The wrath of my life...

[Onmymind]

I know the title is dramatic, but honestly and thankfully I can say this is the worst and most painful experience of my life...

 

I could literally make this post a book's length but I will try to summarize.

 

I met this woman at a bank that I worked at in 2011-2012 and we met in March of 2012. I'm 23, she's 27. We became amazing friends that summer from May and in August we tied the knot as a couple. We were madly in love and she took me EVERYWHERE around our state. We spent almost every waking moment together outside of work. We couldn't be away from each other and she cared so much about me. In the beginning she bought me tons of stuff and took me everywhere but throughout the relationship i was able to catch up and make it mutual. I spent most of my time sleeping at her house when I wasn't working with her, or going to school full time, or playing with my band.

 

We were together for 1 year and 2 months aprox, I stopped working with her in May of 2013 and she got promoted and moved locations closer to her house, which still wasn't far from where I lived..

 

Also keep in mind there were often times where she was very hygienically unacceptable...I was always clean down there and she wasn't...It didn't hurt me through the relationship until the end where it seemed like she didn't give a ****, I'd politely ask her if she wanted to shower before sex or bed, and she sometimes was like "no." This hurt me but I just took it as she was going through a lot of stress. I always offered to help her through anything and be there for her in every way....Also keep in mind she had a BF before me for 4 years that treated her like ****. He then cheated on her and dumped her. She may have had a few months or so healing over that before dating me, I guess I didn't realize it...

 

I didn't lose my friends through the year and 2 months we dated but they definitely became on the back burner, which in thus they understood.

 

We were madly in love and we had such an intense relationship, she couldn't believe I was real and I couldn't believe she was either. After a while we began to talk about our future and marriage and all of it felt so right....Keep in mind my ex was overweight, I loved her madly and was still very attracted to her. I couldn't stop looking into her beautiful eyes and sweet baby face. Often she would complain about her belly and I would tell her she can get rid of it easily! I always made her feel like it was no big deal and she's beautiful all over. I just used positive motivation, we even got a join gym membership and she went occasionally, I didn't go much because it was far from me and when we weren't together I wouldn't bother wanting to go. On our anniversary I got a lot of food that ended up making my stomach upset and when we made love, our stomachs were hitting each other (sorry for that graphic) and I commented on how I felt disgusted. Not by HER, or her stomach, but I felt disgusted in general. (Those were my words to her when she asked me what's wrong) She was mad at me but she "supposedly" got over it. I apologized and told her I love her no matter what and that I just used my words extremely poorly. I would have understood if she was bull**** for a few weeks even, but what happens next is insane.

 

So 2 months elapse, and since her promotion she's spent more time at home exhausted from work/school etc, and I just noticed that she doesn't seem herself anymore. I'd be coming over all the time and shed barely give me any attention at all, it would become just me sitting there watching her watch television. She'd always ask me to get her things, or pamper her and she'd ask like I never did anything for her..I'd always massage her feet, and make her tea, food, or just make her feel amazing all the time. It began to feel like she just took advantage of it...But more importantly I felt like my presence there meant nothing to her! So it's October of 2013 and I tell her on the phone that I'm concerned about our relationship because it feels like our time together isn't quality spent like it used to be. She gets upset and mentions a break. We politely argue for an hour on the phone on why I don't want it, and she does...So I ask her if I can come say goodbye before this break and she says yes. So I drive over, and she "forgives" me and I was so happy so I went with it. That weekend was Columbus day and I bought her a gorgeous watch and flowers and cleaned her apartment while she was in NYC for that weekend. She was happy to come home and see that. But that week following when I slept over, and we woke up at 4AM. She wanted to have sex, and I said OK. She was absolutely disgusting down there and I got sick from it...I had to leave and go home. I was already sick that week because I felt like I KNEW she was going to break my heart, clearly she has stopped caring about me.

 

She texts me asking me if I'm okay, and then she calls me when I get home. I told her that I'm not okay, I tell her that I'm upset and heart-broken that she doesn't take care of herself like I do myself for her. I told her it breaks my heart that she doesn't seem to care when I'm around and the quality of our time spent has gone sour. I was SINCERELY honest with her, like I always have been. It was a lot to unload, but instead of apologizing or feeling sincere or admitting it she got BULL**** with me. She started swearing and told me she's over it, she's done and she should have dumped me months ago...I tied to talk to her but she was a monster! She told me I could love her all I wanted and hung up on me...I was as honest and sincere as I could be.

 

The next day I sent her a 9 minute audio message pouring out my love, and reflecting on the relationship and what we've persevered through, what we've accomplished and how we can't let this love DIE from this stupid drama. She texts me saying how she wants to take a break to fix herself and I eventually accept it and say "okay" to it as well. 5 days later she texts me to call her..she asks me out on a date and I say yes in excitement thinking I got my baby back! Then 20 min later she texts me saying this date was only for closure. I call her asking why she's being like this (politely mind you, I've never once been an ass to this woman, I swear to god I haven't) and she gives me a list of reasons of why its her and not me...and then I offer to call her later when I was done hanging out with my friends. She told me on the phone that night she can't see me for the date, period. So I ask her if I can drop by and grab some of my clothes, she says sure and actually said "I'm excited to see you" which makes no sense considering she just said she can't see me the following day..

