Does the BS usually know or suspect something with little evidence?

[GG3]

In everyone's experiences here, does the BS usually know or at least sense something is going on? Care to share your experiences?

 

I have been seeing someone for a couple of months. We work in the same office. He is divorced for two years and is with his girlfriend for over a year now. She has moved in with him and they each have children about the same age. He makes statements to me that he sees her children as his own and it sounds like they help each other with their kids a lot. I was surprised when he had started pursuing me months ago and have wondered why he is with this woman if he already wants to cheat on her.

 

He has said he does not want to leave her and when I asked why he was pursuing me, he said he could feel such an attraction to me he couldn't resist. Being that they both have children the same age, I have been treating the situation just as a friendship with benefits. We have only had sex a few times as I have avoided it because of what the situation is, but the first time we had sex he said it has "been a while." I thought that was strange being that he has been with his girlfriend for a little over a year. I would think they should still be having a lot of sex.

 

About a month ago he abruptly stopped doing lunches. We used to do lunch together a few times a week. He also did lunches with other people but I have no idea who. I had wondered who he would meet because I had an impression he has cheated on this woman before. So about a month ago, he said he was trying to eat better and didn't "have time" to do lunches anymore. He now stays at work through lunch. I have wondered if he was seen out with someone at lunch and it got back to her or if she has been on him for going out to lunch everyday and was questioning who he lunches with.

 

Not long after this started he said he wanted to do a special lunch on a certain friday day where we would go running and then go back to my place. For three weeks he asked if we were still on. So the day before I stopped by his desk and he had his personal email up. I glanced at it to see if there were other women on it and only saw junk and one from his girlfriend. The subject line was "Lunch." (He hadn't gone out to lunch all week.) The next day which was the friday of, he told me that he wasn't going to be able to run for lunch and that he would have to stay and work through the day so he could pick up the kids after work. I asked if he got a "better offer" and he said no that he would be in the office all through lunch and I was "welcome to drive by the gym" where he was taking one of the kids for an activity after work to see that that was what he was doing. He said his girlfriend has an engagement to go to after work and asked him to trade cars and pick up the kids. The email that I saw that said "Lunch" in the subject line had me wondering if she originally was trying to get him to go to lunch that day as though she suspected he was up to something and wanted to stop it? (I have no idea how she could have known though. All of this was planned on work IM or text messages which he deletes.)

 

What is strange is that in the past he had no problem taking lunch breaks before and not putting all his hours in. He is a high level manager so I don't think he is worried about anyone watching his hours. It had me wondering if he was afraid to go out using her car.

 

Further adding to this, our local paper prints articles on people and she volunteered for one. She printed in the article that he was her husband but yet maintained their last names. He doesn't wear a ring and on facebook they have each other as in a relationship. As much as she tags him online, I'm pretty certain she would have changed the status on there and on his account, there was never a "congrats" since they started dating. I'm pretty certain he is telling the truth that they aren't married and someone at work made fun of the article because it said that. But apparently she considers them to be or she is marking her territory?

 

So my question is, was she onto him or was this all a coincidence? Is the article she printed trying to mark territory? I think he has cheated on her with other people so she may be suspicious about him for a while.

 

Anyone care to share their opinions and own experiences?

[Oldspiceywolf]

I doubt she knows anything.

 

He said he has no interest in leaving her, she might sense he has something going on not above board maybe even questioned him. He is probably feeling pretty guilty because of this and he is also in a management position so he might be wary of that aspect also.

He can both want to cheat and not breakup at the same time but his ability to cheat both emotionally and in the hopes of protecting his relationship will cause him to not be consistent with his desires and promises.

 

His blowing you off seems like it is making you fall for him. You are already kinda justifying his actions although you know they are creepy. If you don't want to get caught up in some hurt Id get away from this situation. Don't worry about his situation and just believe the worst because it's probably close to that and on the other side of this you will be mad at him and yourself for getting caught up in this.

 

Just have fun in life and protect yourself, good luck getting what you want out of this situation.

Edited December 7, 2013 by Oldspiceywolf
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[Nothisgirl]

Although this isn't something I've shared on here before I was actually the BS in my marriage and I 100% knew...instinctively I just knew. That said I had to wait until I had proof ..eventually I did...I wanted to work it out. He didn't. He loved her and after he left he married her.

 

Now, how I ended up as the OW is a totally other story, that said I'm quite positive she knows as well...MM spends a lot of time with me and we talk and text at all hours of the day..she's an educated, smart woman. She has to know or at the very least strongly suspect. All that said, I'm confident she's doing the same thing so its all a big frigging mess.

