Cooking for a date

[Nanners]

My new lady friend and I are coming up on our fourth date. We have this running joke now where she complains about not knowing how to cook and I always come back with atleast you know how to bake cookies out of the tube (she baked cookies for me one day that she claimed was her own but later admitted it was out of a tube lol). So I came up with this awesome date idea where she comes over to my apartment we have dinner and watch an episode of our favorite show. I was thinking about maybe making a home made pizza and have her help make the pizza with me. Or should it be when she shows up the dinner is done? Which one would be more romantic?

[writergal]

Cooking at your place and watching a tv episode fterwards (which can lead to a heavy make out session or sex, be honest) on the 4th date? Too soon for that. I'd wait until you've been dating for 2 months before you invite her over. If you invite her over to your place this early on, sex is the likely outcome. Is that what you both want to happen so quickly?

[ShyGuy5]

Whatever you do make sure she knows, no one likes to get there hungry and then have to wait an hour or eat right before because you don't expect it and then have it ready for you get there. IMO I think it's more romantic to have everything ready, but thats just me

[Balzac]

Prep the dough prior to her arrival. Sounds like fun.

[lamaga]

Sounds perfect, in my opinion.

I think as the person before me said, prep the dough, and when she comes over you can put the things on the pizza together and while it's in the oven have a nice glass of wine and talk and stuff like that. Perfect.

[salparadise]

I think it sounds like a good plan. I do that pretty often, and I like to save at least part of the cooking until she arrives. Make it an interactive event. You take the lead and show her you know how to make a great meal happen. Do the tedious, time-consuming stuff ahead. Pan grilled salmon fillets with a pan sauce made with ginger, shallots, honey and soy sauce, and sides of asparagus and wild rice makes 'em want to git naked.

[Elliotte]

Fourth date? To me that was my go-to FIRST date, if I am already well acquainted with her. Works like a charm!

 

Have it prepped enough before she arrives that you're not too busy on the process and can make a little chit chat and share drinks. A lil bake time allows for a lil chat and/or makeout time, then pop in something to watch and enjoy dinner and whatever follows!

[FitChick]

A date at your place means sex, with or without the cooking.

[writergal]

A date at your place means sex, with or without the cooking.

 

I said the same thing in my post.

[daisydook]

I love the sound of making it together. As others said, have everything prepped prior to her arrival so pizza prep is easy and fun. I love this idea.

[CrystalCastles]

Cooking at your place and watching a tv episode fterwards (which can lead to a heavy make out session or sex, be honest) on the 4th date? Too soon for that. I'd wait until you've been dating for 2 months before you invite her over. If you invite her over to your place this early on, sex is the likely outcome. Is that what you both want to happen so quickly?

 

I second this. Well said.

[MalachiX]

A date at your place means sex, with or without the cooking.

 

For me the cooking is sorta an integral part for it to be the sex date. Mainly because if I just invite a girl over and then we sleep together it ends up feeling like a booty call. Making a nice dinner for her is sweeter and sends a message that I'm interested in something more than just sex.

 

That said, the cooking date always turns into sex even if I don't plan for it. Twice I didn't have any real intention to go all the way but then it just ended up happening (fooling around and they asked if I had a condom.)

 

I think the average woman just expects that the cooking date to be the sex date so, even if I'm trying to take things slow, cloths end up coming off and we end up doing it.

 

Anyway, while my impulse these days is to hold off on sex for a few extra dates if I'm really interested in someone; I don't think you should let any of these people on this thread tell you when you're ready to do it. All that matter is how you feel and how she feels.

 

Anyway, I usually do a dish that i can prepare partially before-hand. I'll do all the prep then pick her up (which I also think is important so it doesn't feel like a booty call), and then pop it in the over or put on the finishing touches when we get to my place (otherwise it might get cold by the time we got back there and I don't like to leave the oven on when I'm not home).

 

Usually we end up fooling around a bit while we're watching TV and waiting for it to cook (without fail, that's almost always the first time I see her topless). Then we usually have to stop because the food's ready. We go through the meal then go back to the movie/TV-show and end up having sex.

 

Of course, I don't know if everyone's cooking dates go like this. I don't think you should go in with the expectation of sex (since that will put un-needed pressure on the date). Pizza is good because it's not too heavy so you guys won't feel bloated and fat. It's also something where you can perhaps do some of the less fun stuff before hand (rolling the dough) but can save the enjoyable stuff (toppings) for when she gets there.

[writergal]

For me the cooking is sorta an integral part for it to be the sex date. Mainly because if I just invite a girl over and then we sleep together it ends up feeling like a booty call. Making a nice dinner for her is sweeter and sends a message that I'm interested in something more than just sex.

