FrostBlaze Posted December 7, 2013 Posted December 7, 2013 (edited) I've got a friend in this situation and i don't know how to help him, i don't know every detail of his relationship but here it goes. We talk often about his problems and i really don't know what to say, i often think he is also in the wrong. He has been with this girl for two years, he practically never really liked her for who SHE was, that's the impression he left me why?. Because He always tried to change her, for the better he would say, but he would hope for this radical changes in personality, it's like he is playing with a doll, molding her to his likes. He tells her what she can and can't do, etc, totally controling. I am pretty biased even as his friend, i told him you are maybe a bit too controling over it all, he said it's for her own good, he knows what he is doing...idk. (this talk was like half a year ago) He broke up with her for about 2-3 months now are back toghether for a few weeks and almost broke it off again. Because they are just to different, and that he didn't manage to change her at all. That is what he told me as he complained to me, but for the moment he changed his mind and still sticks with her. I am at a loss of what to think, he is losing his marbles sometimes, the girl won't let him go even if he did try to dump, she insists so much he takes her back and idk why he does. I am confused if HE actually loves her, or it's Pity-love becauese she is quite MISERABLE.(and he is caring) he thinks he can get something out of her, but obviously to ME, he doesn't love her for what SHE is/was, my opinion. She does however love him because he took care of her and got her out of some srs problems. In your opinions is this pointless? Trying to change someone? Not only that, what do you think about the situation? :\. i think he is confused about his feelings, controling her too much, and it's more of a pity love. Edited December 7, 2013 by FrostBlaze
John316C Posted December 7, 2013 Posted December 7, 2013 they both have problems. your question is not wide enough and precise enough to... apply. this situation can be broken down into several issues with both of them meaning several questions to address them both. yes you can train your gf... in fact we train each other every day how to treat us. but your friend 99% doesnt know exactly what hes doing. if i took your question trying to change someone... which is much too general too correctly apply to this entire situation the answer is people only become better versions of themselves. unless they decide to change on a fundamental level. doesnt matter if trying to change someone is good or bad question is can it be done and for the right reason for a good reason
Author FrostBlaze Posted December 7, 2013 Author Posted December 7, 2013 (edited) I'm only a observer most of the time, and what he tells me when we talk so i can't know too much, sometimes talk to her since we know eachother. He just told me she was a mess and got her back on her feet, so it is for a good reason i suppose. However they almost never actually get along, very to none things in common. As for the controlling bit, it's not small changes, he changes her whole behavior and dictates what she can and can't do, at times i wonder if she has any free will. He can tell her to stop being friends with that or do that, and she will reluctantly accept. I can't get into more details sorry, i don't wanna spill everything ^^. He might also just be too atached because he is a introvert...so he doesn't meet women much, and takes this as his only hope, idk i am just speculating. Ty for the reply, more would be apreciated. I might have one last talk with him or none at all about this situation, it's beyond me i can't help him. Edited December 7, 2013 by FrostBlaze
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