Welp, this is weird... I calld it [that things would get stranger]

[travelonic]

Heh... so a few weeks ago, my ex messages me online, telling me that the dude she left me for dumped her. Turns out there was verbal abuse as time progressed, part of which stemming from distrust of her, another part of it stemming from habits she has that drove the guy nuts at times it seemed.

 

Now she is going through the stages we all go through when going through a breakup - though it is odd because now, predictably, she turned to me... which makes sense since behaviorally she and I were/are practically mirror images, and I as a result am able to show a legitimate understanding of her that almost nobody - our friends, the guy who dumped her especially, anybody at the college we went to, could either match or believe... not even those who, like us, are ADD and Aspergers.

 

You know what? **** it, I may be weak in the minds of many, but I don't give a ****... I can't help but want to be there for her as a friend - and drawing boundaries to keep it from getting weird, from her getting any wrong impressions to me getting wrong impressions.

 

What can I say, I care about people.

 

Well, I must admit, however, that this has gotten a little weird.

 

We met in person recently. On my day off from working, I still visit my friends at the place I went, where she still goes. She is at the stage where she is FIERCELY fighting for the guy who broke it off with her, dumped her, which naturally will go on for a while - and, unfortunately for her, is driving the dude away AND making him increasingly hostile... I mean, god damn... anywhoo, she had made this clear during our meeting, to which I did not argue... hell, why - I know as well as anyone else that this stage occurs.

 

But during the time, we talked, it was like old times - and she was so comfortable that I found her becoming ... well, rather affectionate to the point where she'd kiss my cheek, cuddle up next to me. She even admitted that she'd read my Facbook profile, check up on me so to speak, because "she missed me"... and where we'd walk to catch a bus - since we both had to leave at the same time we caught the same bus - she'd grab my hand and hold it like when we were together.

 

The previous week, Thanksgiving, she in her continuous messaging online, remembered something that my family did every year, that she participated in, and admitted she wanted to go - since while she still wants to get back together with the guy she was with until recently, she remembered me being much more fun. As this post-BU stage progressed, and she felt steadily worse and worse, she became very apologetic for putting me through the same misery last year. And now, she's friend requested me.

 

What a can of worms I have opened. I still stand by what I said before, though - I will draw boundaries to keep either of us from getting wrong ideas, and acting on them, and I will give only advice based on what I've learned here... but I will be a friend. I can't help it, it's just who I am.

 

I am, however, curious about the behaviors she is expressing nonetheless. WhiskyTangoFoxtrot.

[Sososad]

What your doing is very noble and brave ..

Your putting her feelings and emotions before yours .

You seem like a good guy and I hope your are only doing this as a friend to help a friend ..

But excuse me if I've got this wrong but are u already questioning her methods with you and why she's getting close etc..

You gotta realise too and I could be wrong..

She's just been dumped she's emotional and is looking to be comforted and made feel better your providing that in spades ..

And I know when I was at my worst if have talked till the cows came home

If someone listened.. You gotta look after yourself in this your the important one not her ...sorry!!

Last question and don't mean to be smart ... But if your helping as a friend should u not advice no contact with the dumper and explain it's pushing him away further or is that what u want !?

[headinthecloud]

If you had a relationship with a woman you cannot be her friend because of the history. If you want to be a real friend then tell her to go NC and then you should as well. Then move on with your life.

[Simon Phoenix]

This is a disaster in the making.

[Sugarkane]

A dumper contacts only after being dumped themselves, well how convlenient of her!