Scarred by a previous relationship???(longish post)

[Tuttifrutti]

Hi all

 

Am new here so please be gentle!!

I feel as though my past relationship and subsequent breakup are having a negative effect on my ability to have normal relationships and am wondering how other people have dealt with similar situations

 

I suppose it all started about 3 years ago when my long term relationship broke down. He was my first love and we had been together for 6 years, his alcoholism eventually took its toll on me and I ended up calling off our wedding. In 6 years I had gone from a bubbly sociable independent woman to completely codependent and depleted of self esteem. I was heartbroken as he had become my world (things were so bad I wouldn't even answer my own hall door), he was my best friend (..my only friend!) and I felt as though I had to start all over again.

 

After that I went in to a freefall and my GP prescribed me Lustral (serotonin). I drank a lot and craved male attention (good or bad)..ended up in several dodgy relationships including briefly getting back with my ex.

 

Then after about a year and a half I met an amazing guy who genuinely loved and respected me but I could not commit to a relationship with him...the whole time we were seeing each other I texted and dated other men...... I then went on to date one of these 'other' men and could not commit to a relationship with him either.

 

Its like a fight or flight response, once things start becoming serious I run for the hills....

 

I know I'm the problem but I'm not sure if I'm just not ready to settle, afraid of getting hurt, think I can do better or what?

[TheGuard13]

"Flight" suggests you're scared. And you have good reason to be cautious, but it's unfair to punish a current partner for past partners' transgressions.