Just got dumped... this one's hard

[DatingInYour40s]

Im glad I found this forum last week. Reading through these threads has already helped a lot. I'm going to need to keep reading to get through this painful period.

 

The guy I was dating, I ended up becoming emotionally attached to too soon. I tried not to but it happened. He was amazing, treated me like nobody ever had, all that, ya know. Lesson learned.

 

I really don't know why I'm posting but I'll be reading the pinned thread again and glad I heard about the NC rule. That saved me a lot of humiliation and more heart ache.

 

We had only been together 3 months but did a lot in that time, including a trip out of state for a week. There was so much more to look forward to. And guess reading from someone else's post, probably shouldn't give him the Christmas gift I got him. ?

 

He broke up via text. Didn't want to talk about it. He had been withdrawing for a couple weeks now. Said its not someone else but who knows. Ultimately said I'm not the one. Fair enough.

 

So, I'm going to take some time to be alone. Masking the pain with another relationship probably isn't a good idea. I have met a lot of guys interested in me but the feeling isn't mutual. It takes a lot for me to fall for a guy. He's the 2nd one. Why is this dating world so freaking hard?

[LostConfused123]

Im glad I found this forum last week. Reading through these threads has already helped a lot. I'm going to need to keep reading to get through this painful period.

 

The guy I was dating, I ended up becoming emotionally attached to too soon. I tried not to but it happened. He was amazing, treated me like nobody ever had, all that, ya know. Lesson learned.

 

I really don't know why I'm posting but I'll be reading the pinned thread again and glad I heard about the NC rule. That saved me a lot of humiliation and more heart ache.

 

We had only been together 3 months but did a lot in that time, including a trip out of state for a week. There was so much more to look forward to. And guess reading from someone else's post, probably shouldn't give him the Christmas gift I got him. ?

 

He broke up via text. Didn't want to talk about it. He had been withdrawing for a couple weeks now. Said its not someone else but who knows. Ultimately said I'm not the one. Fair enough.

 

So, I'm going to take some time to be alone. Masking the pain with another relationship probably isn't a good idea. I have met a lot of guys interested in me but the feeling isn't mutual. It takes a lot for me to fall for a guy. He's the 2nd one. Why is this dating world so freaking hard?

Wow! Our stories are so similar.

I too had a brief but very passionate (on my end anyway) relationship. Mine ended for different reasons but the fact is they let us go so the reasons still hurt like he'll.

 

I was reading here (can't remember what thread) that new relationships that abruptly end can be so devastating because for one, the dumpee doesn't see it coming and also our brains are still being pumped with the "falling in love chemicals) then BAM!!! We are completely and unexpectedly cut off and the withdrawals are almost unbearable. Hence the anxiety, loss of sleep and appetite, etc.

 

I'm barely over 6 weeks NC and the anxiety is much better than before. I still have my moments where all I can think of is getting my "fix" but thank God they are becoming fewer. I did have a "withdrawal moment" this morning. . . oh did it hurt!!!!!

 

If you don't mind me asking, how long have you been in NC?

 

hugs to you my friend! I know how you feel (weak smile)

[DatingInYour40s]

Thanks Lost.

 

The breakup just happened this morning. So only NC for a half a day. This is so painful. Wide range of emotions. In a fog.

 

I'm sorry you had a withdrawal this morning. So hard!

 

I had a difficult break up last year that was so hard on me so I hope I do better now than then. I didn't know about NC last year.

 

What's sad is we had plans today and tomorrow. This sudden breakup is cruel. You're right- I'm still in the falling in love stage - so this is mental/emotional chaos.

 

Thanks for your empathy.

[LostConfused123]

Thanks Lost.

 

The breakup just happened this morning. So only NC for a half a day. This is so painful. Wide range of emotions. In a fog.

 

I'm sorry you had a withdrawal this morning. So hard!

 

I had a difficult break up last year that was so hard on me so I hope I do better now than then. I didn't know about NC last year.

 

What's sad is we had plans today and tomorrow. This sudden breakup is cruel. You're right- I'm still in the falling in love stage - so this is mental/emotional chaos.

 

Thanks for your empathy.

You're most welcome! Glad you found this site. It has really helped me and it will you too.

 

I understand that being in fog feeling. It's awful!

I blocked him in every way and that has really helped. Sometimes (like today) it feels so surreal. . . like one day I was on cloud nine and literally the next day in the pits of hell. . sounds dramatic but I swear to God that's how it feels. I sometimes feel a little. no ALOT "ripped off" like I wasn't even given a fair chance.

 

It is getting a little easier though day by day. I'm sure you will find that to be true for you too.

Best of luck!!! We're here for you

 

((hugs))

[loveiswar101]

Only today, probably more in shock, mine was just Friday night by phone, after 15mths thought she would of done it face to face. Anyhow today will be hard but next few days harder. This is my second BU from the same girl and because i fixed it once i think I can again, but im the dumpee this time and I try to keep that top of my list, she got rid of me, yes I did say hurtful things I regret, we all make mistakes, but she dumped me. Wants me back she can call, text or whatever. I left ours saying that I understood I was sorry and loved her and if she wants to try again she has my number.