 

That said, the cooking date always turns into sex even if I don't plan for it. Twice I didn't have any real intention to go all the way but then it just ended up happening (fooling around and they asked if I had a condom.)

 

I think the average woman just expects that the cooking date to be the sex date so, even if I'm trying to take things slow, cloths end up coming off and we end up doing it.

 

Anyway, while my impulse these days is to hold off on sex for a few extra dates if I'm really interested in someone; I don't think you should let any of these people on this thread tell you when you're ready to do it. All that matter is how you feel and how she feels.

 

Anyway, I usually do a dish that i can prepare partially before-hand. I'll do all the prep then pick her up (which I also think is important so it doesn't feel like a booty call), and then pop it in the over or put on the finishing touches when we get to my place (otherwise it might get cold by the time we got back there and I don't like to leave the oven on when I'm not home).

 

Usually we end up fooling around a bit while we're watching TV and waiting for it to cook (without fail, that's almost always the first time I see her topless). Then we usually have to stop because the food's ready. We go through the meal then go back to the movie/TV-show and end up having sex.

 

Of course, I don't know if everyone's cooking dates go like this. I don't think you should go in with the expectation of sex (since that will put un-needed pressure on the date). Pizza is good because it's not too heavy so you guys won't feel bloated and fat. It's also something where you can perhaps do some of the less fun stuff before hand (rolling the dough) but can save the enjoyable stuff (toppings) for when she gets there.

 

Cooking dinner together before sex isn't romantic at all when you barely know each other. I think it's tacky. I really don't think it sends a romantic message to the woman that her date wants something deeper. It actually just sends the message, "I want to have sex with you tonight." There's a difference between a sex date and a romantic date. Romance this early on, needs to be sex-free b/c you barely know each other after only 3 dates.

 

The "cooking date" is ALWAYS the sex date. Everyone knows that.

 

No one here is telling the OP "don't do the sex date." He can do whatever he wants. (All I did was comment that I thought the 4 date was too early for a sex date if the OP wants a serious relationship with this woman.)

[RedRobin]

To answer your question... If a guy I was seeing suggested dinner at his place on the 4th date, it would be a turn off... Even then, if I went, it would definitely in my own car... NOT getting picked up. No way would I be at his whim to decide when I left.

 

Whether a guy cooks for me or not, doesn't mean he's interested in a relationship. Takes a lot longer than 4 dates and a homecooked meal to prove that to me. lol.

 

I mean, we ladies are supposed to feel flattered that they want to cook for us? Is that all it takes? and oh, that somehow means they don't see us as a booty call? Wow, talk about low expectations.

[writergal]

To answer your question... If a guy I was seeing suggested dinner at his place on the 4th date, it would be a turn off... Even then, if I went, it would definitely in my own car... NOT getting picked up. No way would I be at his whim to decide when I left.

 

Whether a guy cooks for me or not, doesn't mean he's interested in a relationship. Takes a lot longer than 4 dates and a homecooked meal to prove that to me. lol.

 

I mean, we ladies are supposed to feel flattered that they want to cook for us? Is that all it takes? and oh, that somehow means they don't see us as a booty call? Wow, talk about low expectations.

 

I know, right? Our standards are WAY HIGHER than a dinner-at-home date. If you want to have sex with a woman, you need to earn that right. Not expect it just because you DVR'd her favorite episode of Family Guy after a home cooked dinner.

 

Risotto and red wine on the 4th date at your place doesn't scream "I want to be with you long-term." All it advertises to a woman is, "Now you'll have enough calories for energy to last you during the mind blowing sex-capade that I have planned for us tonight after we chafe my leather couch with our heavy make out session. Oh, and I set out fresh towels for you just in case you want to spend the night. But since you drove, I'm sure you have someone you need to be in the morning."

 

As a woman, it takes a lot more than a dinner at his place to show me he's interested in something long term. Like, a lot more.

[writergal]

A better idea would be to take a cooking class together, you get that togetherness feeling without the signal of "I want sex" coming off of it.

 

Bingo. Johnny, what prize do we have for Inner_Strength?

[RedRobin]

A better idea would be to take a cooking class together, you get that togetherness feeling without the signal of "I want sex" coming off of it.

 

agreed... or go grocery shopping together where you both pick out something you will each cook separately, then meet at a local park or some other neutral place to share it.

 

I don't imagine the average playa or guy trying to squeeze one in ASAP being willing to do that. Would be a good counter to the guys asking me to come over that early... to see how they respond.

