Jdl310 Posted December 7, 2013 Posted December 7, 2013 I'm very confused. I've been dating a man in his late thirties for about 4 months. I'm 30. He's relatively introverted and inexperienced as far as relationships go. He's had only one serious relationship. I am recently divorced from a three year marriage. He's aware of the situation. He's a handsome, sugary sweet, laid back, honest, hard working guy. We share similar values and there is definitely something unspoken between us . He is pretty reserved and he's not very talkative/ verbally expressive. I am very verbally expressive and affectionate. I talk a lot too and am very extroverted. He says he loves that but at the same time, when I talk to him he doesnt really say anything The issue I'm facing is that I'm feeling very much like I want to get to know this guy on a deeper level because despite our differences I'm attracted to him and I want to get a better sense of our long term potential. But he is pretty content just seeing me once a week or once every other week. I let him do most of the initiating because he's declined a few of my invitations to hangout. He says he's not seeing or sleeping with anyone else and hopes I'm not either. In the first month or so of dating he did share a lot about himself but the contact stayed at about once a week with a text everyday just to say hi or ask me about my day (this is still the case). I recently explained that it's hard to feel connected when I'm only seeing him once a week/ every other week. When I do see him its after work and we kind of just hangout at his place, I talk, he listens, sometimes we'll do work and order dinner, usually have (very intense) sex, and always cuddle to the point where he won't let go of me. He's a smothering cuddler which is awesome. I do feel a connection when we are together sometimes. Other times it seems like he is own his own world even though his hands will be on me. In the first month we had official dates but he was very anti PDA and aloof. Now he likes to hole up in his house and be affectionate. In response to my request for more face time he said he wants to take it slow. When i shared that I'm feeling scared about the lack of connection he said he would be willing to just spend time together minus the sex if that would be better. ???? I have doubts about his emotional availability and am wondering if I should end things because there is no real progression. At the same time, once I'm in a LTR I do tend to like my space, as i really enjoy going out with my friends a few nights a week and taking solo trips now and then. I spent the last 8 months working through my divorce with two different therapists. I'd like something good and healthy now. It doesn't have to be a marriage but I'd like to have a deeper connection with someone who is a good person but also balance that with having my own life and interests. I'm torn. Should I give Mr. Distance more time and see if he can come closer or is it time to call it quits? 1
Eggplant Posted December 7, 2013 Posted December 7, 2013 When i shared that I'm feeling scared about the lack of connection he said he would be willing to just spend time together minus the sex if that would be better. ????Take him up on this. Let the sex and the emotions progress at the same pace. Good luck. 1
Author Jdl310 Posted December 7, 2013 Author Posted December 7, 2013 Thanks for your reply. I don't know a whole lot about the past. He did express that he is still attached on some level to the woman from his one relationship, though it ended years ago. At the same time he also said he never felt the kind of intense love I had experienced with the person I married. Im not really sure what his deal is, but I do know that he is very reserved and secretive with everyone, including his family. 1
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