Another setback

[30andsad]

OP, I feel the exact same way when I think about it. My ex left me in mid October and I know she has a bunch of friends who were ready for her to be single. I'm sure she's been with some random hook-up by now and the thought just kills me, because it's so against the grain of who she was before me and with me, but I'm sure now she feels free and open.

 

Really, really sucks to think about and I try to keep it at bay. I don't know this for sure of course, but it is still unsettling. The thought of being with someone else is still tough for me to even think about -- I just don't have a desire to date or be with anyone else yet even though being alone and celibate is sucking too.

[DatingInYour40s]

Thank you everyone that replied.

 

 

As far as dating...... I don't know.......I kinda feel like that would make me feel worse......like I would be comparing him the whole time.

 

 

Good advice though and I know it works for some. I guess if I met someone I really liked.

I was thinking of joining Match.com or something but not sure if I'm ready.

 

 

I had a fleeting thought of hooking up, just hooking up with a sexy stranger and maybe that would make me feel more "disconnected" to him since he was the last man I was with. That's NOT at all something I would normally do but I feel like I'm desperate to end this pain!!! F*** it HURTS!!!

 

 

I'll try anything at this point.

 

Aww.. you sound unsure what to do. I think it'd be ok to get on match. You don't have to start dating someone, but just interacting with guys that are interested in you will make you feel good. No it won't replace him and you probably won't think anybody is as good as your ex, but in time, you will find someone better for you. I had a BU last year and thought I wouldn't meet someone as good but I did meet someone much better and now I'm suffering the BU from that but to me that means someone even better is out there. But don't go for a hookup. I think that will make you feel cheap. Meet some new guys - look at them as friends and see what happens.

 

I am about to pull the trigger and get back on myself. I know that's what's helped me in the past but I also wonder how I'll feel if I let myself be alone for a few months.

[LostConfused123]

I feel ya, Lost. I KNOW my ex is with another girl right now. Even though it has only been 2 weeks, he is already staying the night at her house (found out about that unintentionally and unfortunately) and going to work with her (they are coworkers) and posting facebook statuses about how special she is (again, actually wasnt facebook stalking him but found out) and tagging her in posts with his mom about how she will be at his graduation.. It has really set me back. I knew he would jump right back into dating because that's how he is, but I was an idiot and didnt believe it when people told me that he was probably seeing this other girl. It makes me sick. Its like my brain just wants to play slideshows of all our intimacy and cuddling and try to fit her into the image. It may not be the most healthy, but for right now I am pretending he is dead. The man I knew is dead, and this is her version of him. So, its like a different person. It only kind of helps but at least it stops the torture of the images of them together doing things we did not even a month ago. Ugh. Barf. But we will move on too! I know we will! You seem so nice and you are always willing to post advice and kind words for others. I can't imagine you wont find a guy who will love you and treat you well one day (although I know its too soon to consider when in this much pain).

OMG!!!! OUCH!!!

I'm so sorry

Thank you though for taking the time to share. It really helps and best of luck to you!

[LostConfused123]

No, no....don't do this. It's dangerous and stupid. It's okay to be single at the moment. I think that you're missing the closeness of another person. And it may feel good, but it's only temporary. You'll go back to feeling bad really quickly. And, on top of that, you'll start feeling really bad for lowering your moral standards because you allowed yourself to be used cheaply. I think you're better than that.

 

You need to make positive changes in your life. Get a new hairstyle, something people will notice and like. Get a new wardrobe. You want people to say, "DAMN GIRL!!! You're looking hot!!" This will help with your self esteem.

 

Then, find the gym. Run you ass off on the treadmill and push weight. Sign up for a spin class or Zumba. Burn off all these frustrations and stress that you're having and if you eat right and get plenty of sleep. You'll be working towards that firm and sexy bod that guys are going to definitely notice.

 

Then, pick up a hobby and join a club. A running Club or cycling Club. Co-ed sports or community theater. Or cooking classes or a photography class. KEEP BUSY!!!!

 

Then travel! Get out of the norm! Grab a girlfriend and go somewhere for an extended weekend away. Go to a quite little town somewhere and go shopping. Look in Antique Stores and eat at quite little Bistro's. De-stress and decompress. Take that weekend to recharge.

 

Make these positive changes, trust me, they help out a lot!

You're absolutely correct. After thinking it through this morning, a random hookup would more than likely just make me feel more broken hearted than ever.

And yeah, dangerous in many ways.

 

 

I will just keep pushing forward (there really is no other option) and staying as busy as possible. Thank God, my job is going well and I have a little extra money to do some of the things you suggested. Hobbies, going out, maybe travel for the weekend or taking a class.

 

 

Thanks again!

[LostConfused123]

OP - Again, this is quite normal and I remember dealing with this for the first time as well. Literally made me sick to my stomach But, the good news is that this is a milestone in your recovery and once you beat this, you are just another step closer to indifference.

Thank you!

I will keep hanging on to that thought that I have to feel the horror of every damn step in order to get past it and fully recover.

 

 

I just wish the anxiety would go away. I can handle being sad but the "needing my fix" and the panic that goes with it is almost unbearable.

 

 

I suppose maybe? hopefully? it's because I really let me brain grasp the thought of him being with someone else and it will pass in a couple days (I hope!!)

 

 

Thanks again

[Haydn]

This is all good advice but its amazing to get back out there and date again. When someone new appreciates you in a different or better way than your ex. Sometimes its works. But ive said it before and maybe its boring now but why is there a line constantly about hitting the Gym! I play a little squash and still box a bit but the inclination to lift weights is beyond me. Sorry off thread a bit!!!!!!!!! But yes the advice is sound. Keep busy. Take care

 

 

You're absolutely correct. After thinking it through this morning, a random hookup would more than likely just make me feel more broken hearted than ever.

And yeah, dangerous in many ways.

 

 

I will just keep pushing forward (there really is no other option) and staying as busy as possible. Thank God, my job is going well and I have a little extra money to do some of the things you suggested. Hobbies, going out, maybe travel for the weekend or taking a class.

 

 

Thanks again!

[mtnbiker3000]

why is there a line constantly about hitting the Gym! I play a little squash and still box a bit but the inclination to lift weights is beyond me.

 

It's to increase your view of yourself by improving the way you look when in naked in front of the mirror. Can do wonders for self-esteem... Plus physical exercise is good for the endorphin release!!

[Haydn]

I know mate, just never been my thing. I have mirrors everywhere!

 

It's to increase your view of yourself by improving the way you look when in naked in front of the mirror. Can do wonders for self-esteem... Plus physical exercise is good for the endorphin release!!