A thought about NC

[MoveAlong]

First thing is...I have been in NC for 6 weeks, and I don't plan to break it unless she wants to talk about our past relationship. NC is about self-improvement and not winning back the other person.

 

But, what I don't understand about NC is that...when I began dating...It wasn't like she just wanted to date...I had to chase and win her over. I was even blown off for a date once. So my point is, why do we stop trying now? I didn't get this part from the forums...I did see the man the F*** up part. But seriously? isn't being a man about taking action?

[mtnbiker3000]

First thing is...I have been in NC for 6 weeks, and I don't plan to break it unless she wants to talk about our past relationship. NC is about self-improvement and not winning back the other person.

 

But, what I don't understand about NC is that...when I began dating...It wasn't like she just wanted to date...I had to chase and win her over. I was even blown off for a date once. So my point is, why do we stop trying now? I didn't get this part from the forums...I did see the man the F*** up part. But seriously? isn't being a man about taking action?

 

Because at the beginning it was pre-relationship. You are now post-relationship and it is a different position.

[organizedchaos]

First thing is...I have been in NC for 6 weeks, and I don't plan to break it unless she wants to talk about our past relationship. NC is about self-improvement and not winning back the other person.

 

But, what I don't understand about NC is that...when I began dating...It wasn't like she just wanted to date...I had to chase and win her over. I was even blown off for a date once. So my point is, why do we stop trying now? I didn't get this part from the forums...I did see the man the F*** up part. But seriously? isn't being a man about taking action?

 

 

 

Ever hear the saying "the strong silent type"?

 

 

being a man is about character. Sometimes doing nothing IS taking action. Its showing you have self respect and confidence that you don't chase after someone who's rejected you.

[MoveAlong]

Thanks for the replies. It makes more sense now. I guess I just didn't grasp the difference between pre and post relationship...in both situations, you are single.

 

I've never heard of that saying, but it's a great one. I'll keep that in mind as I continue my NC. There is really alot to learn. Despite this being a completely Shi**y experience for me, change is happening. It's slow but something is going on haha.

[loveiswar101]

I guess there is pre and after relationship techniques but go to say. After my last screw up I managed to whoo my partner back (couldn't handle the NC and I was the dumper). Im now the dumpee and can only blame myself as did several bad things not evil or unfaithful, but bad comments and bad actions. BU 2 days ago but looking at it today I was needy and unappreciative of what I had, lost my way again. I love her deeply but feel that's it now. I would love to contact her say in few weeks as we had planned things for christmas but I know it will be me being needed and only looking out for what I want and not what she wants.

 

Sorry to hijack but believe different scenerio's ie pre and after relationship and who was the dumpee depends on the actions taken by oneself.

[MoveAlong]

I was the dumpee. It's been 6 six weeks since BU, and 6 weeks of NC. She texted me once with a blank message...a mistake, not a game...and to wish me happy holidays. I didn't reply to either.

 

But I guess I just need to adjust more to post-break up.

[loveiswar101]

Sorry dude, highlight though it's been 6 weeks, be proud. Not giving hope but her texting u wishing happy holidays is putting out crumbs. Gee hope I can be strong if mine does it over xmas. Feeling I won't though as probably lot older than most on here and think it be bad manners if i don't. See when that day comes.

 

Alot of people not that keen on him but I'm reading Corey Wayne's book and watch several of his video's. Not a cure but helps for a while. Might wanna give it a shot.

[MoveAlong]

Sorry dude, highlight though it's been 6 weeks, be proud. Not giving hope but her texting u wishing happy holidays is putting out crumbs. Gee hope I can be strong if mine does it over xmas. Feeling I won't though as probably lot older than most on here and think it be bad manners if i don't. See when that day comes.

 

Alot of people not that keen on him but I'm reading Corey Wayne's book and watch several of his video's. Not a cure but helps for a while. Might wanna give it a shot.

 

Thanks man, I suppose it's an accomplishment since I felt like my body was going to explode. Her holiday text just pissed me off. Ofcourse I wanted to be courteous and polite, but I am not at all thankful for the bullshi* she put me through. When I thought about all the times I wanted to talk (everyday for 6 weeks), and all she could do was send some holiday greeting as if nothing happened, I wanted to respond with a string of profanities. I wonder what'll happen during Christmas...

[loveiswar101]

Yep xmas is going to suck. Mines very early days. We had plans for xmas, I nursed her when she was sick, I helped out with her boys, maybe I just did to much. Only issue is she has a great friends and family tree for her to fall back on and I really have nothing. Two good friends but one is dating her best mate. We all 4 met together, go figure.

 

We need to just hang tight buddy. Get strong. Decided I'm going for walk in hour or so. Hope helps.

[MoveAlong]

Yep xmas is going to suck. Mines very early days. We had plans for xmas, I nursed her when she was sick, I helped out with her boys, maybe I just did to much. Only issue is she has a great friends and family tree for her to fall back on and I really have nothing. Two good friends but one is dating her best mate. We all 4 met together, go figure.

