amy4life Posted December 7, 2013 Posted December 7, 2013 (edited) This might be a dumb question but I've been dating this guy recently. We were supposed to spend the night watching a marathon of movies. He fell asleep during the 2nd one pretty early and I decided to leave and let him rest. He didn't want me to go but I told him I needed to check up on my dog and would be back later. When I return, the door is unlocked and he's totally passed out fully naked, with a blanket wrapped around his penis. This was very, very odd. And I had only been gone for an hour and a half tops. When I entered the door, I loudly yelled at him to awaken but he continued to be passed out. I was yelling so loudly and am unsure why he didn't wake up. Honestly the whole thing was very weird. It actually turned me off. We haven't had sex yet either. Also, earlier that evening while watching movies he was attempting to grope my breasts and feel them through my shirt. There was no making out, touching in other areas or anything to really get me into this. We were literally holding hands watching a movie and then suddenly he's groping my breasts. It just seemed something that might happen as an adolescent not as a 27 year old guy. And he was obviously disappointed that I wasn't responding to his ridiculous groping. He's done this before in the past, but I have no idea why he's doing it. He knows how to do real foreplay and how to get me in the mood, I just don't get the weird groping and then the frustration that I'm not getting super excited and turned on. Sometimes he's just joking and other times he's serious and even gets mad at my reactions to it. I just don't get it. Any ideas? He's been seeing me for almost 4 months so this isn't just about sex. He understands why we haven't had sex yet and has been very understanding. We have fooled around and honestly until today, I really thought the groping thing had ended since he was just being passionate and sensual like normal. Yesterday, we did get more intimate emotionally and he almost admitted to falling in love with me and we did spend the whole day together, been acting silly and ridiculous, but I don't know the last few hours with the weird sexual behavior have been really atypical. I'm not sure what to think. EDIT: Also one more important note. Yesterday he was arguing with a friend over the phone about me (I heard parts of it). After me asking him what was going on, he told me his friend thought it was strange we haven't had sex yet and thought I was weird and that he shouldn't be wasting his time with me. The guy I'm seeing knows why we aren't having sex and agrees with it 100% and has been vocal about how he'd like to have sex with me but understands why I'm distrusting and how he's fine with it. Yesterday evening he made it very clear that being with me is far more important than sex and he's not sure why his friend can't see that. It all seemed very sincere. This whole behavior just seems really atypical since the argument he had with his friend yesterday Edited December 7, 2013 by amy4life
TB Rhine Posted December 7, 2013 Posted December 7, 2013 You should cut this guy loose and not get involved with anyone again until you are ready to have an adult relationship. 1
lollipopspot Posted December 7, 2013 Posted December 7, 2013 I don't get why he's arguing with his friend about having sex with you. And telling you about the argument. I can get confiding in his friend privately and discussing it, but this is too public.
MidwestUSA Posted December 7, 2013 Posted December 7, 2013 Well, I'll just stick to the first question. Perhaps after you left, he decided to get name with himself and masturbate. Into or on the blanket. Which then ended up wrapped around him. As he fell asleep. Groping? Eeew.
crederer Posted December 7, 2013 Posted December 7, 2013 Sounds to me that he's getting sexually frustrated and losing his patience, even though he says other wise. He's done things he thought would get you in the mood (you say he's capable of being good at foreplay, so he was putting in an effort then). He probably did some foreplay a bunch of times hoping it'd lead to sex, then it didn't. So now he's just going right for the gusto as he feels "what's the point in putting the effort in if I don't get anything back"? I've kind of been in his situation. My girl and I had a lot of sex but she started taking meds that lowered her libido significantly. She'd get worked up saying she felt bad, etc, and I didn't want her to feel bad about it so I told her things that I thought would make her feel better about herself. I was very supportive and understanding. I'd have to put in a crazy amount of effort just to get her even slightly aroused. Then still get rejected. I even remember on our 2 year anniversary, after us going almost 2 months with no sex (in our mid 20's) and I was trying to be all romantic and going the whole nine yards, quite confident that we'd have sex given the occassion and everything. Still got rejected. After that I just completely lost my patience and any time I wanted sex I didn't much about, just went right for it, cause I was completely frustrated and felt no matter what I do it's not going to have a better result, so just hope it's that once in a blue moon period where she is good to go. Also, it got to a point where we had so little sex, and if I was rejected, I'd go handle my business myself, which she didn't want me to do because it was hard for her self esteem LOL!!! "Naw, don't worry about my self esteem and constantly getting rejected, babe. I'll just go the rest of my life with blue balls". Any ways, the point I'm trying to make is that he might not be as cool with it as he says. I was cool with it for a while, tried my best, but it came to the point where my needs were simply being neglected, and in retrospect, him doing the weird boob grabby thing kind of reminded me of how I got once I just gave up even trying the proper way. 3
MalachiX Posted December 7, 2013 Posted December 7, 2013 Doesn't sound very attractive on his part. I never get handsy with someone without kissing and passion. Why aren't you guys having sex? Is there something about this dude you don't trust? Four months is a long time so maybe your instincts are telling you something which this weird behavior is confirming.
Khyla Posted December 7, 2013 Posted December 7, 2013 Sounds to me that he's getting sexually frustrated and losing his patience, even though he says other wise. ... I have to agree with crederer on this.
TB Rhine Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 He 'let slip' about what his friend said as a passive-aggressive way of expressing his own feelings, or at least as a way to get the two of you into a conversation about the issue. (This is the same reason he stripped down and wrapped up his d*** like a care package in anticipation of your return, in case you were wondering). Look, if your determination to stay chaste this far into the relationship is a religious thing, find a man who shares your beliefs and will (hopefully) not be (too) frustrated by them. If it's because you've been abused or traumatized or what have you, you're obviously not ready for a healthy, adult sexual relationship, so dump this guy and get into therapy or something 'til you get your mind right on the issue. Like it or not, social mores have changed, and seeing someone for 4 months without having sex is just not how it's done anymore, if it ever was. 3
jcrew11 Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 This is called "The Naked Man" strategy on How I met your mother. It works 2 out of 3 times - the guy gets naked and tries to jump start a sexual encounter with the girlfriend.
MidwestUSA Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 This is called "The Naked Man" strategy on How I met your mother. It works 2 out of 3 times - the guy gets naked and tries to jump start a sexual encounter with the girlfriend. Now I have the bad visual of the guy on Robin's couch!!
MalachiX Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 This is called "The Naked Man" strategy on How I met your mother. It works 2 out of 3 times - the guy gets naked and tries to jump start a sexual encounter with the girlfriend. First of all, a proper naked man requires you to be awake Second, if you've been dating for four months, it's no longer a "naked man" play as you're long passed the point of this being a quick one-night-stand (which is the whole point of the naked man as you know they'd never be in a relationship with you).
BOREDouttaMymind Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 two simple words for you.. ditch him.
jcrew11 Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 First of all, a proper naked man requires you to be awake Second, if you've been dating for four months, it's no longer a "naked man" play as you're long passed the point of this being a quick one-night-stand (which is the whole point of the naked man as you know they'd never be in a relationship with you). well, he wasn't really passed out, he was just pretending to pass out. She was screaming and he didn't wake up - so either he was drunked out or just wanted her to give him a BJ or HJ. IF my gf was lying in bed in lingerei or naked, it could definitely turn me on. He was just hoping she would get frisky instead of being a cold person.
StanMusial Posted December 8, 2013 Posted December 8, 2013 Maybe he was fast asleep. Some people sleep bare assed, I know I do.
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