hunterx3 Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 Hi guys I'm a newbie here but I'm begging you guys to please help me if you can make some sense out of my situation. I'm only 24 but I carry a lot of baggage because I recently went through a divorce and I have a young son from my previous marriage. My ex was the first and only woman I've been with. I am now starting to date again and in fact just went on my first date in four years. I took my date to a movie followed by dinner at a nice restaurant. The date went extremely poorly. The movie was very awkward because we were focused on watching and did not really talk to each other, and she took a quick nap at some point. The dinner was much worse. I am usually very talkative but she almost completely silenced me due to her constant yapping about herself, her friends, her hobbies, what she did last summer, etc. I probably did 15% of the talking and that was mostly "uh huh", "yeah that sounds interesting", "cool", etc. She zipped from one topic to another and the longest we spent talking about one particular thing was maybe a minute or two. I felt that we had completely different sets of interests and shared almost nothing in common, and I felt very inhibited because my previous baggage was always on my mind and it was really weighing me down. At some point she said something which caused me to drop my two bombs on her (divorce and child). And to my utter surprise, she had no reaction and 10 seconds later started talking about her favorite music. I really like this girl but I felt like I had no real opportunity to make a connection with her, and I don't think she felt anything for me either. I could be wrong though because I'm bad at reading signals. When I dropped her off and said goodbye to her, I expected that to be the end. But instead she hugged me and said that I can call her if I want to go out again. I am trying to figure out what this means. Is she 1) just being nice, especially since the dinner was very expensive, but has no real intention of going out with me again ? 2) Basically telling me we can hang out as friends, but nothing romantic ? Or 3) trying to squeeze more nice dinners out of me with no real intention of anything deeper ? Even though there wasn't much chemistry I do like this girl and I really want another chance. However, she is a very pretty and popular girl with a huge network of friends, and I'm sure that men are lining up to take her out. She even told me about some guys she dated briefly just recently who took her to fancy places. I personally think that by going out with me she is just adding more more guy to her network to take her out and spend money on her, but I hope I'm wrong. Should I call her back and go out with her again ? Thanks for your advice !!!
Addison312 Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 I find it strange that you told her about your child and divorce and she continued to yammer on about herself. No follow up questions? She sounds uninterested. I try to give everyone a second date, but she sounds pretty aloof and you described it as a horrible time.
BlametheIrish Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 The date went horrible, she fell asleep during the movie and talked constantly during the dinner without even asking about your intetests and you.still want to.see her again? Stop thinking with your other head man, youve got nothing in common and Id bet sge even annoyed you with her incessant yapping. Just because she's pretty it makes her worthwile thought? Get better standards, unless you're looking to get laid stay aeay.from this woman. 1
StanMusial Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 Do you have any reason to believe a second date would go smoother? Because from here it seems like the problem is her, not you nor the circumstances of the date.
Author hunterx3 Posted December 8, 2013 Author Posted December 8, 2013 (edited) The main thing I want to know is why she would even bother agreeing to a second date. I didn't even bring it up myself; I planned on shaking her hand at the end and texting her later. I was very shocked she would hug me and bring up a second date on her own accord. I'm pretty bad at gauging how others feel. I personally had a horrible time. But maybe she enjoyed herself. I am uncertain if she actually enjoyed my company, but certainly she must have enjoyed being taken out to a nice place that she probably could not afford on her own. She did ask me questions about myself, but as soon as I said anything she picked up on it and completely took over the conversation. For instance she asked me about my hobbies and I mentioned photography, and before I could say anything else she cut me off and started talking about her facebook photos, the pictures she took on vacation last summer, etc. She kept going on tangents and left me in a whirlwind. I definitely do want to see her again. I am well aware that the fact that my previous history will turn off many women. I'm not going to have a lot of opportunities to date women like her. She is like the extroverted cheerleader type; popular, gorgeous, classy looking; has many, many friends from all over, and she's traveled all over the world. She has her pick of guys. Meanwhile I'm an unassuming dude who works in an office somewhere with computers. I have like 2 close friends. Other than spending time with my son, I play video games and watch TV. The main thing going for me is a steady job. The next date I get probably won't be nearly as high class as this girl is, and I want to make the most out of it if I can. I'm really sure what she sees in me, but if there is anything at all (other than being taken out and having money spent on her) then I want to go for it. I really wish I met this girl after I've had a few dates under my belt so I have more experience Edited December 8, 2013 by hunterx3
KatZee Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 How can you say you really like her when you made no connection with her, she didn't bother learning anything about you on the date, acted completely self absorbed to just talk about herself... Sounds like her head is shoved so far up her own a.ss hole that she has no clue that it wasn't even a great date. She sounds like one of those "oh look at me" popular girls... really absorbed, no real care about anything but themselves, and she got a free dinner and movie out of you. Of course she'd be willing to go out again. Sounds selfish and entitled. 2
StanMusial Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 You seem really desperate if you want to go out with her again. You better fix that if you are trying to get out there and date again.