 

We need to just hang tight buddy. Get strong. Decided I'm going for walk in hour or so. Hope helps.

 

Sometimes it's beyond having friends and family to lean on...honestly, my family and friends have been great, but the best two things have been this forum and myself. Friends and family don't always get it, and even if they do, they aren't suffering at the moment. This forum is a team of people who either have felt like shi* or still feel that way, a gathering of the unfortunate (or fortunate since we found this place). And together we are going to pull it together, and get out of this mess. Instead of going on facebook for the next month, I'm just gonna come on here. I'll be strong, and pretty active on here, as I hope you will be.

 

Today I finally realized that the only way I'm going to feel better is if I do something about it. It doesn't matter if you have a million friends and the best family; at the end of the day, only you can help yourself.

 

My point is, you have more than you think. You just need to realize it. I get lonely all the time...but the truth is that I have been spirally downward..and I haven't tried to stop myself.

[organizedchaos]

Thanks for the replies. It makes more sense now. I guess I just didn't grasp the difference between pre and post relationship...in both situations, you are single.

 

I've never heard of that saying, but it's a great one. I'll keep that in mind as I continue my NC. There is really alot to learn. Despite this being a completely Shi**y experience for me, change is happening. It's slow but something is going on haha.

 

Dude, I'm going through the dame thing.

[loveiswar101]

Got to stop the spiral, I know alcohol is the killer for me so poured every piece I have down the sink. Have 1 then 2 then more then drunk and dial.

 

So glad in one way I have deleted all her numbers her friends and her sons out of phone, best be safe.

[DatingInYour40s]

Got to stop the spiral, I know alcohol is the killer for me so poured every piece I have down the sink. Have 1 then 2 then more then drunk and dial.

 

So glad in one way I have deleted all her numbers her friends and her sons out of phone, best be safe.

 

Wow - that takes a lot of strength to take those steps.

 

Keep up the work. It's hard. I'm on day 2 post BU. I know I'm in for a roller coaster ride of emotions. Like you said, thankful for this forum.

[MoveAlong]

Yeah, I haven't been able to delete her number, or block her facebook. I've just left her be. Luckily, I haven't tried anything stupid after drinking. I guess, my drunken self doesn't wanna deal with that bullshi* either.

 

But yeah, I'm taking my bad habits and trying to tame them.

 

NC is such a strange thing. I don't think I have had to face such a long term challenge before...I'm trying really hard to think of something that lasts this long. But I haven't come up with anything yet.

[Haydn]

Being a teenager can last was quite a while. If you were sober could you delete? Just do it sunshine, trust me its easier than putting yourself through the grinder.

 

 

Yeah, I haven't been able to delete her number, or block her facebook. I've just left her be. Luckily, I haven't tried anything stupid after drinking. I guess, my drunken self doesn't wanna deal with that bullshi* either.

 

But yeah, I'm taking my bad habits and trying to tame them.

 

NC is such a strange thing. I don't think I have had to face such a long term challenge before...I'm trying really hard to think of something that lasts this long. But I haven't come up with anything yet.

[MoveAlong]

I didn't quite understand your first sentence, but I didn't delete anything because we didn't end on bad terms. It's not easy to delete 3 years from my life, even though I don't really know how I feel about her anymore.

[Haydn]

Delete, took me a while but i did. You can too.!

[loveiswar101]

After my last break up with same girl I did drunk and texted and drunk and dialed once. Looking back I don't want to do that again. So no drink until I feel comfortable with myself.

 

I deleted number also to prevent this. I have however through hope got her number off an old bill and wrote it in a book. Surrounding it in big words of THINK, ARE YOU SURE, DON'T BE AN IDIOT. I guess at this point and on day 3 i believe that she may get hold of me or I want to reach out. But who knows. DESPERATE I KNOW.

 

Surely if 2 people love each other they shouldn't be apart. We didn't BU on great terms but not bad at all.

[MoveAlong]

I have pretty good self control. I've gone 6 weeks of NC...and I had a week of free time where I pulled a bender. Anyways, the point is...despite all that chaos, I did not text/call her!!

 

I like your idea of writing it down and putting it away though. It's a great choice. We broke up on what would be "good" terms...so it kind of sucks. I should have done something stupid so that I could at least have something to pinpoint the problem on.

 

Alas...

 

Life's a bi*ch, and then you die

[loveiswar101]

It's so hard for me due to I know what I did wrong and let it happen, fell back into my old ways. Not listening, not caring. After been given a second chance I went well but fell into old ways.

 

I guess if you were given 2nd, 3rd and more chances you would probably get there in the end and be the person you want and she wants but what person gives u that many chances ?

[MoveAlong]

There are things we can adjust, and things we can tolerate...but at the end of the day, we can't change ourselves to be another person. Everyone puts up with something, so don't be so critical of yourself just because she wouldn't deal with it.