't even concentrate. At a personal growth workshop they tought as that it is needless to worry about something if you can't do anything about it. So either take control and do something to help the situation so that you stop worrying, or just accept that you can't do anything right now so stop thinking about it. I tried to block it out of my mind...saying that I'll have to wait till I get a chance to talk to her to help the situation so I should stop thinking about it but I can't, I just keep worrying almost the entire day (well today anyway). I find myself trying to go to the places she would most likely be in the school so I can talk to her (i'm also lonely and bored during breaks at school....cuz I I'm not even interested in talking with friends cuz I'm too busy worrying). Then when I finally see her I get really nervous....and I go up to her and most the time it's someone else. I am just so sick of this I can't even describe it. Actually now I feel a lot better now that I said all this. I hope I see her soon so I can straighten things out a little. I'm sure she'll atleast listen to me if I can find a chance to talk to her....she can't be that heartless
blue17 Posted January 11, 2005 Posted January 11, 2005 An update for all those interested. Well as of this morning the possibility of a relationship between us is over. I got to school a little early so I decided to head the libary. At a table she was with a few acquitances hers (some of them mine too, 4 ppl there total) so one of them invited me to join in. I was looking forward to hanging out with them because I thought it would be a good chance to gain some rapport back with her and get things comfortable between us. So i pulled up a chair...it feeled like some of the tension between me and her was gone, everytime we talk to each other it gets more and more easy between us. So anywho...she was talking with an acquaintence of hers on the other side of the table, I wasn't talking at the time so I was unintentionally picking up on their conversation. But the part that stood out which I heard from her was... Her: "blah blah blah my boyfriend blah blah blah...." As soon as I heard those words 'my boyfriend' I really tensed up and got a wierd feeling inside me. I don't even remember what I was thinking at the moment, but I was just like jealous/stunned/disappointed at what happened. I just had this intuition and feeling that she didn't have a bf for some reason....it totally took me off guard. Right then all my hopes and wishful thinking ended there unexpectedly. I didn't get a good chance to make up for my mistakes in the past and that's what I feel bad about. If we started hanging out and things just weren't the same between us, I could atleast say I had the chance to fix things but it just wasn't meant to be. I'm not sure what to do regarding her now. She is really careful about who she spends 1 on 1 time with...either only girl friends or guys she's interested in or going out with. Her having a boyfriend really explains a lot about how she has been acting towards me the last few months though, and it goes right along with this little theory. I doubt she would even want to talk to me anymore outside of a group environment. Still though I am still in disbelief that she has a boyfriend now....I just had just assumed she was still looking/single and for everything to just end right there so suddenly was definitely one of the biggest curve balls i've ever encountered. I guess I'll play it cool and try not to think about it and whatever becomes of us will go its natural course. The one good thing I can hope for is that because I know it's officially over, I can truly move on. I have been meeting other chicks, a lot of them attractive, some interested in me....some not...but I just didn't get the same feeling around them as this other girl. I haven't got that warm feeling when I'm with another chick except for this girl, and maybe I had her in the back of my head the entire time. Now that I know it's over maybe I can rediscover this vibe with another girl in the future. Thx to everyone for listening and your support, things didn't work out like I had hoped but I can only blame myself for letting my fears get the best of me in the past.
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