Mario79 Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 Because of the way I am, an introverted person, I am looking inward. I look at how this changed me, before I wondered if I was just depressed and felt no desire to do things that I used to like. Now I feel as though I find no joy in them. -I used to love video games. I havent touched one in 4 months. I tried one today and I just couldnt muster 5 minutes. -I used to love buying things, even small unnecessary things just for the joy of getting something. That expectation. -I used to love just sleeping and spend the day in my pajamas. Now I just feel there is joy in doing this. -I used to love looking at beautiful girls, I knew my libido took a nose dive but it came back, but I just havent really cared. -I used to love just eating junk food, I know this is bad but I only did it on weekends, but I found such joy when I was going to buy a burger or a sandwich. -I used to love thinking about travelling, seeing beaches and mountains. Yesterday I was at my favorite volcano and I just wanted to leave. -I used to love Christmas. I havent felt the holidays at all. It just looks like busy work to me. All these things, I never thought of as important but right now I dont have them. Maybe theyll come back or maybe not and it isnt that I dont have things that I feel happy about, I draw a lot and listen to audio books now since I get anxious reading, I try to help people in need and get such joy from knowing I could help. I look for new things that will give the same joy I used to have with the ones I listed before. Like I like posting here and I never liked posting in forums before. I suppose I worry too much about this, I know there is uniqueness in our experiences, but to those that felt devastated and recovered, did you lose things that gave you joy?
GeneralJennyJenn Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 Dear Mario I think you are still very depressed and its normal for things that used to bring you joy not to right now. I am feeling the same way. All the things that make me happy just aren't right now. I am really struggling today after last night's messages from my ex. I am still sick too and have to find a way to go to work tmw despite all of this because I have no choice. Other people are counting on me and I can't miss work. If I could I would just stay in bed because right now the only thing that's making me happy is sleeping and watching old episodes of Farscape on my laptop via netflix. I have been sooo antisocial too. Responding to messages as briefly as possible. I have been more social on here than anywhere else. I hope soon though the depression will pass and you find happiness again. For now, just do the best you can as I am too. Take care 1
firststeps Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 Hi Mario, l totally feel your pain, l'm in the same boat. My husband left me from another OW after 20 years and it has turned my world upside down. l have good days but alot of bad days, some weekends l dont get out of bed unless l have plans with friends or family. l love reading and haven't been able to think of picking up a book since my marriage fell apart. In my last counseling session, depression was brought up and lm currently working through a workbook that l got from her to start to work through as well as l have a doctors appointment booked for next week on her advice. Right now lm taking little steps and focus on basic self care stuff, making sure lm eating and taking care of my health. One thing that l plan to do is try new things, create new experiences where they are not tied to memories of him. There is loads of helpful information online too. Hope things improve for you. All the best. 2
Author Mario79 Posted December 8, 2013 Author Posted December 8, 2013 Dear Mario I think you are still very depressed and its normal for things that used to bring you joy not to right now. I am feeling the same way. All the things that make me happy just aren't right now. I am really struggling today after last night's messages from my ex. I am still sick too and have to find a way to go to work tmw despite all of this because I have no choice. Other people are counting on me and I can't miss work. If I could I would just stay in bed because right now the only thing that's making me happy is sleeping and watching old episodes of Farscape on my laptop via netflix. I have been sooo antisocial too. Responding to messages as briefly as possible. I have been more social on here than anywhere else. I hope soon though the depression will pass and you find happiness again. For now, just do the best you can as I am too. Take care Thanks Jen, I guess its natural. I just dont feel as depressed as I did before when I wasnt functioning or eating, I dont think I am depressed. I still my follow my routines and responsabilities. But I just realized that I lost these things that used to make me happy and I was hoping they would still be there to at least give me distractions. But maybe like you say its just a phase. Like you say it will pass. Take care as well 1
Author Mario79 Posted December 8, 2013 Author Posted December 8, 2013 Hi Mario, l totally feel your pain, l'm in the same boat. My husband left me from another OW after 20 years and it has turned my world upside down. l have good days but alot of bad days, some weekends l dont get out of bed unless l have plans with friends or family. l love reading and haven't been able to think of picking up a book since my marriage fell apart. In my last counseling session, depression was brought up and lm currently working through a workbook that l got from her to start to work through as well as l have a doctors appointment booked for next week on her advice. Right now lm taking little steps and focus on basic self care stuff, making sure lm eating and taking care of my health. One thing that l plan to do is try new things, create new experiences where they are not tied to memories of him. There is loads of helpful information online too. Hope things improve for you. All the best. I am also in therapy and follow things that my psych requested me to do. You are right about creating new experiences and have researched far and wide. If anything my search for things to improve and try to move on from gave me focus. Things in my life keep distracted and I have to challenge myself to finish these goals I have. But I need the things that gave me joy. Maybe its a new stage in my life. 1
