Sappa Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 Hey everyone, this post is going to be a hard one for me, and I know that when it comes to this sort of thing you need all the information possible to establish a proper answer, so bear with me. Two months ago I met a girl, I have been in many relationships before but this one was different and I got that feeling right off the bat. I mean different in the way that I am 21 and had no intentions on getting in any sort of long term relationship; all I wanted to do was exactly what I’ve been doing which is party hardy and flirt until it gets boring. It came to the point where I couldn’t see a girl more than a few weeks without getting bored and the spark fading to the point of me moving on. But all that changed soon after I met “The girl.” I met her in a country club, nothing really happened, we talked and danced before I got her phone number and left. We talked through text allot after that, and a week later hit it off at her house party while going for a long(and cold) walk where we talked, flirted, and even had the first kiss at her childhood park. After all that we really started hitting it off, we saw each other whenever possible and did plenty of different things together. I ended up meeting her friends; she met mine and so on. About a month past and we made it official; we began meeting each other’s family and opening up to each other. I knew from the bat we were moving fast, it was two months in where she said she loved me. It wasn’t the kind of “I love you” I’m use to either. We were cuddling and she said it under her breath, immediately after you could tell it was an “Oh s**t” slip of the tong kind of moment for her, so I just held her tighter and told her how much she meant to me. I later told her it was going to be awhile before I could say it back and she understood. Hell through all the relationships I’ve been in no one has past the two month mark, and no one’s gotten an “I love you” back from me. But coming closer to the two and a half month mark I noticed that I began holding back on the “I love you.” I mean that I was actually catching myself about to say it and stopping. I wanted to tell her somewhere special, like the park incident all over again; but two more weeks past and directly after a family dinner while we were in bed together I couldn’t help myself. I said it and it felt like I just took an elephant off my back. From there I couldn’t help myself, I wanted to see her every day and talk to her every second of the day. Everything seemed way too good to be true; we shared things with each other that I personally have never shared with anyone. I remember having a super fancy work related dinner and invited her along, she got to socialize with all my army brothers and see me drink and dance alongside them. After the dinner we went back to the hotel room and I went full blown romantic on her. I’m talking spicing the hotel room up with a few scented candles, her favorite flowers in a vase, a bag of her favorite kernels popcorn(Yea super romantic), some chocolate which was more for me, and some fake rose peddles sprayed with her favorite cologne. We ended up joking about the whole thing throwing peddles at each other and teasing it. I knew the whole thing was overboard and I did it as kind of a joke, but what came next within a few weeks after is where this post really kicks in. Let me just say I’m not an idiot when it comes to dating, I have no problem going out to a bar, mall, university, house party… and getting a girls phone number, date, or night fling. What I have always struggles with is keeping the spark going. Ever since high school I have always ended up seeming more like the friend in a relationship than a boyfriend or sexual partner. I know exactly why, I just have never been able to get away from it. I am way to nice and open with women, sure I can be flirty, but I’m the type of guy that wants to comfort the girl through EVERYTHING, always makes time for them, and can’t tell when she needs space. To make it shorter for you readers, the past two weeks with her have been less sparky than usual, we stopped talking as much, I’ve seen her maybe twice a week and I know exactly why, I just need to know what to do next. See this whole time I’ve felt like I have the girl of my dreams standing in front of me and all I want to do is sing her every love song I know. I wanted it to work and didn’t want to lose her so bad I’ve actually began to drown the relationship. It’s made me look needy, and it’s made me feel clingy. I know more than anyone that most girls don’t want the clingy boyfriend, they rather the fun and exciting keep the spark kind of challenge boyfriend. But I’ve been so clouded throughout her being the first for so many things that it’s beginning to put out the spark. I don’t want her to be the one that got away. I want to keep the spark going, but I’ve had so little experience in this area that I have no clue how to keep it going. Do I confront her about it all, do I just sit here helplessly and let it happen, WHAT DO I DO!?! It’s driving me crazy! Any advice? Thanks for reading through all this! It seems I’ve been able to help everyone but myself and you’re opinions, advice, and questions mean allot to me.
StanMusial Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 Confront her about what exactly? You seem to like her a lot, and rushed into a relationship with her. That part I get but it gets confusing where you say you are smothering the relationship but only seeing her twice a week.
Author Sappa Posted December 8, 2013 Author Posted December 8, 2013 As for me smothering it... I smothered it before that just through the amount of affection and I feel this is what it's led to. Besides that, lets say she's pissed at her sisters, I immediately jump to the conclusion she want's to see me when in reality she wants to be left alone, same goes for exams and what not.
