jinandjuice Posted December 7, 2013 Posted December 7, 2013 There is this girl I have been talking to for about 2.5 months and I absolutely like her. We have been on multiple dates and have spent a night at each other apartments. The most we have done so far is making out and dry sex. Every time I try to initiate sex, she tells me to just wait and I respect that because I don't see this girl as just a one night stand. I see potential in her to be a girlfriend. Every time we watch movies we always cuddle and spoon with each other. She tells me after every date that she has an amazing time with me. However she told me that she didn't know if she liked me or not and that she is really scared to let anyone in. I show to her that I care and I always take care of her. She knows that I am sweet to her and that I do take care of her but she is just scared to let anyone in. Do woman who are insecure and scared hesitate to say they like someone? How do you put a womans guard down? What should I do? 1
Author jinandjuice Posted December 7, 2013 Author Posted December 7, 2013 I do have the interest but I just don't want to be getting played. I really like her a lot but I don't know how to act to make her realize that she does like me. Her actions seem like she does show interest. Holding hands, cuddling, kissing but she just cannot admit it.
charlietheginger Posted December 7, 2013 Posted December 7, 2013 What have you done to show her your interested in her and not what's down her pants? 2
Author jinandjuice Posted December 7, 2013 Author Posted December 7, 2013 What have you done to show her your interested in her and not what's down her pants? Spending time with her, being there for her, when she has exams I would suprise her with lunch or dinner. Take her on dates, just getting to know her as a woman. I never rushed in nor do I care. I would much rather have her emotionally and mentally than the physical.
Author jinandjuice Posted December 8, 2013 Author Posted December 8, 2013 another part is that a month ago she felt that everything was happening to fast and she needed time to figure out her feelings. It has just been about two months and I was wondering would it be wise to bring it up even though she has told me recently she doesn't know if she likes me or not
spiderowl Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 She seems happy in your company but still doesn't know how she feels about you as a possible long-term sexual partner. Perhaps she's the kind of person who doesn't 'bond' easily. I don't tend to and have had several guys give up on just as I'm starting to feel attached to them. They've probably gone through the 'does she like me as much as I like her' stage and decided not. 1
smuggy95 Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 Just ask her to be honest and- enjoy this time but don't have expectations. She's having an amazing time with you...you're doing absolutely nothing wrong. If you were...she'd tell you. women are weird. There's no logic to them. The most you can ask for is honesty.
Author jinandjuice Posted December 8, 2013 Author Posted December 8, 2013 She seems happy in your company but still doesn't know how she feels about you as a possible long-term sexual partner. Perhaps she's the kind of person who doesn't 'bond' easily. I don't tend to and have had several guys give up on just as I'm starting to feel attached to them. They've probably gone through the 'does she like me as much as I like her' stage and decided not. That seems like the type of woman she is. How long did it take for you to start feeling attached? Was there a trigger that made you realize that you liked or missed them? I don't intend to give up but its just an emotional hell rollercoaster. I know we are not exclusive either so I have no right to be mad if she is talking to other men but I can't say I wouldn't be.
stillafool Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 I do have the interest but I just don't want to be getting played. I really like her a lot but I don't know how to act to make her realize that she does like me. Her actions seem like she does show interest. Holding hands, cuddling, kissing but she just cannot admit it.[/QUOTE] What do you mean she just can't admit it? What would you like her to say to convince you she likes you?