Edited December 8, 2013 by RedRobin

[RedRobin]

I know, right? Our standards are WAY HIGHER than a dinner-at-home date. If you want to have sex with a woman, you need to earn that right. Not expect it just because you DVR'd her favorite episode of Family Guy after a home cooked dinner.

 

Risotto and red wine on the 4th date at your place doesn't scream "I want to be with you long-term." All it advertises to a woman is, "Now you'll have enough calories for energy to last you during the mind blowing sex-capade that I have planned for us tonight after we chafe my leather couch with our heavy make out session. Oh, and I set out fresh towels for you just in case you want to spend the night. But since you drove, I'm sure you have someone you need to be in the morning."

 

As a woman, it takes a lot more than a dinner at his place to show me he's interested in something long term. Like, a lot more.

 

lol, good one.

 

... but lets not be too hard on the guys... obviously lots of women must be going for it.

 

It's just our job to inform other women who happen to be reading this thread what the real deal is so that they can make an informed choice... not assume it means anything or that a guy cares about her even a little.

 

I mean, think about it. All it really means is he can cook (so what) and he's willing to share his dinner. Nice... but doesn't mean diddly squat as far as intent.

 

Anyway, I hope we answered the OP's question... and on the off chance we didn't...

 

OP, go ahead and ask for a date at your place on the 4th date if you don't care what impression that leaves and you are mostly gaming for sex. If you DO care what impression it leaves and are looking for a serious relationship... then suggest something else.

[MalachiX]

Cooking dinner together before sex isn't romantic at all when you barely know each other. I think it's tacky. I really don't think it sends a romantic message to the woman that her date wants something deeper. It actually just sends the message, "I want to have sex with you tonight." There's a difference between a sex date and a romantic date. Romance this early on, needs to be sex-free b/c you barely know each other after only 3 dates.

 

The "cooking date" is ALWAYS the sex date. Everyone knows that.

 

No one here is telling the OP "don't do the sex date." He can do whatever he wants. (All I did was comment that I thought the 4 date was too early for a sex date if the OP wants a serious relationship with this woman.)

 

Yes Writergal, you've re-stated your opinion repeatedly.

 

There's plenty of men and women who don't think that the 4th date is too soon to be sexual and plenty of men and women who don't think having sex on the 4th date will hurt the chances of a serious relationship.

 

Hence, I was suggesting that the OP do what feels right to him and not what feels right to other people on this thread who seem to be stating their own preference as the way everyone should approach their relationships.

[RedRobin]

Yes Writergal, you've re-stated your opinion repeatedly.

 

There's plenty of men and women who don't think that the 4th date is too soon to be sexual and plenty of men and women who don't think having sex on the 4th date will hurt the chances of a serious relationship.

 

Hence, I was suggesting that the OP do what feels right to him and not what feels right to other people on this thread who seem to be stating their own preference as the way everyone should approach their relationships.

 

You are right. However, I can say that I've been very disappointed to have a guy who claimed to be looking for a serious relationship asking for a date at his place early on.

 

It always left me with the impression he was disingenuous about wanting anything serious. On the few occasions I accepted hoping that wasn't his intent, my suspicions were confirmed (that he was mostly looking for sex ASAP) and I ended things shortly after.

 

OTOH, if a guy is screening for women who have sex with relative strangers and then cross their fingers it will work out for something deeper, then yea, go ahead and ask for that. I always saw it as a little disrespectful... not a kind gesture at all. Definitely nothing that can be interpreted as anything special. Just the opposite in fact.

 

These days, if a guy asked for an at home date that early, I'd take it more like the guy doesn't really care to get to know me, and has put me in the potential FWB or f-buddy role no matter what he says otherwise.

[MalachiX]

You are right. However, I can say that I've been very disappointed to have a guy who claimed to be looking for a serious relationship asking for a date at his place early on.

 

It always left me with the impression he was disingenuous about wanting anything serious. On the few occasions I accepted hoping that wasn't his intent, my suspicions were confirmed (that he was mostly looking for sex ASAP) and I ended things shortly after.

 

Some guys are deliberately manipulative and some guys aren't. Some guys like to mislead a woman to get sex early and some guys try to be up front.

 

Wanting to have sex early doesn't mean a guy doesn't view you as relationship material. Yes many men are d-bags and will write a woman off for early sex but many of us don't give that any bearing.

 

I tend not to measure a relationship based on when we have sex. I admit that when I'm smitten with someone, I do want to have sex with them as soon as possible but that's not because I don't want a relationship. I'd just kind of like to have sex with someone I find attractive while we're learning about each other.

