I Think I Keep Messing Up My Second Chance, Hopeless?

[TornUp20]

Dated for 16 months and couldn't have been happier. I'm 27 and she's 26. Started havin some problems at the end, duh, that's why I'm writing this. Anyway, the night she broke up with me I got my **** out of her apartment and I left because I was in complete shock. I honestly don't remember much of what was said after "I don't think we should see each other right now".

 

So after that night, straight no contact. 3 weeks later I get 2 texts from her at 3:00AM on Saturday night so clearly she's wasted. First one says "Hi...hope you're doing well". Second one says "Ok, sorry...didn't mean to bother you goodnight".

 

So I wait until the next night to text her back. I reply with "Im great. Hope you're doing well too". She instantly responds with "glad to hear you're doing well".

 

This is where I'm pretty sure I start to screw everything up. So for whatever reason, instead of asking her how she's doing, I asked her if I could borrow a table she owns for a Thanksgiving feast me and friends were having at my house, and obviously it turned into 1 and 2 word responses at that point.

 

So then the next night, It texted her something like "hey, it was good to hear from you the other night. I might not have been doing as great as I said I was and honestly, you've been on my mind and I've found myself missing you". No response until the next day. She says "Hey! look I don't know how you're doing but I really hope all the best for you I don't think we can be friends right now though and I don't think we should talk". I said fine but told her that I really would like to borrow that table. She agreed.

 

So I go to her house that night and as soon as she opens the door we just gaze at each other and smile. We have about 10 minutes of small talk and catch up and she says "if you wanna wait a couple minutes I'll give you a ride home so you don't have to carry the table"

 

So she gives me a ride home. In the car, I ask her how she's doing and she immediately starts crying and is stressing about her brother and her mom and work and I tell her it's gonna be ok. We get to my house and this is where I start to mess up again because I just couldn't get out of the car so I kept talking about how I know she misses me and pushed way too hard. I could tell she was getting annoyed so I eventually got out of the car after about 10 minutes.

 

She texts me the next day about a random fantasy football question (thanksgiving day) I answer and that's it.

 

3 days later I call her and tell her I'm gonna drop her table off. She says to wait because she's not home. So we coordinate a time and I go over there. She's short with me and I asked her if maybe she'd wanna grab dinner sometime when she's free and talk. She says "I don't think that's a good idea right now" I had been holding in a lot of emotions and so i said "Ya know what, that's fine but we're gonna hash this out right now then" So we sit down and finally have a wonderful honest talk. She tells me what lead to the breakup, opened up about her feelings and it was great. Problem is that I found myself telling her EXACTLY how I feel. How I've missed her terribly, and how I find myself thinking about her constantly. I bring up some happy memories and we both start crying. I end up telling her that I'm considering taking a job in California and that I had been paying on an engagement ring for the last 6 months because I've known for a while that she was the one. She half-heartedly tried to talk me out of taking the job in California, but it was getting late and we had to work the next morning. Before I left I kissed her on the cheek and for some dumb ass reason I told her that I couldn't stand to watch her move on so I was gonna block her from G-Chat, Facebook, Instagram, etc and to not contact me anymore so I could heal. The whole time I'm thinking in my head that if I just made a move on her that would've been my moment but I blew it.

 

Been 6 days since that night and we're obviously back to no contact. Was that my second chance? Did I blow it? I DONT wanna be in no contact with her again but I'm not sure what my next move should be. Any advice, help, guidance would be greatly appreciated guys and gals. I love this girl so much. What do I do? Scared she's gonna move on or has already started the process of moving on. Thanks in advance

[letsplaygofish2]

I don't think that all breakups are cut and dry. It sounds like she's having a hard time letting go, otherwise she wouldn't have agreed to lend you the table or give you a ride. Just give her some space to think and heal. Don't pressure her into anything because right now you've given her all the information about how you feel. She just needs to process this.

 

Also, you told her that you were planning on proposing to her.. that's HUGE. I mean, that's a lifetime decision, not something you just do suddenly. I think that you've said everything you've need to said and you've covered your bases. Just let her come back to you with an answer...

 

I'm in the same boat as you. On Friday I told my ex that I am still in love with him. Our breakup was messy and not clear cut. For whatever reason, we still keep talking to each other even though we've both said we don't want to see each other anymore. I am currently waiting on a decision and am not sure how to approach this. I am probably going to see/talk to him tomorrow, but I think that I should take the pressure off the table and let him decide...

[TornUp20]

Sorry to hear about you and your boyfriend letsplaygofish2. How long ago did you guys break up/how long were you together?

 

I do feel better after our last conversation but she's never been the kind of girl to chase and with the way I left it, I feel like I told her to back off when that's the exact opposite of what I want. December 12th is a really hard day for both of us because of stuff from our past. I want to text her on the 12th and say "hey just wanted you to know I was thinkin about you today". Then atleast I've opened the door back up for communication. I told her that I had the ring but I made sure she knew that it's not like I was planning on proposing tomorrow. I was in the mind-set of "this might be the last conversation we ever have, so I want to put my cards on the table".

 

I've blocked her from everything except I can still go to her Facebook page and see updates if I want to. I've done it twice in the month we've been broken up. Really tough because she's posting about all this fun stuff she's doing and only posts stuff when she's going out with other guys. She's over-compensating because she really wants everyone to think she's fine. I spoke to her mom and her mom told me that she hasn't even talked to her about it yet and they're super close. Really trying to let her go, but I'm definitely struggling with it. I mean there were problems at the end but we were happy ya know?

[conf]

She tells me what lead to the breakup, opened up about her feelings and it was great

 

So, why did you break up? Can be solved?

[TornUp20]

She felt like I was starting to become more "needy". I guess I don't necessarily disagree with her. For the last 2 months it was getting harder for us to spend time together because she started traveling more for work. I guess I called her 1 too many times on one of her business trips and she said that I constantly made her feel bad that weekend because she couldn't talk.

 

She tried to blame me for not being able to spend more time with her friends too. I immediately responded to that because it's her work that keeps her away from her friends, not me. Only time we've seen each other in the last 2 months is when I was putting forth the effort to fit into her schedule, which I told her.

[TornUp20]

Do you think it can be solved? Do you think I'll get another chance? If I do, how should I proceed? Any thoughts?

[letsplaygofish2]

Honestly, only time will tell. My ex and I were together for 11 months, we broke up around October and have been together on and off since then. We had our last straw 3 weeks ago. However, we spent 4 hours talking about all of our miscommunications and our hurt just 2 days ago and I haven't heard from him since... we didn't decide anything. I just told him why I was so hurt because of what he did and how I reacted. I also reinstated how much I love him.

 

Right now, I think I am going to focus on myself, pray to God and just learn how to be happy again. I would love to have him in my life, but I know I can't force someone to be with me even if I try so hard. I've done everything in my power to let him know that I love him very much, even so much as to bite my anger and sadness and communicate without crying. I just hope that he can see through all of this.

 

When I was at church today, I was describing my situation to people. I explained that after all of this nonsense, emotionally clutter and past history, I know deep down my heart still feels something deeply for him. That connection is undeniable. And I think that it is a compassionate love, not a desperate or needy one (very important!) Whether it works out, I don't know. But what I can do is take that deep love that I have for him and reverse it so that I have deep love for myself. Because when you love yourself, the energy changes and the Universe does wonderful things. I am hopeful