TheGuard13 Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 I'm curious. If the date went well, why do you want to see her again? Because she's a good catch on paper? Doesn't matter. You guys didn't seem to click. At all. Especially on your end. 2
BlametheIrish Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 Classy women dont take hold of a conversation and ramble on fir days about anything off the top of their head. You want a bubnly hot cheerleader type probably bevause,that type never,paid attention to you before. If ypu want a,quality relationship then leave her alone. If you want to fork out cash to a woman whps main interest in life is herself then by all means,gi after her.
d0nnivain Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 My only theory is that from her prespective you came across as a good listener because she did all the talking.
Author hunterx3 Posted December 8, 2013 Author Posted December 8, 2013 You want a bubnly hot cheerleader type probably bevause,that type never,paid attention to you before. I think you sum it up pretty well. I basically reek of insecurity and inexperience when I say this, but its a huge deal to me. I am completely average physically and I don't have any special skills or crazy cool experiences. I pretty much do the same things day in and day out like clockwork. Guys like me would dream to date women like her, and when I was out with her it made me feel really important. There were people who took a second look at us and probably wondered huh? whats this guy with glasses doing with that girl ? I guess I am kind of desperate at this point. I'm looking at her, and I'm looking at my ex, and there is no comparison. She is everything that my ex was not. And I'm afraid that any future dates that I have with other women are going to be a lot like my ex than anyone else. lol when I was writing this she just texted me again and said she had a good time. Looks like we'll meet up again next week. What should I say to her next time and how should I prepare ?
StanMusial Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 What should I say to her next time and how should I prepare ? Just keep doing what you're doing. Apparently it worked for her. If you try to commandeer the conversation it will most likely backfire. With that being said, I don't see this going anywhere.
Kelemvor Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 I mean this very objectively and not personally at all. You seem very insecure and inexperienced with women. I see a tremendous amount of needless analysis on a first date that sounds as if it went very badly and I'm surprised that she wants to go out again but there's absolutely no reason to not take advantage of it. At the risk of offending some women in here, although they still know this is true... Women love to talk about themselves and their own interests. The object of the first few dates is to give her plenty of opportunities to do just that. Let her talk... Ask her questions and give her the opportunity to talk even more. It's her way of getting to know you, if you will. I've found that most women feel "closer" after unloading this torrent of information about themselves and their lives even though they actually know very little about me in the process. It doesn't mean she's not interested, it's just how (big generalization here...) most women work. At some point, she realizes what she is doing and will start to prompt you to talk more about yourself as she's genuinely curious and round and round you go. It's really very simple. Try to pay attention while she's talking. Learn some confidence. It's in your mind and is palpable to a women and instantly can make you more or less attractive. If you don't feel it, then fake it until you do. You don't have to be Mr. GQ or have rippling abs to exude confidence. (Although it doesn't hurt, of course! Hit the gym! It will make an effect on you physically and mentally.) Leave your baggage at home. Divorce and your kids should NEVER come into your conversation and personally having been divorced, I shut it down fast and hard even if I'm asked. It probably comes across as "sensitive topic to avoid" but that's better than giving a woman the chance to analyze your previous marriage and your potential baggage. Save that conversation for an actual "relationship" if things progress a little farther. Personally, it's a major red flag if a woman starts talking about her ex to me on our first few dates. It screams "I have issues!" and is a major turn off. So, she's hot. So, you can't figure out why she's into you. Who cares? Quit analyzing it and worrying about it and just accept the fact that you've got a second date with a beautiful women who for all you know may simply be looking for some sex and someone to cuddle with during a movie every other week. If it turns into something more or something less, so be it but just enjoy the second date. For the love of God, stop talking about yourself, your divorce and your kid. Minimize the importance of the date and you will feel much more relaxed and at ease. It sounds like you need to sleep with a few people before you get wrapped up in a relationship again. Have fun.
