vanellope Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 I was with a married man and now still is, the difference is before we discuss about how to be really together, how he want to get divorce peacefully and marry me or how to let his wife accept it and carry on with me, but now, he told me that he cannot divorce and love me is all what he can give and he promise he won't leave me. I want him tell me the truth about what thoughts make him change, he cannot tell. he just say anything follow their determination. I want to know the truth, because rational thinking can make me get thought this affair quickly, I love him, but this relationship make me depressed too. I think he cannot tell me the truth is because he don't want to hurt me or he don't want my unexpected reaction.
CanJanus Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 Divorce is financially devastating for men, he probably figured that out and no longer wants to get a divorce.
lollipopspot Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 he promise he won't leave me I don't see how he can promise this, in his situation and seeing that he doesn't want to get a divorce. This sounds like a painful relationship for you. 1
yellowmaverick Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 The answer is simple - he does not want a divorce. He knows that he can have sex with you and still stay married (at least until his wife knows), so why would he divorce?
Author vanellope Posted December 8, 2013 Author Posted December 8, 2013 his wife know the thing between he and me, because he did discuss the divorce thing with his wife, but his wife cannot accept it.
yellowmaverick Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 his wife know the thing between he and me, because he did discuss the divorce thing with his wife, but his wife cannot accept it. How do you know that his wife knows? Did you speak with her directly?
Author vanellope Posted December 8, 2013 Author Posted December 8, 2013 she wrote to me, and my patents.
daisydook Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 A man who wants a divorce, will get a divorce. A man who wants you in his life, will fight to keep you there. A man who wants to marry you, will take the necessary steps to move to that level with you. He is back peddling now. Please start WATCHING his actions, instead of listening to the things he is SAYING. His words and his actions are not the same right now. His actions show you he wants to stay married to his wife, and see you on the side. He doesn't want to be married to you. He wants his wife. Don't waste anymore time on someone who isn't completely and 100% yours, every single day. 5
RickFox Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 because you aren't worth enough for him to be with. you're good enough to sleep with pain and simple. that's it 2
Author vanellope Posted December 8, 2013 Author Posted December 8, 2013 I think so, I just deny to believe it. I don't believe we are just sex level, although sometimes I think it is. he tell me his heart is mine and really love me, and I should feel satisfied what we have now. he say he has limits. sometimes I think deeply and ask myself, why I feel bad now because i love him and he also love me. it strange isn't it? he say one day when I really accept then I will feel happy that we found each other in life.
NoTomorrow Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 I totally can understand how you feel right now. I replied you in my other post. MY MM said the same thing to me for right now, all his saying is right now he is not able to divorce, the only thing he can offer is his love, that he is in love with me. But we gotta deal with it.....i still believe if he really into you and want to be with you, he will make that happen. Does he has any kids? it's a little wired he didn't give any reason why he can't get divorce. I kind of think he is not 100% honest with you.
Author vanellope Posted December 8, 2013 Author Posted December 8, 2013 yes, he has kids. I think he cannot tell the reasons to me is because he afraid to hurt me with the truth, so he just tell me that things has their destination and he has his limits. i don't know what it mean actually, I want to hear the concrete reasons from his mouth even it's hard.
NoTomorrow Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 yes, he has kids. I think he cannot tell the reasons to me is because he afraid to hurt me with the truth, so he just tell me that things has their destination and he has his limits. i don't know what it mean actually, I want to hear the concrete reasons from his mouth even it's hard. My MM said the reason is his kids, which i 89% believe. I also believe another 11% is he is not sure if I worth he compromising all his money, his house, his all life-changings, although he expressed how he loves me and wanted to be with me. Your man at least should have give a honest answer of at least part of his reason. But what he have said is just making you not able to move on. So you guys are NC or still together? I would leave him in this case because he is very clear he cannot get divorce, it is very clear he has chosen his wife instead of you.
Author vanellope Posted December 8, 2013 Author Posted December 8, 2013 and what I also want to tell you is don't leave your husband for the married man, if you leave your husband it should be for yourself. I wish you good.
Author vanellope Posted December 8, 2013 Author Posted December 8, 2013 we still contact, but now I try myself to invest less and less feelings in this relationship. yes, he is very clear say he won't get divorce, but he still keep tell me he love me and want marry me if possible. you are right, I need a reason to move on, that's it.
Author vanellope Posted December 8, 2013 Author Posted December 8, 2013 you know, our situation is really similar in some point. I am 30 and he is 12 older than me, I was have a bf when I met him, and I did try to leave him when we together just 2 months, but he always can let me turn back to him, I think I really love and trust him. and now it's one and half year, I still love him very much but things also change a lot.