[Ladydrib]

I was surprised when he had started pursuing me months ago and have wondered why he is with this woman if he already wants to cheat on her.

 

 

I apologize that I have not read your whole post yet but had to respond to this. The answer is simple. It's not confusing. He's content cheating. That's what he prefers. Why else would he continue to move forward with a relationship he can so easily leave?

 

You should stay as far away from that man as possible. Don't con yourself into thinking he's not happy with her and that's why he's getting involved with you. I can already see he's laying the groundwork for excuses with you. How her kids are so close to his kids? This will be the answer he always gives you when you ask how he could stay with her if he's unhappy. And of course he won't admit to being happy because that will simply make him a cheater.

 

Why do we believe such nonsense? Get out before you get in any deeper.

[Ladydrib]

It sounds like he has multiple girlfriends.

[Ladydrib]

And he prefers the newest.

[painfullyobvious]

At some point the BS starts to notice behaviors that are changing or odd for a spouse. Evidence will be left on a person (perfume, lipstick, etc.), caught in lies, finances don't add up, or just weird situations not making sense. I just had a weird feeling something was going on with my ex and then the stars aligned in a weird array of events that I busted her.

 

 

Even the brightest and most carefully crafted cheaters eventually become careless and the shroud of the affair is removed. Don't be there when it happens. Get out while you can without very many consequences. The FWB thing can emotionally get entangled and once emotions get involved in affairs you have a harder time leaving. You deserve better than someone's side piece.

 

 

Do you find it odd that you are worried about what another mans wife is finding out about your relationship? When she does find out it wont be fun for you. Just my opinion.

[GG3]

At some point the BS starts to notice behaviors that are changing or odd for a spouse. Evidence will be left on a person (perfume, lipstick, etc.), caught in lies, finances don't add up, or just weird situations not making sense. I just had a weird feeling something was going on with my ex and then the stars aligned in a weird array of events that I busted her.

 

 

Even the brightest and most carefully crafted cheaters eventually become careless and the shroud of the affair is removed. Don't be there when it happens. Get out while you can without very many consequences. The FWB thing can emotionally get entangled and once emotions get involved in affairs you have a harder time leaving. You deserve better than someone's side piece.

 

 

Do you find it odd that you are worried about what another mans wife is finding out about your relationship? When she does find out it wont be fun for you. Just my opinion.

 

I don't find it odd. I think I am getting too caught up in the mystery and that is not a good thing. When you find out the answers in the end, they usually are what you think they are and they are bad.

 

No I don't want to be someone's side piece at all. I had a horrible relationship a year ago and that person really beat me down. This person came along and got me to open up again and I have finally been able to talk to people with more confidence like I used to.

 

This situation is too lonely for me too. I need to find someone who is available.

[GG3]

I apologize that I have not read your whole post yet but had to respond to this. The answer is simple. It's not confusing. He's content cheating. That's what he prefers. Why else would he continue to move forward with a relationship he can so easily leave?

 

You should stay as far away from that man as possible. Don't con yourself into thinking he's not happy with her and that's why he's getting involved with you. I can already see he's laying the groundwork for excuses with you. How her kids are so close to his kids? This will be the answer he always gives you when you ask how he could stay with her if he's unhappy. And of course he won't admit to being happy because that will simply make him a cheater.

 

Why do we believe such nonsense? Get out before you get in any deeper.

 

Actually his kids being close to her kids was only my observation. He never said that. I've been assuming he probably won't want to leave her because they've all combined themselves into a family.

[Ladydrib]

I don't find it odd. I think I am getting too caught up in the mystery and that is not a good thing. When you find out the answers in the end, they usually are what you think they are and they are bad.

 

No I don't want to be someone's side piece at all. I had a horrible relationship a year ago and that person really beat me down. This person came along and got me to open up again and I have finally been able to talk to people with more confidence like I used to.

 

This situation is too lonely for me too. I need to find someone who is available.

 

If you think it's lonely now, you have no clue what is to come if you don't get out.

 

Are you going to dump him? Please say yes.

[GG3]

If you think it's lonely now, you have no clue what is to come if you don't get out.

 

Are you going to dump him? Please say yes.

 

I really want to. I have had full on relationships for years with non-cheaters and see this as way to inadequate. I just need to suck it up and stick to my guns because I know he will continue to pursue anyway.