poetheretic Posted December 9, 2013 Posted December 9, 2013 I started hanging out with a guy 8 months ago. It wasn't necessarily romantic at first but after two months of hanging out at least once a week we fell into a friends with benefits. Several months went by, and I finally brought up the idea of being monogamous. He just shrugged and seemed okay with it. 2 months ago, I brought up the idea of dating. He said he saw us as dating, but that we weren't "in a relationship" because he doesn't like "commitment and expectations." So, for example, he doesn't really like the idea of someone expecting to hang out or talk to him X times a week. In the middle of all of this, though, he brought me to several family gatherings, we hang out once, sometimes twice a week. More and more though I got the impression he wasn't that interested in long term. We never really talked about anything except our day and some stuff we had in common. I had almost no idea of his dating history, his dreams, his past... he just never opened up unless he was drunk. And any time I tried to open up, he seemed really uncomfortable with it. We talked, but it was all kind of superficial. There just didn't seem to be signs that he dug me as more than a friends with benefits. It seemed like he enjoyed my company, but wasn't really that into me. So last week I broke it off without telling him why, figuring he'd just kind of shrug and see it as no big deal. But it turns out he's really upset. He's put up some sad FB statuses and told me he doesn't want to hang out until he's 'over' me. I do not get it. I think I made the right call for me, cause I want a guy who acts super into me (which this guy did not), but I'm wondering if I totally missed something. Any insight?
It's Just Me Posted December 9, 2013 Posted December 9, 2013 You definitely made the right call for you. Congrats, and do not look back. Life's too short to waste on people whose values do not align with your own. Keep moving forward. He's out there, and you will find him. 3
ShyGuy5 Posted December 9, 2013 Posted December 9, 2013 Is he shy? you said that he only opened up to you when he had some liquid confidence in him. I don't know about him, but I wouldn't be bringing just a friend to all sorts of family gatherings and hanging out twice a week (alone or in a group?). It could also overwhelm him to put a label on things because a lot of times things get complicated and people try to bring you down when you pick a side
Author poetheretic Posted December 9, 2013 Author Posted December 9, 2013 Is he shy? you said that he only opened up to you when he had some liquid confidence in him. I don't know about him, but I wouldn't be bringing just a friend to all sorts of family gatherings and hanging out twice a week (alone or in a group?). It could also overwhelm him to put a label on things because a lot of times things get complicated and people try to bring you down when you pick a side He's not exactly shy. Very self-contained. Like, he really doesn't express much emotion either way. And we almost always hung out alone. Why would a label make things complicated? It seems like a label would have made things a heck of a lot more clear!
ShyGuy5 Posted December 9, 2013 Posted December 9, 2013 He's not exactly shy. Very self-contained. Like, he really doesn't express much emotion either way. And we almost always hung out alone. Why would a label make things complicated? It seems like a label would have made things a heck of a lot more clear! THink about it this way. When you are just doing your thing no labels, then there are no expectations. When you start dating, then there are expectations. you need to hang out X times a week, you need to do Y, etc. Another example, if you don't eat a lot of meat it's no big deal, but the minute you put a label on it, like vegetarian or vegan, then people start to find flaws in it.
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