Mary80 Posted December 7, 2013 Posted December 7, 2013 I'm so hurt, I don't even know where to start from. He's Jewish and I'm not. But we talked about this in the past and decided to share everything. He celebrates Christmas and I want to celebrate Hanukkah. But guess what. He celebrated it with his family and not with me. He didn't say anything about it and let it go by. I suspected it was soon going to be Hanukkah time, so I looked it up online. And well, it was already over. So I asked him why he didn't tell me. And here's the list of things he said: it's a minor holiday it's not important to me it's nothing you're not jewish (this one really stings as if I were not one of the family, like a stranger) I was very upset, because this happened in the past, we had long talks about it and I really hoped this was not going to happen anymore. I mean, if he couldn't bother with presents, maybe just a Happy Hanukkah would have been fine. He just had to tell me. I really don't know what's wrong with him. He said he didn't hide it. So what do you call that? You might think it's a silly thing, but that means a lot to me, because he hid it from me. He didn't feel like celebrating it with me. In addition to that, his birthday was in the middle of Hanukkah and I sent him a birthday present, though he insisted I shouldn't have. What do you think? I started having second thoughts about his love for me because of this. I just feel like shutting down.
justwhoiam Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 Is he planning to give up celebrating that holiday? I mean if you were living together? Or when you will live together, would you be celebrating it? If the answer is NO, then I guess you have nothing to worry about.
Author Mary80 Posted December 12, 2013 Author Posted December 12, 2013 Is he planning to give up celebrating that holiday? I mean if you were living together? Or when you will live together, would you be celebrating it? If the answer is NO, then I guess you have nothing to worry about. Thanks. I don't know. I was wondering if anyone else had the same problem in a LDR. We talked, I feel slightly better now. Though I feel like I missed something I thought we were going to share. I'm still confused. But in the end, he promised it won't happen anymore.
CherryT Posted December 13, 2013 Posted December 13, 2013 I don't understand how you can act like it's such a big deal when you didn't care enough to even know when the holiday was. How does one hide a holiday?? If it's not a big holiday for him and he celebrates because his family is Jewish, it probably is just that - not that important to him. But if it's so important to you, you should be proactive and at least know when it is.
Author Mary80 Posted December 14, 2013 Author Posted December 14, 2013 I don't understand how you can act like it's such a big deal when you didn't care enough to even know when the holiday was. How does one hide a holiday?? If it's not a big holiday for him and he celebrates because his family is Jewish, it probably is just that - not that important to him. But if it's so important to you, you should be proactive and at least know when it is. Thanks. Well, last year, it was in December. This year, it was in November. When I realized, it was too late. In my country, no one knows about that holiday. That's how I missed it. It's important to be because it's a holiday for him! Get it?
CherryT Posted December 15, 2013 Posted December 15, 2013 (edited) Thanks. Well, last year, it was in December. This year, it was in November. When I realized, it was too late. In my country, no one knows about that holiday. That's how I missed it. It's important to be because it's a holiday for him! Get it? If it's important for you, then why wouldn't you be proactive to find out? Get it? I think it's a bit silly that you're questioning his love for you because he didn't mention a holiday that isn't even that important to him. But if you want to pick fights about it, then go for it. I've dated guys with different cultural and religious backgrounds as me. The guys I've dated were all born in my country and "westernized" so although they celebrated certain holidays with family, they really didn't think it was a big deal or even know much of it. My ex had holidays that weren't important to him, but it was important to me to show his family that I was open to their traditions as well. I had asked my then-boyfriend what was appropriate for me to do… he had no clue. He said he just shows up and that's really it. So I made sure I knew when it was the following year we were together and brought a treat that was respectful to that holiday. Because it wasn't important to him, I didn't expect him to proactively tell me. You're in a LDR and you probably don't celebrate everything together that you want. I get that. My Fiance and I have been LD for years. But if this isn't a big deal to him and you're making him feel like his love for you is inadequate because he didn't disclose a tradition, in his religion, and he doesn't find important... I think pick your battles. Edited December 15, 2013 by CherryT
soccerrprp Posted December 15, 2013 Posted December 15, 2013 Mary, Hanukah is a relatively minor holiday for Jews. It's unfortunately close to Christmas and gets a little more press and significance placed on it b/c of it. He says it won't happen again. He now knows how important it is for you to celebrate such things and that's a good thing. Let this go, but I must tell you, your not being Jewish will likely be an issue if the relationship goes much further. So, read up on Hanukah, Judaism, etc. b/c I suspect conversion is in order in the future (and how your children will be raised). It sounds like I'm jumping the gun, but all I'm saying is to learn as much about his religion as you can and get a good idea of how observant he is. Good luck. 1
Author Mary80 Posted December 15, 2013 Author Posted December 15, 2013 @CherryT, I tried to be proactive. I found that out by myself. Just, the holiday was over already. I was busy delivering my gift for his birthday, which was towards the end of Hanukkah. And it can get very difficult at times to deliver anything. @James Saint James, I feel like one of the family, because he proposed to me. @soccerrprp, thanks for your nice words. I let it go. I have no problem embracing everything Jewish, but he's more willing to convert to the Christian religion.
soccerrprp Posted December 15, 2013 Posted December 15, 2013 @soccerrprp, thanks for your nice words. I let it go. I have no problem embracing everything Jewish, but he's more willing to convert to the Christian religion. Really?! Hmmm, I wonder how much influence his parents have on him. Good luck.
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