charlietheginger Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 Why not wait until you both want sex.... I've met women who were sexually abused ,molested raped or a traumatic event happened to them..... you have no idea what she has/hasn't been through plus many times after guys get down a girls pants they vanish in a few weeks how does.she know you won't be the same.... I have friends that are female that's their biggest concern once he gets sex a few times then he disappears and then she has to open to to the next guy... so please stop pushing for sex the only way your gonna get enjoyable sex is if you don't force it. if you force it she won't be happy and might even stop liking you... some women are very emotional and want to make love with a guy they feel they are in live with forcing sex won't make her love you... only when she loves you emotionally will she want sex and then in her eyes its not sex its making love 2
charlietheginger Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 I do have the interest but I just don't want to be getting played. I really like her a lot but I don't know how to act to make her realize that she does like me. Her actions seem like she does show interest. Holding hands, cuddling, kissing but she just cannot admit it. How is she playing you ? Wait making you wait longer then 10 weeks some girls make guys wait 6 months some until they are engaged and some wait until marriage ... just go home after seeing her pet your monkey and wait till she is ready... and guess what she may never sleep with you... 2
c57dood Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 You are getting played. Once the girl gets wishy washy I-don't-let-anyone-in bs means she won't let YOU in. Girls who are truly into you are like a green light, means go. The worst of it is when you do all these favors for her and the guy is too blinded by infatuation to see what's really going on. 1
charlietheginger Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 Men play women for sex.... women play men to get them into a relationship and its not playing its called making sure the guy actually wants more then sex... she is not hot cold wish washy her actions show she likes him but wants to make sure he isn't a player that only wants sex... if sex is all guys want then she is weeding out the guys only after sex and wanting the ones that want her...not just her vagina 1
the_entertainer1 Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 You are getting played. Once the girl gets wishy washy I-don't-let-anyone-in bs means she won't let YOU in. Girls who are truly into you are like a green light, means go. The worst of it is when you do all these favors for her and the guy is too blinded by infatuation to see what's really going on. You sound like you've had some bad experiences. I have to disagree with what you're saying and think you're making a pretty big generalisation about girls. Some just want to take things slowly, some are terrified of getting hurt. They'll let you in eventually, but you just need to give them time. If you're not prepared to do that, then you're wasting both of your time. 1
Vogeltron Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 This is when you need to put on your big boy pants and have a real conversation with her. You never know how people are. She could be a virgin or even a born again. Only been with like one person. I hate to say it possible STD? Either way, it seems like you are really interested in this girl. Fellow guys I know only interested in sex wouldn't put up with this for that long or they would have something on the side. I don't see anything from the posts to tell me differently. If you really like this girl then sit down and have a heart to heart. You have been around her long enough it sounds like you it will be a big step forward or possibly the other way. But none the less you will get an idea if you are wasting your time etc. Which is what I think you want to find out.
d0nnivain Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 Stop trying to talk her into things she has said she's not ready for. Date her, romance her & show her you care, but let the conversation about defining your relationship with words drop for now. Take her actions as her words. Don't push for sex or the relationship talk just yet . . . . Get through the holidays. Maybe in early or mid January, before you have sex (earlier if you consumate before then) revisit the discussion. Tell her how you feel about her. Remind her that her actions say she feels the same way about you. Confirm that you two are exclusive.
Author jinandjuice Posted December 8, 2013 Author Posted December 8, 2013 (edited) Thank you guys so much for the advice. It really helped me. I gave her a heart to heart talk yesterday and asked her where I was at in her life. She said she didn't put me in the friend zone for sure but can't put me at the boyfriend level yet. She told me she was scared because the last couple of people she dated, after she started falling for them the men would stop talking to her and run out on her. She told me she was scared about me because she didn't want me to wait and just in case she didn't fall for me, she didn't want to hurt me so she suggested that we stop talking. I told her No we should keep talking and take this day by day and see where we end up. She agreed. Hopefully I didn't scare her off but I made sure that I wanted to keep everything the way it was right now until we see each other again when school starts. Since the last time we had a talk like this was in early November. She told me that she thought by her telling me she didn't like me in that way I would stop pursuing but it made me chase her harder and that's why her feelings grew stronger for me. I feel like I broke almost every rule of "the game" but I don't like playing games in the first place. Edited December 8, 2013 by jinandjuice
Author jinandjuice Posted December 8, 2013 Author Posted December 8, 2013 How is she playing you ? Wait making you wait longer then 10 weeks some girls make guys wait 6 months some until they are engaged and some wait until marriage ... just go home after seeing her pet your monkey and wait till she is ready... and guess what she may never sleep with you... The only reason why I think I am getting played is because she doesn't want a relationship. She is fearful and scared to fall so I have a feeling she said that maybe to date other guys? I have been played before so I am just scared to get hurt as well but she seems worth it
gabgab Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 Men play women for sex.... women play men to get them into a relationship and its not playing its called making sure the guy actually wants more... if sex is all guys want then she is weeding out the guys only after sex and wanting the ones that want her...not just her vagina This...10 characters
Author jinandjuice Posted December 8, 2013 Author Posted December 8, 2013 This...10 characters I am def not in it just for the sex so I should be okay hahaha. I told her a quote by Bob Marley how I understand shes not being easy at all. hahaha don't know if that was too corny and gave up all my power but I just had to tell her. Do girls like that or would they see that as weakness?
