blahblahblacksheep Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 I broke up with my ex about 2 months ago (I'm 29, he's 30). I wasn't getting the commitment I expected after a 14 month relationship. I had tried to break up with him a month before but he convinced me not to, and the fact that he's the only boyfriend who's ever tried to convinced me to stay meant a lot for me. The second time though he said he didn't want to force me to stay in something that was making me unhappy so he let me go. It was mostly amicable. I told him we should still try hard to be friends and hang out and stuff. Less than a week later he was saying it was maybe a "break" and not a "break-up". And then he wouldn't answer my text about what he meant and so another week later I sent him a messaging saying if it was too soon for us to talk it was okay to let me know that, rather than just suddenly ignoring me. He replied back the next day and wanted to meet for coffee. We've since met one other time but never really discussed the relationship or "us". We mainly just caught up. I was hoping we'd talk about "us". So for the past almost two months he's been messaging me on FB nearly every single day, talking just like we used to. I reactivated my profile on the dating site we met on a few weeks after we broke up. I saw that he re-activated his the other day. A part of me thought the reason he was messaging me so much was bc he missed me and wanted to get back together with me but wanted me to make the first move. But now that I see he's ready to date other people again it kind of feels like we broke up all over again. And I'm not sure if I can go on talking to him like friends knowing that he's with other women. And I especially think it will hurt if I suddenly get dropped and he never messages me or talks to me again bc he's found a new woman. So I guess I want to know what my next move should be. Is he clearly over me? Should I make one last ditch effort to see if we can salvage our romantic relationship? Should I tell him I was wrong and it's too soon to be speaking bc I'm not over him? Do I need to just flat out ignore him and see where things are in like 3 months?
Meadowgreen Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 I broke up with my ex about 2 months ago (I'm 29, he's 30). I wasn't getting the commitment I expected after a 14 month relationship. I had tried to break up with him a month before but he convinced me not to, and the fact that he's the only boyfriend who's ever tried to convinced me to stay meant a lot for me. The second time though he said he didn't want to force me to stay in something that was making me unhappy so he let me go. It was mostly amicable. I told him we should still try hard to be friends and hang out and stuff. Less than a week later he was saying it was maybe a "break" and not a "break-up". And then he wouldn't answer my text about what he meant and so another week later I sent him a messaging saying if it was too soon for us to talk it was okay to let me know that, rather than just suddenly ignoring me. He replied back the next day and wanted to meet for coffee. We've since met one other time but never really discussed the relationship or "us". We mainly just caught up. I was hoping we'd talk about "us". So for the past almost two months he's been messaging me on FB nearly every single day, talking just like we used to. I reactivated my profile on the dating site we met on a few weeks after we broke up. I saw that he re-activated his the other day. A part of me thought the reason he was messaging me so much was bc he missed me and wanted to get back together with me but wanted me to make the first move. But now that I see he's ready to date other people again it kind of feels like we broke up all over again. And I'm not sure if I can go on talking to him like friends knowing that he's with other women. And I especially think it will hurt if I suddenly get dropped and he never messages me or talks to me again bc he's found a new woman. So I guess I want to know what my next move should be. Is he clearly over me? Should I make one last ditch effort to see if we can salvage our romantic relationship? Should I tell him I was wrong and it's too soon to be speaking bc I'm not over him? Do I need to just flat out ignore him and see where things are in like 3 months? From the beginning it sounds like there's been a lack of effort on this guy's part (hence why you felt compelled to dump him). It also looks like the daily contact during the 'break' period was something he did for reassurance and an ego-boost. Sadly, it looks like you've been used as an emotional place-holder while he plucked up the courage to start pursuing other women. This is unfortunately a common side-effect of exes trying to stay friends so soon after the split. It's inevitable that the lines get muddled. Personally, I think you've done all you should to let him know you would like to reconcile, and it's up to him to meet you halfway which he doesn't seem to be interested in doing. Going NC is the best way for you to heal. You're getting breadcrumbs off him at the moment and that is just going to prolong you getting over him.
Eddie007 Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 Since you are the one who wanted to breakup it sounds like he is doing exactly like he should. He is moving on with his life. If you are having second thoughts about leaving him then it is on you to try and reconcile if this is truly what you want. I am in his shoes at the moment. My ex dumped me. I'm moving on. If she wants to reconcile it is up to her. I'm sure he was very hurt by you leaving him and doesn't want to be hurt again. 2
momo81 Posted December 9, 2013 Posted December 9, 2013 You only know if you ask. Put you're pride aside and ask. If you don't ask you will never know. Things take time, so don't put any pressure on him. We can't sit around speculating and wondering. Ask. Then you will know. Then you can go from there. I've been in the same boat as you. I told him that i wanted him.... its going to be a slow process.
strive Posted December 9, 2013 Posted December 9, 2013 You broke up with him, but it seems you still can't let go of him. If he wants to date the very next day, it's actually, to put it bluntly, none of your business now. The first move (and possibly all the other moves) really is on you since you're the dumper. It won't be easy because he'd be wary of getting hurt again. He'll likely reject you again and again, because he's afraid you'd just dump him again. But if you're really serious, you should be willing to do whatever it takes. Good luck.
Recommended Posts