confusedandhurt2002 Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 I didn't even know what this was until I stumbled on it in a book I was reading trying to recover from all this. The book was After the Affair..I highly recommend that and "Not Just Friends." Anyhow, in the book she discusses a betrayed spouse and the unfaithful spouse wanting to have sex with each other because of this sudden need to try to save things or whatever...the betrayed spouses desire to cling to the unfaithful spouse, etc. I have definitely experienced this, but five months or so out I am now looking for ways to move this connection past that and into something more because -- well, to put it bluntly...it's been the best sex we've had in 11 years of marriage and we've connected like never before. Have some of you experienced this? I know everyone's situation is different because of the nature of the affair, etc. Believe me...this was NOT my initial reaction. I didn't even want him to look at me and kicked him out for the first month after dday.
lifelesson101 Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 I just posted this info on another thread here. . . but, no I never experienced any hysterical bonding when my husband had his affair years ago. Nor did I have a desire to. He had an affair that lasted more than three years, two of which (according to him) were physical. I learned they never, not once, used protection. . . I also learned they had intercourse while she was menstruating - yes, I asked. The thought of him touching me again revolted me. I do not for the life of me begin to understand this so-called, "hysterical bonding." I was hysterical alright ...as I kicked his ass to the curb! 3
Author confusedandhurt2002 Posted December 8, 2013 Author Posted December 8, 2013 Dear God...I can't say I blame you! I am so sorry for what he did to you. My situation seems to be much different, as far as I can currently tel, but if it was like yours...dang...I'd be the same way! I just posted this info on another thread here. . . but, no I never experienced any hysterical bonding when my husband had his affair years ago. Nor did I have a desire to. He had an affair that lasted more than three years, two of which (according to him) were physical. I learned they never, not once, used protection. . . I also learned they had intercourse while she was menstruating - yes, I asked. The thought of him touching me again revolted me. I do not for the life of me begin to understand this so-called, "hysterical bonding." I was hysterical alright ...as I kicked his ass to the curb!
yellowmaverick Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 I just posted this info on another thread here. . . but, no I never experienced any hysterical bonding when my husband had his affair years ago. Nor did I have a desire to. He had an affair that lasted more than three years, two of which (according to him) were physical. I learned they never, not once, used protection. . . I also learned they had intercourse while she was menstruating - yes, I asked. The thought of him touching me again revolted me. I do not for the life of me begin to understand this so-called, "hysterical bonding." I was hysterical alright ...as I kicked his ass to the curb! Same here. I was revolted by his gross OW and the filth of it all. 1
painfullyobvious Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 I know of a person who went through hysterical bonding. Their sex life went crazy like several times a day after she first found out. He still continued to cheat on her. I was like more of the other posters here. The thought of touching my ex made me cringe and was afraid of catching something. My ex actually was upset that I did not want to touch her. No kisses, hugs, the thought of sex made me worry about STD's. She was upset that I felt she was dirty. 1
lilmisscantbewrong Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 I have heard of hysterical bonding, but I can honestly say that we have not experienced that. After my dday it was three months before we had sex again. Then we dealt with his affair a year and 1/2 later. I understand it as a "reclaiming" of the other person, but even though the sex is pretty good, it's not over the top. Maybe that is both of our faults? I don't know. I am amazed when I hear about couples ripping into each other and tearing each other's clothes off etc - just didn't happen with us.
jnel921 Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 I have posted about this before as well and yes I have gone through this. I don't believe the HB was a result of us wanting to cling to each other. I personally felt at that time I wanted to show him that I was as sexy and desirable as any other woman out there. For my WH, I would say his sexual desire came from a place where he wanted to show me how much he really wanted me and was grateful not to lose me. I remember many times after being together intimately after the A how he would hold me afterwards and cry. The sex isn't as frequent now as it was in the beginning after D-day over a year ago. The one thing that hasn't changed is him telling me how much he loves me as he is making love to me. I don't think you can fake that. I have to say that I am grateful as well that my H chose me. As someone who has D before because of infidelity I can say that there is something very different when your WS is remorseful and wants their family and is doing the work to make R possible. 2
HopingAgain Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 Yes, HB for us started 4 days after Dday with my WH desperately trying to initiate after I'd told him several times I never wanted him to touch me again. My resolve softened becauae I needed the comfort after such a harsh blow Dday. We'd never stopped having sex and thankfully Dday was right before him and AP started so the fact that they dodnt have sex made it easier for me to let him touch me again, a little any way. The sex was fantastic and I have to admit it did help us to remain close during the immediate crisis.It lastee several months.
Raena Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 This time we didn't. I was so disgusted by him this time around that the thought of him touching me made/makes me sick. However, when he cheated the last time 7 years ago, we did do this hysterical bonding. There was a lot of crying. It didn't last long though, probably because I moved away shortly afterwards to get away from him.
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