SpiralOut Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 You are getting played. Once the girl gets wishy washy I-don't-let-anyone-in bs means she won't let YOU in. Girls who are truly into you are like a green light, means go. The worst of it is when you do all these favors for her and the guy is too blinded by infatuation to see what's really going on. I don't know if I would agree that she is playing you with any malicious intent, but it does sound like she is testing you. She doesn't want to fall until she sees hard proof that you won't leave her. That said . . . when a woman is really into a guy, she will want to be with him and she will know that she wants him. It doesn't matter how scared she is. She might not date him, but she will want him. She doesn't know how she feels about you, nor will she say whether you are just a friend or a boyfriend. That's not a good sign.
gabgab Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 I am def not in it just for the sex so I should be okay hahaha. I told her a quote by Bob Marley how I understand shes not being easy at all. hahaha don't know if that was too corny and gave up all my power but I just had to tell her. Do girls like that or would they see that as weakness? Ehh I dont listen to anything a guy says. Women think with their ears and men know this...men sweet talk and tell lies for sex all the time. The only thing to show a guy isnt dating you mostly for sex is to make him wait.
Author jinandjuice Posted December 9, 2013 Author Posted December 9, 2013 I don't know if I would agree that she is playing you with any malicious intent, but it does sound like she is testing you. She doesn't want to fall until she sees hard proof that you won't leave her. That said . . . when a woman is really into a guy, she will want to be with him and she will know that she wants him. It doesn't matter how scared she is. She might not date him, but she will want him. She doesn't know how she feels about you, nor will she say whether you are just a friend or a boyfriend. That's not a good sign. She told me blatantly I am not just a friend or in the friendzone but she couldn't call me her boyfriend.
SpiralOut Posted December 9, 2013 Posted December 9, 2013 She told me blatantly I am not just a friend or in the friendzone but she couldn't call me her boyfriend. Yeah exactly. That's not good. It doesn't matter if you are having sex or not. It's not good to be kept in the "I don't know" category for too long. She has a fear of commitment, period. That doesn't mean that it can't work out. Maybe it will. I know a girl who waited a year for the guy she was dating to finally call her his girlfriend. She wasn't very happy about waiting that long, but she must have felt it was worth it. If you think she's worth it, go for it. Just sounds like you'll have to wait a long time.
Vogeltron Posted December 9, 2013 Posted December 9, 2013 (edited) Thank you guys so much for the advice. It really helped me. I gave her a heart to heart talk yesterday and asked her where I was at in her life. She said she didn't put me in the friend zone for sure but can't put me at the boyfriend level yet. She told me she was scared because the last couple of people she dated, after she started falling for them the men would stop talking to her and run out on her. She told me she was scared about me because she didn't want me to wait and just in case she didn't fall for me, she didn't want to hurt me so she suggested that we stop talking. I told her No we should keep talking and take this day by day and see where we end up. She agreed. Hopefully I didn't scare her off but I made sure that I wanted to keep everything the way it was right now until we see each other again when school starts. Since the last time we had a talk like this was in early November. She told me that she thought by her telling me she didn't like me in that way I would stop pursuing but it made me chase her harder and that's why her feelings grew stronger for me. I feel like I broke almost every rule of "the game" but I don't like playing games in the first place. Glad you had the talk that I suggested. Not sure if you saw that before hand or not. But either way it sounds to me like based on what she said. About falling for people etc and having it end badly. You need to make a move to make this girl feel like she is awesome and that is how you feel really feel about her. Because from what you have said are extremely into this girl. That is one thing about 90% of women I have met. But in my experience what they think is one factor, how they feel seems to be the deciding factor. The "Game" is a bunch of B.S. For a male I will give sports analogy. You watch every team and every player has there own way about them. The important part is understanding the objective and the goal and taking the route in which plays to you skill set and will get you the best result. If it where me. I don't know the exact scope. But this is where I would grab my balls, meet this girl and lay my cards on the table. Tell her you think she is one of the most (if not the most) amazing person you have met. That you think she is completely Awesome then rattle of some personal things you really like about this girl. Tell her that you feel badly if you tried to rush her into anything she wasn't ready for. And if you are truly serious about this girl tell her you absolutely have no problem waiting it out. Essentially "Having you in my life is more important than anything else". You need to make this girl see you in a different light. And understand where you are coming from. I will be honest saying she does not want to talk to you for a while is a bad sign. It took me a while to learn this. But if you are sincere about it and believe it, then if you truly want something in life. At some point you might have to go take it. The situation you have describe separates the boys from the men. Edited December 9, 2013 by Vogeltron
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