lamaga Posted December 7, 2013 Posted December 7, 2013 Does he only want sex? This is something that is always in the back of my head since I started dating my current... lover (? is this what you would call it?) I am 26 and he is 21. I will turn 27 in February and he will be 22 one month later. The fact that I will be 6 years older than him for a whole month feels so weird... We both are in the same study, hilariously he is two semesters above me. We started flirting on campus and eventually I asked him out. We've been on a couple of dates and it seems to be going into a good direction. I am unsure if this will be something 'serious' soon, or if it will stay like it is right now for a while, but I think it will certainly be something at some point. It is difficult to say at this moment what it is he wants from me. At the same time, I'm not quite sure yet myself what I want. All I am sure of is that he is one of the most wonderful guys I've ever met and being with him makes me incredibly happy. Now, most people I talked to say that this has no future because of the age difference. That he most likely only wants sex and might feel triumphant about shagging an older girl. Do you think this is a possibility? I have doubts myself, but mainly based on what other people say, which I USUALLY don't listen to. He can be quite romantic, tells me I put a spell on him, looks at me as if he is madly in love with me, cooks for me, holds my hand in public and loves to kiss me when we go out in public and puts his arm around me. At the beginning we didn't talk really at school, only when we met privately, now he started talking to me at school as well. We both equally initiate dates. We have sex as well, and it's been getting much more intense with every time. We fit better every time, he's gentle and kind and makes me feel adored. The weird thing on top of it all: He's not the type of guy I usually go for. I am more of an indie-chick, I guess is what you call it. I am smart and cultured and very creative. He's more of a macho, with gold chain, gel in hair, muscles and who loves raves rather than french films from the 50s. But he is super smart, and eager to get to know all sorts of artsy things that I like. I play music, and when I played a song to him that I wrote, he was so smitten, he was still talking about it the next day for hours. He compliments me constantly on my body AND persona. But he also is sometimes weird about meeting up. I can't sense if he is trying to be 'cool' when he doesn't respond to text messages, or if he is losing interest. I am also not sure if he is intimidated by me being older, or if he is too macho for that? I must add, the first few times we slept together after dates, I always went home afterwards (usually the guy leaves, isn't it so?). I slept over for the first time last night, and he wanted to make me breakfast this morning and spend the day but I left right after I woke up. Not sure how he took that. I did it because I needed to get home to feed my cat, but maybe he thinks I AM the ONE who only wants sex? (Which is not the case). I just feel it is to early to talk about what we want from this, and yet it feels so difficult for me to read into certain situations. So here, we are a total mismatch to most of the people I know, but when we hang out, we just get along so great, have the most inspiring conversations and laugh so much like I never did with anyone else. He is bright and we kinda want the same things from life career wise. He is also more mature than most of his peers, and we agree on so many views of things. So, if you made it this far: Do you think that the age difference in this case plays a huge part? And overall, do you think this sounds like a case of mutual appreciation, or am I totally off here?
Zeroes Posted December 7, 2013 Posted December 7, 2013 Not really. Older woman/younger man age gaps are far more common than you think and aren't really stigmatised like they used to be, no one really cares unless the age gap is bigger, and even then you'd only get harmless jibes about having a "toy boy". Don't think that just because he's only 21 doesn't mean he's interested in a proper relationship. To me from what you've written, it sounds like he's interested in you and not just after regular sex, and you're possibly over-analysing things because it feels so odd to you. So.. go for it. Or rather, keep going. Why not? 5 years is nothing. 2
Author lamaga Posted December 8, 2013 Author Posted December 8, 2013 Not really. Older woman/younger man age gaps are far more common than you think and aren't really stigmatised like they used to be, no one really cares unless the age gap is bigger, and even then you'd only get harmless jibes about having a "toy boy". Don't think that just because he's only 21 doesn't mean he's interested in a proper relationship. To me from what you've written, it sounds like he's interested in you and not just after regular sex, and you're possibly over-analysing things because it feels so odd to you. So.. go for it. Or rather, keep going. Why not? 5 years is nothing. Thanks for that. I rarely see this, I guess. I have a history of dating younger guys, but never this young....
Conners Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 It seems like he likes you from how you've described your relationship, he sounds really sweet my boyfriend is 3 years younger than me (well 2 and a half) and i started dating him when he was 18 and I was 21 and I had the same doubts as you, thinking he probably just wanted to get with an older girl and just want sex. but we are in love
d0nnivain Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 My mother was 5 years older than my dad. My husband is 5 years younger than me. Before he was 21 I would have been less enthusiastic about the match. Things get weird when only one of you can go to a bar. The fact that he is more advanced in his pursuit of the degree you are both seeking kind of levels the playing field. In a college setting I think all men want sex but here I see no indication that he only wants sex or he's dating you (the "older" woman) because he only wants sex. I think you need to stick around for breakfast. It should help to solidify that he actually likes you, although I am at a loss based on what he is doing why you haven't reached that conclusion on your own yet. Give him the benefit of the doubt already.
Author lamaga Posted December 8, 2013 Author Posted December 8, 2013 Thanks guys. I am talking to a friend as we speak, who is also 21. He opened my eyes as to how I have been acting here... I guess I really have been myself initiating as if I just want sex, and maybe this is why he is playing so cool, even though he might like me more. I will just let him know now that I want to see him and I will do so in a sweet way, and who knows, stay for breakfast... 1
littleraindrops Posted December 9, 2013 Posted December 9, 2013 I'm in a similar situation; have been dating a guy 6 years younger and we have 4 month difference in our birth months, so we're actually 7 years different for a quarter of a year. As long as he makes you feel you're loved, I think there is nothing wrong with dating younger guys. He might be wanting sex more than what you'd expect, and I wondered about that for a while (from the beginning, as you did), but after confrontation/sharing thoughts, I've come to a conclusion that he really doesn't just go for sex. Having said that, you may face problems that are associated with lack of experience in dating (just because he is younger), like I did. Whether you want to stay around and "teach" him how things are supposed to be, without feeling like some old lady trying to teach a boy what she likes, then I think you should absolutely give it a chance. Me, I struggled with that idea actually because our dating philosophies were so different and my guy is super dull and not expressive with his feelings at all. I'm still struggle, debating whether or not I am wasting my time with this person who does not seem to care so much, but whatever I decide, I try not to let the age difference be a factor. Age, indeed, is just numbers I'm 28, but I found that I can be way more immature than he is. Good luck! Hope things work out for you two.
Recommended Posts