NoTomorrow Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 you know, our situation is really similar in some point. I am 30 and he is 12 older than me, I was have a bf when I met him, and I did try to leave him when we together just 2 months, but he always can let me turn back to him, I think I really love and trust him. and now it's one and half year, I still love him very much but things also change a lot. OH GOD can we be more similar??? So what happened between the 2 months and 1.5 years? it was a long time...and you didn't try break up with him once? If you decide to end it with him, i would come to him and ask for a straight honest answer since you definitely deserve knowing it. I didn't like he said a so unclear answer to you -- for a woman he 'loves', a woman he kept with no commitment for 1.5 years. But i really didn't see any worth of not ending it....I know it will be very very tough.....especially he refused to give you a concrete reason. I think he didnt want you to move on, he knows with he keeps telling you he loves you, you will be stucked there. Give you a hug......It is so tough I know.
NoTomorrow Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 you know, our situation is really similar in some point. I am 30 and he is 12 older than me, I was have a bf when I met him, and I did try to leave him when we together just 2 months, but he always can let me turn back to him, I think I really love and trust him. and now it's one and half year, I still love him very much but things also change a lot. You would think you love him so much. But sometimes it is just ourselves refuse to face the reality and don't want to reconciled to it.
Author vanellope Posted December 8, 2013 Author Posted December 8, 2013 in this one and half year, we been though many things, and we was always be together, he told his wife he want divorce because they are not fit, he tell his wife who he love is me, his wife write to my parents that I involve in her marrage, his wife tell me that I should no contact him and leave them alone, he tell his wife he want a trip with me so we spend a 10 days trip together, he ask his wife to accept me, really so many things happen, we really invest a lot because from the day 1 we together, we talk and chat everyday and night, we both are very busy person. in the end, I think maybe the answer is just he want stable, he find out I can't leave him even after he tell me he will not divorce. now he can have wife and me, and "stable" because I always keep silent when his wife write me.
Author vanellope Posted December 8, 2013 Author Posted December 8, 2013 You would think you love him so much. But sometimes it is just ourselves refuse to face the reality and don't want to reconciled to it. sometime maybe it's myself that make this all seems too special, and the married man is too good. what I mean is maybe when one day you meet me and my married man walk together, you probably tell me why you spend so long time with this guy plus he even tell you he can't marry you. do you know what I mean, because we are young and pretty, have more potencial than them, but for some reasons we fall for these men and hurt ourselves, why this happen, is it because we believe this is true love and we can't find anymore?
Daisy2013 Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 This must be painful for you, so sorry. Many of us have experienced the same scenario. Mine did the same, with talk of a future, then recently looked at me square in the eyes and said he loved me, but couldn't divorce. It would be his third, and he just couldn't do it again. He lost a lot in his second financially and it was very bitter, and kids involved. Anyway, he asked if I'd be okay continuing our relationship knowing this. I had nothing to hold onto at that point because I thought we'd eventually be together by how we'd talk, and we'd been together 2 years. For me, it helped me to let go and just be friends. No expectations. You will have or decide if you can handle it. It's hard.
NoTomorrow Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 sometime maybe it's myself that make this all seems too special, and the married man is too good. what I mean is maybe when one day you meet me and my married man walk together, you probably tell me why you spend so long time with this guy plus he even tell you he can't marry you. do you know what I mean, because we are young and pretty, have more potencial than them, but for some reasons we fall for these men and hurt ourselves, why this happen, is it because we believe this is true love and we can't find anymore? I know, we are very similar I am 27 my MM is 40, 13 years older than me, even himself always asks me why I choose him not other younger handsome man....... But i just found he is so special and he really is. Deep in my heart I think I can not find a second man like him anymore, this keeps telling me that I can't let him go, and I got fallen so hard and got hurt. Sometimes maybe we just don't let go of things that does not belong to us. I see there must have been a lot things going on in 1.5 years, i see he loves you, or he would not go tell his wife. Normally MM will keep it as a secret. But i really think you need to stop this, the only person could end this is YOU. You are not married and are still very young, you could meet somebody that treat you right.
RickFox Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 I think so, I just deny to believe it. I don't believe we are just sex level, although sometimes I think it is. he tell me his heart is mine and really love me, and I should feel satisfied what we have now. he say he has limits. sometimes I think deeply and ask myself, why I feel bad now because i love him and he also love me. it strange isn't it? he say one day when I really accept then I will feel happy that we found each other in life. he's telling you to shut up and take what he has to offer, which are the few stolen moments you get. so tell me, when y'all get together how often is he do ripping at your clothes, as opposed to simply taking you out? that will tell you what he sees your relationship as....
Author vanellope Posted December 9, 2013 Author Posted December 9, 2013 we go out often in weekly day, if in the city we take dinner together after work. so when friends meet us would think we are close friend. we prefer outdoor, so some weekend we goto another cities so we can hold hands walk on street like normal couple, we traveled many places already, we enjoy sex when back to hotel at night, but we also enjoy the time we simply walk around together and talk, we like kiss each other, we like see each other and talk with each other, we enjoy watch stars together and watch sea. he told me with me is very relax and nice feeling. when think about these memory i feel so hard now.
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