StanMusial Posted December 9, 2013 Posted December 9, 2013 As for me smothering it... I smothered it before that just through the amount of affection and I feel this is what it's led to. Besides that, lets say she's pissed at her sisters, I immediately jump to the conclusion she want's to see me when in reality she wants to be left alone, same goes for exams and what not. Couple of things here. You have known her for all of 2 months. You have stated that you weren't serious about finding a relationship up until now. I'm assuming you haven't had any meaningful relationships in the past. You're just getting to know her still. Just try not to assume she does/does not want to see you if she's upset about something. You can ask her and leave it at that. It takes time to figure stuff like that out, if ever.
Author Sappa Posted December 9, 2013 Author Posted December 9, 2013 Yea makes sense, guess it's just my insecurities getting the best of me.
ChessPieceFace Posted December 9, 2013 Posted December 9, 2013 I've been unsuccessful in ever getting to that point, so take this with a grain of salt... but I've always believed that once they say it, you are safe enough to say it back.
Vogeltron Posted December 9, 2013 Posted December 9, 2013 It is simple. You need to put on your big boy pants if you are serious about this girl which you seem to be. Sit down open up and have a heart to heart with her about your relationship and where you feel about it is going etc. Not always the easiest thing for men to do but if you are willing to talk about it on the internet I am sure you can tell her. I would not be afraid to tell her either that you have felt like your relationship has lost some of the spark and what not. But if you do go down that road I would make sure you have something about how much you think of her and what not. It isn't always the easiest thing to do. And I am sure she will share whatever concerns she has with you. But when you get back to the same level. Seeing eye to eye. It always seems to make things exciting again.
Author Sappa Posted December 9, 2013 Author Posted December 9, 2013 That's exactly what I'm planning on doing the next time I see her alone. Being open with her has been easy and I'm fairly use to pushing out of my comfort zone. Thanks for the advice! Really appreciate it.
Vogeltron Posted December 9, 2013 Posted December 9, 2013 That's exactly what I'm planning on doing the next time I see her alone. Being open with her has been easy and I'm fairly use to pushing out of my comfort zone. Thanks for the advice! Really appreciate it. For better or worse. That is where you will know if this is relationship is worth while or not. I am hoping the best for you. For me at-least I would rather know what is real than continue to waste time on something that isn't going to work if that is the case. My advice always is even if you are the shyest guy alive. Be direct, be sincere, be real and make sure you take charge and define the relationship. As uncomfortable as it may be.
Author Sappa Posted December 9, 2013 Author Posted December 9, 2013 For better or worse. That is where you will know if this is relationship is worth while or not. I am hoping the best for you. For me at-least I would rather know what is real than continue to waste time on something that isn't going to work if that is the case. My advice always is even if you are the shyest guy alive. Be direct, be sincere, be real and make sure you take charge and define the relationship. As uncomfortable as it may be. I couldn't agree with you more, my hesitation only started after I didn't want it to seem like I was questioning what we had. I only now wish that I was in more relationships like this prior to meeting her, that way I would have a better understanding on what and when to talk about our bond. When it comes to dating or playing the numbers game I am golden, I've even coached several people, but it seems when it comes to the more intimate side of things I get carried away all due to my lack of experience.
Vogeltron Posted December 10, 2013 Posted December 10, 2013 I couldn't agree with you more, my hesitation only started after I didn't want it to seem like I was questioning what we had. I only now wish that I was in more relationships like this prior to meeting her, that way I would have a better understanding on what and when to talk about our bond. When it comes to dating or playing the numbers game I am golden, I've even coached several people, but it seems when it comes to the more intimate side of things I get carried away all due to my lack of experience. Yea, we all do. But at some point we are the "Rookie" or whatever in a given situation. Even if you have dated lots of women there is always something knew you have never. Hate to use a sports apology but NFL offenses are always changing things coming up with new systems. You have to learn to adapt and that is basically true with everything in life. Do you what you think is right. But make sure to remember you are going to use this as a learning experience if it does not work out the exact way you are hoping for.
Author Sappa Posted December 10, 2013 Author Posted December 10, 2013 Completely makes sense. Again thanks for the help. It's funny, I never thought the hardest part of the relationship would be getting time alone. She lives with her two sisters and I'm in a house with three others. Exams have kept everyone indoors.
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