 

These days I'm trying not to get too intimate too fast but that's more because I don't want to risk that a woman will think I'm just in it to get laid. That said, I know many women who think a guy doesn't like them if they havn't had sex after five dates or so.

 

What I described was just what I've experienced. I like cooking for a woman because I'm a good cook and I think it's romantic. Earlier on I did it with the objective of it being our first night together but later times it just happened, more because they pushed the intimacy than I did.

[RedRobin]

i don't see how taking a cooking lesson from a man is tacky, slutty, or some kind of code for a 'sex date'.

 

this discussion got ridiculous real quick & then got stuck on stupid.

 

like somehow cooking with a man makes a woman unable to resist having sex?

 

cooking, that evil witchery! he will spellbind her with his oregano!

 

how & what someone cooks can be a nice way to get to know someone a little better. this can very well have nothing to do with sex, believe it or not.

 

if it's such a concern, make a plan together ahead of time to go out for dessert after.

 

sheesh. it's just food.

 

j

 

Yes... we know...

 

However, the OP obviously wants to make a positive first impression... if that is his goal, he'll save the 'movie and dinner' at his place for when they know each other better.

 

I'm rather tired of women always being the one to have to show a little diplomacy, discretion, and restraint. I'd rather the guy show more effort in getting to know me IN ADVANCE in ways that don't constantly involve easy access to sex or a requirement for me to exercise those qualities where he shows none.

[BOREDouttaMymind]

id make the 4th date in a public setting. like a fair or something. awesome idear though. maybe on the 8th date. unless you two are horn balls and want to get it on.. then go ahead.

[RedRobin]

Some guys are deliberately manipulative and some guys aren't. Some guys like to mislead a woman to get sex early and some guys try to be up front.

 

Wanting to have sex early doesn't mean a guy doesn't view you as relationship material. Yes many men are d-bags and will write a woman off for early sex but many of us don't give that any bearing.

 

I tend not to measure a relationship based on when we have sex. I admit that when I'm smitten with someone, I do want to have sex with them as soon as possible but that's not because I don't want a relationship. I'd just kind of like to have sex with someone I find attractive while we're learning about each other.

 

These days I'm trying not to get too intimate too fast but that's more because I don't want to risk that a woman will think I'm just in it to get laid. That said, I know many women who think a guy doesn't like them if they havn't had sex after five dates or so.

 

What I described was just what I've experienced. I like cooking for a woman because I'm a good cook and I think it's romantic. Earlier on I did it with the objective of it being our first night together but later times it just happened, more because they pushed the intimacy than I did.

 

Here's the deal. I could care less if a guy sees me as 'relationship material' if I sleep with him early. The fact is, he's still a stranger at that point. I hardly know him. I certainly don't want to be in a position where I'm obliged to make a romantic decision about a guy that early.... because nine times out of ten... when a guy HAS obliged me to make that decision early for whatever reason, it has never been in his favor. It comes across as insecure on his part that he needs to validate sexual response that early... It forces intimacy prematurely before any real intimacy or emotional connection has had a chance to develop. It's a recipe for disaster most of the time.

 

Yes, I understand that some women think that all they have going for them is sex, and if they don't demonstrate their abilities in the bedroom ASAP, then they might lose a guy.... or that he's not interested. I don't see that relationships that start out that way tend to lead to anything long term unless they know each other in some other context.

 

It's really to both people's benefit not to put themselves in that situation so early.... IF they are both looking for a long term relationship with someone. Save the at home dates for when you know each other better and know you want a relationship with them, is my advice.

 

If not, or they don't care, then it doesn't matter. Do whatever.

 

Edited: Not sure if it has occurred to you that the woman might have come to the conclusion (by your asking) that you are into casual sex, and, by accepting, SHE has written YOU off as potential for a relationship... even if she goes for the sex? Ever thought of that? Because if a guy asks ME for 'dinner and a movie' so soon at his place, I'm definitely writing him off...

 

... and if I did accept and have sex with him... I'd still write him off. Sorry. Just would. I'm not into casual sex though, so I haven't... but if I did, that would be how I'd play it. There would be no relationship for me with a guy who made that suggestion.

Edited December 8, 2013 by RedRobin

[RedRobin]

I tend not to measure a relationship based on when we have sex. I admit that when I'm smitten with someone, I do want to have sex with them as soon as possible but that's not because I don't want a relationship. I'd just kind of like to have sex with someone I find attractive while we're learning about each other.

 

In other words, you want no strings attached sex while you are getting to know each other and before a relationship is established.

 

That's the definition of a FWB or an f-buddy. I refuse to go through that 'stage' with any guy. That's how people (usually women) get played... right there.