HokeyReligions Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 It doesn't sound like depression to me. It sounds like growth. Its not called growing PAINS for nothing. Life changes can be painful. Letting go can be difficult especially when its not your choice to let go. Its natural to mourn and grieve for the things and activities that once brought joy. I still miss reading. I read constantly eince I first learned how. I never went to bed without a book to read. I have a library with a thousand books. I haven't been able to read in many years now. I always thought that what I would miss most when I died would be reading:p. Part of what I grieved for was that I did NOT feel as strongly as I thought I would about not reading and that when I tried to read again I wasn't that interested. That surprised me. Our passions change throughout our lives. Sometimes our passions die their own deaths, not to be replaced by anything. Thats natural. 1
InnocentMan Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 Losing a love for music is difficult to live with. 1
GeneralJennyJenn Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 I have to say I disagree with the commenter that said its not depression but rather growing pains. There is a form of depression called Dysthymia and it runs in my family and I have bouts of it too. Pretty much what's been happening to me for the past 4 weeks. Depression doesn't just mean not eating or sleeping well but the lackluster quality of life in general. One can still function, hold a job etc etc but the emptiness inside of them is still there Dysthymia - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia 3
Author Mario79 Posted December 9, 2013 Author Posted December 9, 2013 (edited) I didnt know what Dysthymia was. I never considered it. Each day I have been functioning. It does feel like this at times like someone turn the volume down and life loss a little bit of its color. I learn something new everyday Jen. I will have to research this further. But at the same time, I have felt a lot of joy just helping people out, I feel what Hokey says is true as well. The loss of joy I have felt for those activities is not like what happened when I felt depressed, and I couldnt do anything at all. It was like a some kind of earthquake happened in my life, and some of the things I got joy out of were casualties, but some others made it. Edited December 9, 2013 by Mario79 1
acidios Posted December 9, 2013 Posted December 9, 2013 Because of the way I am, an introverted person, I am looking inward. I look at how this changed me, before I wondered if I was just depressed and felt no desire to do things that I used to like. Now I feel as though I find no joy in them. -I used to love video games. I havent touched one in 4 months. I tried one today and I just couldnt muster 5 minutes. -I used to love buying things, even small unnecessary things just for the joy of getting something. That expectation. -I used to love just sleeping and spend the day in my pajamas. Now I just feel there is joy in doing this. -I used to love looking at beautiful girls, I knew my libido took a nose dive but it came back, but I just havent really cared. -I used to love just eating junk food, I know this is bad but I only did it on weekends, but I found such joy when I was going to buy a burger or a sandwich. -I used to love thinking about travelling, seeing beaches and mountains. Yesterday I was at my favorite volcano and I just wanted to leave. -I used to love Christmas. I havent felt the holidays at all. It just looks like busy work to me. wow just wow we are on the same boat ... video games...got grand theft auto 5...gaming duration..20 mins...I cant play anything I cant focus and relax with video games enymore. buying things. I also loved to buy things.so i was thinking that to buying something will fix my mood,you know something new to use everyday.so I bought a tablet it was ok at the start lots of looking inside the shop talking about specs etc.when I got out of the store...the emptiness came back I remembered that allways when I bought something I called her and talked about it... sleeping only to rest.... beautiful girls...even if I see the most beautiful woman in the world...im not ready for moving in that case junk food.same as you,burgers and pizzas in weekends now my meals are full of greenies chicken and fish I cant say that I don't miss a good burger but it reminds my a lot of memories from our simple walks around the hood searching for a weird junk food to taste we allways did stupid simple things like that. travelling.we loved that but now...for me is home,work,work,home I think to call to my job that I don't want summer vacation this year.job is good time waste right now for me. Christmas...the pain...simple pain...
Author Mario79 Posted December 9, 2013 Author Posted December 9, 2013 wow just wow we are on the same boat ... video games...got grand theft auto 5...gaming duration..20 mins...I cant play anything I cant focus and relax with video games enymore. buying things. I also loved to buy things.so i was thinking that to buying something will fix my mood,you know something new to use everyday.so I bought a tablet it was ok at the start lots of looking inside the shop talking about specs etc.when I got out of the store...the emptiness came back I remembered that allways when I bought something I called her and talked about it... sleeping only to rest.... beautiful girls...even if I see the most beautiful woman in the world...im not ready for moving in that case junk food.same as you,burgers and pizzas in weekends now my meals are full of greenies chicken and fish I cant say that I don't miss a good burger but it reminds my a lot of memories from our simple walks around the hood searching for a weird junk food to taste we allways did stupid simple things like that. travelling.we loved that but now...for me is home,work,work,home I think to call to my job that I don't want summer vacation this year.job is good time waste right now for me. Christmas...the pain...simple pain... I hope its temporary. I am not taking any vacation time this year either. BUt I never do actually. I just havent liked the holidays this year. There are other things I have lost. But maybe its just a phase.
radiodarcy Posted December 9, 2013 Posted December 9, 2013 I hope its temporary. I am not taking any vacation time this year either. BUt I never do actually. I just havent liked the holidays this year. There are other things I have lost. But maybe its just a phase. I have had this happen to me as well. it really is a phase as you said. But it's still a frustrating one to go through because we are looking for some sort of comforting distraction from the pain of losing the one we love. When I lost interest in the things I used to enjoy, I took that as an indicator that I simply needed to allow myself to continue feeling the pain and sadness of the break up. I didn't want to force myself to do the things I loved while I was still feeling bad - - because that would just associate something I loved with the pain of losing him. On the flip side, I knew I was feeling better when I did start enjoying the things I loved like : spending time with my pets, enjoying my alone time - - and like you - - junk food!! 2
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