Amaury Posted December 7, 2013 Posted December 7, 2013 So the last few days I have been finding it really hard to stay positive and keep my mind off my ex. The reason for that is during our relationship I'm not going to say I was the best boyfriend but I thought I was a really good one atleast. I always told her I loved her, because I did (or I thought I did) I took her out every chance I had, told her how beautiful she was and always pushed her in school when she needed the motivation. Then we started growing apart and she started showing signs of the GIG syndrome and we broke up on good terms. Not too long after she was always going out partying drinking getting high and sleeping around, then she gets a new job and another month passes and she gets an even better job because of her grandmothers connections at work. Yet my internet got disconnected for over 3 weeks so i couldnt apply to jobs (now i am again thank god) and I've been applying since before her, but I haven't heard a thing regarding new job oppurtunities, I haven't been going out or hanging out with friends because after being with my ex for a yr and half I forgot that they don't like going out anymore and we have grown apart and aren't as close, I lost my wallet, and the week after I lost my phone, plus I haven't had sex with anyone since my ex and im all frustrated while my ex has slept with 3 dudes in october alone so who knows how many more she has slept with by now. I'm ranting because before her I didnt have a girlfriend for over 2 yrs but I was still dating and having fun but not committing to anyone because the ex before that was my first love and I was very devasted so I pushed everyone away. That made a few girls sad unhappy and mad, but I was happy because I didn't have a care in the world. So from your experiences, do you believe nice ppl finish last and its better to hurt then be hurt? Also what's a good way to deal with your ex obviously doing better then you after the break up?
strive Posted December 7, 2013 Posted December 7, 2013 Also what's a good way to deal with your ex obviously doing better then you after the break up? The answer is simple: STOP OBSESSING ABOUT HER. This isn't a competition on who has more friends, who has a better job or who slept with more people. Stop comparing yourself to her. You'll just end up being bitter, and would make you miserable in turn. Nobody likes miserable people. Work on yourself instead. Do things you like, even simple or little things. Just keep trying to look for that job you want, it'll eventually come to you. And seriously, so what if she slept with a hundred men? Again, this is not a competition. By working on yourself and becoming a better person, you'll find yourself attracting more positive things in life. So do just these two things: Go NC and stop comparing. 1
LostConfused123 Posted December 7, 2013 Posted December 7, 2013 The above poster gave great advice! Honestly though, my mind sometimes goes to those thoughts too. I have to make an effort to push them aside because I'm only hurting myself. As far as your post title. . I felt the same but now I'm not so sure if I was nice or just being a door matt. it will get easier. Stay strong my friend. Peace and hugs! 1
Mrlonelyone Posted December 7, 2013 Posted December 7, 2013 What the others said. I will add that, she could be sleeping around and have what looks like a better job and be totally miserable. When women sleep around it's not an accomplishment. Heterosexual men, in a pickup bar, will put it in any willing hole that offers itself up to them. So 1.) it's not a competition, and 2.) she could very well be utterly miserable too. Just move on from her. 3
Author Amaury Posted December 7, 2013 Author Posted December 7, 2013 The answer is simple: STOP OBSESSING ABOUT HER. This isn't a competition on who has more friends, who has a better job or who slept with more people. Stop comparing yourself to her. You'll just end up being bitter, and would make you miserable in turn. Nobody likes miserable people. Work on yourself instead. Do things you like, even simple or little things. Just keep trying to look for that job you want, it'll eventually come to you. And seriously, so what if she slept with a hundred men? Again, this is not a competition. By working on yourself and becoming a better person, you'll find yourself attracting more positive things in life. So do just these two things: Go NC and stop comparing. Yeah I know your right and I haven't broken NC and its not like I follow her on any social networks I just know of those things because we worked together. The thing that makes me bitter isnt that she is doing better then me I'm just kindve questioning how life works seeing as how I'm the one getting the worst end of it despite the fact that I was as the nicer one while she turned into a b**** lol but your right about the cheering up part because people don't like miserable ppl xD
strive Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 Ouch, that's hard if you work with her. That's still not NC because you still know what she's doing But yup mrlonelyone could be right and she might be miserable deep down but just want to show you she's having a blast. They say that the saddest people smile the brightest. I don't think nice people finish last. I believe more in "life isn't fair." lol 1
ponchsox Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 Nope. They finish first but they sometimes don't realize it.
Sugarkane Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 Girls always do better after a breakup because guys are always on the prowl. That's BS. Because if you're the dumpee, you're going to be hurting longer. No one wants to date a depressed and heartbroken person. My ex is male, cheated and yet everyone took his side.
Mrlonelyone Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 Girls always do better after a breakup because guys are always on the prowl. I don't know that they do better. There are just plenty of men on the prowl for vulnerable women to use and discard. Ever watch Family Guy? Is a woman getting with Quagmire really "doing better"? Family guy giggity jaws - YouTube
carhill Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 So from your experiences, do you believe nice ppl finish last and its better to hurt then be hurt? IMO, it's difficult to discern what 'last' really is. If one believes that having a partner makes them 'first', then not having a partner in light of that perception could cause one to feel 'last'. Each person defines the parameters individually. Also what's a good way to deal with your ex obviously doing better then you after the break up? If you black hole (NC) the ex, you'll never know whether they're doing better or worse; additionally, appearances can be deceiving. One can never really know what is in the mind of another. It's purely perception, which is infused with one's own psychology and projection. I personally found NC to work great when divorcing. Zero the ex-spouse out and move on. Having been on both sides of the 'hurt' dynamic, I'll pass on intentionally hurting people. Didn't like the taste of that at all. I'd rather be alone. Good luck. 3
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