 

I'm not sure how you left it with the text messages but he dumped you. NC i think is the only way for both of us.

 

there for u friend...

[DatingInYour40s]

I'm not sure how you left it with the text messages but he dumped you. NC i think is the only way for both of us.

 

there for u friend...

 

Thanks!

 

He wouldn't even call me during the break up convo. :/

[DatingInYour40s]

Three months is not long but it doesn't mean it still doesn't hurt. This is the lesson for me and not to fall in love within 3 months and don't look forward to any type of future with someone.

 

That said, time together doesn't equate to the amount of pain. When my 24 year marriage ended, it didn't hurt. Am I sorry it ended? Absolutely but there's a difference in being in love and realizing two people shouldn't be together.

[LostConfused123]

Three months is not long but it doesn't mean it still doesn't hurt. This is the lesson for me and not to fall in love within 3 months and don't look forward to any type of future with someone.

 

That said, time together doesn't equate to the amount of pain. When my 24 year marriage ended, it didn't hurt. Am I sorry it ended? Absolutely but there's a difference in being in love and realizing two people shouldn't be together.

Exactly!

There are many people here hurting from brief relationships. I ended a seven year relationship a little over a year ago. I fell out of love and realized we were incompatible. I was a little sad but nothing like the pain I am recovering from now!!! It's excruciating!!

 

I understand completely OP!! Losing someone in the falling in love stage is awful and heartbreaking! It's also a loss of not only them but future dreams that will never happen now.

 

I had so much more to share with him. So much left to say

 

((hugs!!)

[DatingInYour40s]

It's also a loss of not only them but future dreams that will never happen now.

 

I had so much more to share with him. So much left to say

 

((hugs!!)

 

Yes, yes and yes! I wish I would have shared more but guess it wouldn't have made a difference. What's done is done.

[LostConfused123]

Yes, yes and yes! I wish I would have shared more but guess it wouldn't have made a difference. What's done is done.

I keep thinking, had I only known it was going to end so suddenly, I would have told him I loved him. (looking back I had nothing to lose anyway) He already knew I did but there is something different about looking someone in the eye and saying it.

 

 

Oh well, too late now. Now it would just make me look like a pathetic crazy girl! ha ha!

 

 

And anyway, he lost out because when I love a man. I LOVE BIG TIME!!!

 

 

It's their loss OP!

[DatingInYour40s]

Helpful short article I just read on growing from breakups:

 

Dr. Laura: 5 Reasons Why No Relationship is a Waste of Time

[Just smile]

Dating sucks ,, I assume your in your 40s? I am too. The guy I was with , was my 2nd long term relationship. My husband of 17 years was my first, I'm inexperienced in the relationship world for a woman my age, I was involved with this guy during my divorce , never had a chance to be alone. Jumped right into another relationship.

 

I should be happy to be free to date, and date, and date. And you know what!? I can't be bothered. I have a ton of guys asking me out.. I do not want to be bothered, and dating totally sucks in your 40s. At least for me it does. And I believe this is why I stayed in a toxic relationship for as long as I did.

 

Hang in there I know it hurts.

[LostConfused123]

Dating sucks ,, I assume your in your 40s? I am too. The guy I was with , was my 2nd long term relationship. My husband of 17 years was my first, I'm inexperienced in the relationship world for a woman my age, I was involved with this guy during my divorce , never had a chance to be alone. Jumped right into another relationship.

 

I should be happy to be free to date, and date, and date. And you know what!? I can't be bothered. I have a ton of guys asking me out.. I do not want to be bothered, and dating totally sucks in your 40s. At least for me it does. And I believe this is why I stayed in a toxic relationship for as long as I did.

 

Hang in there I know it hurts.

Same here. 41. I actually like being in my 40s. I'm much wiser now and still look damn good (just sayin) LOL!!!!! I think dating sucks at any age. I was never a "serial dater" or anything.

I was talking to an old friend the other day and she said something that stuck with me...... "I don't think heartbreak ever gets any easier" I remember thinking it would when I was younger but loss is loss and feels ****ty no matter what age you are. The only good thing is now I know I will survive it.

 

 

20 years ago I thought I would be an 80 year old woman on my deathbed STILL loving and hurting from my first heartbreak. Thank God, I know better now.

((hugs))

[DatingInYour40s]

Dating sucks ,, I assume your in your 40s? I am too. The guy I was with , was my 2nd long term relationship. My husband of 17 years was my first, I'm inexperienced in the relationship world for a woman my age, I was involved with this guy during my divorce , never had a chance to be alone. Jumped right into another relationship.

 

Hang in there I know it hurts.

 

 

Thanks. Yup 45 and single for the last two years. Have dated a lot but only interested in two that didn't work out. I am not giving up hope. I have a lot of guys interested in me but I am not settling.

 

I have the tendency to look for another relationship when one ends but I think I will take some time and focus on other things in my life for awhile and be alone.