 

I come over, for 2 hours we are talking, kissing and being sweet like we always had been, I was in HEAVEN. We talked about the break and why she needs it and I finally accepted it and agreed with her. WHEN SUDDENLY she says "Maybe we should just break up." It then became 2 hours of me begging, getting upset with and accepting it, and I rotated through those 3 things for those two hours. I eventually left with my stuff, devastated at 2AM.

 

The next morning I attempted to call her for a mature closure, and she had nothing to say and was just pretty much silent. I figured I had nothing to lose, so 2 days later I FB messaged her asking her to call me, she calls me 20 min later and says shes "ok" but shes NOT "ok" and she felt guilty for stringing me along and hurting me like she did. But she was bull**** speaking with me because she just couldn't talk to me. She said she wanted the relationship but just can't be in it. I just gave up...I said "Okay well maybe someday we'll reunite" and that was basically the end of the phone call, she was hostile and unable to spoken to...

 

Since then it's been NC since Oct 27th...So over a month. It's been AGONY for me. I've lost weight, I've been sick and I've been unwinding in the pool of our love and memories, and all of our adventures and time spent together. I had to throw away so much stuff and delete so many pictures, texts, etc. I've taken good care of myself, surrounded myself with family, friends and Music (I'm a musician) so my OWN life is great. But I just can't seem to move on from her. I still love her immensely even though she shattered my heart and gave up on something I thought she'd DIE for at one point...We were so madly in love...I never thought she'd ever leave me.

 

So I don't know what to ask, but:

 

Will things get better in the next upcoming months?

What should I do if she ever comes back and contacts me?

What if she wants to reconcile?

If I did nothing wrong and did my 100% best in this relationship beginning to end, should I hate myself for her leaving me?

How will I know when I'm ready to date again? I don't want to move on so quickly, find someone else and hurt them because I'm still not over my now-ex.

 

I have a huge heart for a guy, I'm WAY too sentimental and I just love excessively and passionately, but selectively....

Edited December 8, 2013 by Onmymind

[Onmymind]

I wanted to include that I would NEVER have given up on her like she did with me. I told her and pleaded endlessly that I would WORK with her and be there to work on this relationship 100%. She didn't want to do anything about anything. She didn't give two ****s about fixing anything and rejected all of my loving and sincere offers. She just made up her mind and stubbornly stuck to it.

 

It's almost like everything we went through meant nothing to her! She was the one in this relationship who was always terrified that I'd leave her! I had to convince her all the time that I wasn't going anywhere, and this was IT. I made her KNOW for all eternity's sake that she was my baby girl, my true love..

 

I can't believe she did this to me!!!! For being honest, sincere and wishful that she fixed some SIMPLE things like hygiene and attitude. I never hurt her, cheated, lied, ditched her, or did anything her ex did. I was as close to perfect to her as a man could be...

 

The worst thing I may have done collectively was be concerned about money or my own future, but that's what your significant other is there for! To comfort you and bring you up when you feel down!

 

Blah blah blah...

[mikecr50]

I feel for you but nothing said will help only time will heal you. Be glad you weren't married with kids, etc. When someone shows you who they are believe them! Sometimes we give of ourselves to the wrong person. It sucks it hurts, just remember it's her loss. Living well is the best revenge. Do not contact her for any reason. Force yourself to enjoy the holidays, your friends and family will be glad you did.

[Onmymind]

Thank you! And honestly that's what I've been doing. I have lots of wonderful friends and family who have supported me through this whole endeavor.

 

Most of them said the following:

 

"You are an amazing guy and can do way better."

"It's DEFINITELY her loss."

"You didn't do anything wrong, she just couldn't do it anymore."

 

I know I'm attractive but I never cared about looks at all! I Loved her MADLY for her personality and her beauty that I came to know so well, regardless of her overweight.

 

I just can't believe how much we did for each other, how many places we've seen, how much money we spent on each other! It was like the most intense relationship possible for 1yr+. I just wish she fought for it...like I did.

 

 

Thank you again.

[flitzanu]

unfortunately she went through all the typical things someone does when they are trying to leave someone. led you on, gave you indirect answers and false hope...the best thing for you to do right now is continue your NC and work on moving on with your life.

[Onmymind]

I know my story is long and painful, but does anyone have anything else to contribute? I'm starting to heal a little bit every single day, but I still think of all the memories we had and I still worry that the next relationship I get into Walmart compared in terms of how much fun how exciting and adventurous it was. We did so many things and so many places that were new to me and all these places are somewhat nearby so it will hard to avoid them. Also, I do miss her a lot but I'm not happy with how she went about this. Considering she was terrified of the thought of me ever leaving her she seriously Surprised me with this one.

[Chi townD]

Sometimes relationships just end. There's nothing you can do about that. Somewhere, she couldn't stand the thought of you not being around turned into not caring where you are.

 

And the "closure" talk is complete and utter bullsh*t! Never, go for a closure meeting. Those kinds of meetings are to convey to you on why they don't want to be with you. On what YOU did to make them come to the conclusion that they don't want to be with you. Basically, it to ease their own guilt and have you take the blame for the demise of the relationship.

 

Closure is when they dump you. You don't need anymore closure than that.

 

Time to move on, dude. Go NC and start making positive changes in your life.