Author hunterx3 Posted December 8, 2013 Author Posted December 8, 2013 Leave your baggage at home. Yeah man you are totally right about this. My rationale for telling her was that I felt very inhibited if I didn't get these issues off my chest, and I wanted to get it out quickly so that if she has a problem with it she would not want a second date, so we don't waste our time. So its shocking to get 1) no serious reaction, and 2) a second date, so my brain is trying to come up with reasons why she would be doing this. What should I do to gauge her interest ? Someone suggested I take her to a cheaper place If you must go on a second date, make is a very low cost one and see what she says which I am doing and she still said yes. We will be seeing a christmas show together. Should I give her a kiss and see how she reacts? Should I try to hold hands with her or lean my shoulders against hers when we are seated ?
Author hunterx3 Posted December 9, 2013 Author Posted December 9, 2013 anybody ? Any suggestions on what to do on the second date? Should I try kissing her and seeing how she reacts ? Thanks.
Mantha03 Posted December 9, 2013 Posted December 9, 2013 The "status" of a girl should not matter popular, cheerleader, whatever who cares. That is not what should matter what should matter is who they are inside and how the treat and care for you. No amount of "status" will ever be satisfying. The fact that she talked about herself the entire time with nothing to say about your hobbies or "baggage" shows that she is self centered. Why would you want to spend another minute with someone like that? Also your baggage should not be a huge issue to someone who is genuinely interested in you. I am 23 and have a child and if I feel like a person I am speaking to won't accept or even have anything to say about it they don't belong in my life. You will have more chances to speak to someone who will accept that you have a past you just have to be patient don't take the first person who walks your way. In regards to your question she probably mentioned another date because she enjoyed herself, she got dinner, a movie and was able talk about herself all night. The question is why are you even considering taking this person out again? If you do, take her somewhere that doesn't involve wining and dining then you will see if her intentions are pure. 1
It's Just Me Posted December 9, 2013 Posted December 9, 2013 (edited) You don't even like this girl. Why would you consider a second date? How about taking your time, and finding someone who appreciates you for who you are, and takes an interest in you? You have a child. Please carefully consider who you're potentially inviting your life. Sometimes, it's best to hang back for a bit. Edited December 9, 2013 by It's Just Me
NoMoreJerks Posted December 9, 2013 Posted December 9, 2013 I don't know if this is the case in this situation, but sometimes, I either get too talkative or too quiet when I am nervous/anxious during the date.. it depends on the chemistry between me and the guy. If the guy is acting weird or aloof, it makes me nervous, and gets me to talk a lot , to avoid awkward moments or whatever.. maybe you weren't very talkative from the start, so she took charge and didn't want those awkward silences. Cutting you off, though, indicates lack of manners and disinterest in what you have to say. It doesn't mean she's disinterested in dating you, but it does mean that if she were to date you, it'd be all about her. She seems incredibly selfish. That said, I'm all for giving people a second chance, especially if the first date was more of a meet-and-greet type thing, if you met her through OLD... maybe under different circumstances, she might act differently. I was dropped after a first meet-and-greet, even though I'm pretty , intelligent, etc. The date went rather poorly, mostly on account of his weird behaviours and rushing me off at the end with a mere handshake. It turned out he had been seeing someone else already... and he wanted to see if I was better than the other woman so that he'd drop her for me... I felt rather offended , but also, the fact that he could be so dismissive of me, after just a casual meeting, was indicative of his priorities. If you're genuinely interested in finding out what she's about, maybe try a second date (only this time, be a bit more aggressive in talking/ setting the discussion agenda?), and if she acts the same way then drop her afterwards. Go somewhere that's not too expensive anyway.
NoMoreJerks Posted December 9, 2013 Posted December 9, 2013 anybody ? Any suggestions on what to do on the second date? Should I try kissing her and seeing how she reacts ? Thanks. If the date goes well -- unlike the first date -- then I'd say, go for it... If it doesn't go well, don't kiss her , hoping that she would turn into someone who gives a sh*t about your interests...
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