jessiej Posted December 7, 2013 Posted December 7, 2013 hey everyone, i'm going through a really rough time right now and really need to just vent and maybe talk to someone. I dated my ex for almost 3 years, i'm 18 and hes 20. About two months ago, i saw that some girls had been texting him and I asked him about it while we were on the phone, he snapped on me and dumped me on the phone saying he didn't want to be together anymore. I thought it was just an arugment, we've broken up in heated moments before, but always got back together in a few days because the argument wasn't worth losing our relationship. So two days later I called him to talk to him and fix things, he was sooo mean and cruel to me for no reason. He was screaming at me, saying he didn't love me anymore, that dating me for so long was stupid, that he liked other girls and wanted to have sex with them, and was calling me a crazy bitch for calling him and saying he hated me. I never did ANYTHING to him at all. I was always there for him. Our relationship wasn't the best and I know he didn't treat me right. He yelled at me all the time and was emotionally and physically abusive, but I stuck around hoping he'd change. I lost every single one of my friends because of this man. After the break up, I went NC for a while, but I ended up having to break it because I needed my things back from his house, I still haven't got them yet because we've both been busy and I haven't been able to go there. Anyways, in the past two months he hasn't tried to contact me at all. I don't understand how he could just stop loving me for no reason? I'm not trying to toot my own horn, but I mean I wasn't a bad girlfriend, I was always there for him and now he just doesn't want me in his life. I thought we could at least be friends or something. The other day I heard he got into a car accident, so I texted him to see if he was alright and asked what happened and he just said "long story". Yesterday was my birthday... Idk why but I thought he would text me and at least say happy birthday? He didn't. My brother wrote on my facebook wall saying happy birthday and he liked it. And I uploaded a pic of the puppy I got as a present and he liked it. And it hurts that he knew it was my birthday and was on facebook and didn't bother to say anything.. IDK how to get over him!! I still love him but I know he doesnt treat me right. I spent all of my time with him, and lost all my friends and now I have absolutely no one at all. I spent my 18th birthday all alone too... To make things even worse, I know his fbook password.. he knows I know it because he told me it forever ago, and he hasn't changed it. And its SO hard not to go on it, and I have I went on it today and theres just tons of messages of him with girls saying all the things he use to say to me and it hurts so bad. I know its crazy and obsessive that I read them and I know it just hurts me but idk what to do. I'm sorry this is so long I just need to vent. I feel so alone and depressed and idk what to do..
JDPT Posted December 7, 2013 Posted December 7, 2013 It's evident that he checked out of the relationship long ago. This is something that you need to come to terms with. Although it sounds like you guys had your moments where you would "break up" and then reconcile, this time around looks like its real. Start thinking about yourself and acknowledge the fact that this relationship has been a toxic one for too long. We tend to sugar coat shortcomings in the name of "love" and utterly neglect ourselves in the process. There will be many ups and downs for you in the near future and perhaps you are experiencing how painful it is already but you must find that inner strength to propel yourself forward and know that you will come out of victorious and a new and improved you. 1
Author jessiej Posted December 7, 2013 Author Posted December 7, 2013 Yeah I know. He didn't just wake up one day and stop loving me, like you said, he checked out a long time ago. I just wish he would have communicated with me, that way if something was wrong I could fix it. I know the relationship was toxic and I didn't deserve all the things he did to me... but for some reason I always stuck around. I'm just beating myself up about the whole situation. And I have no one to talk to or be there for me, he was the only person I had
JDPT Posted December 7, 2013 Posted December 7, 2013 I understand your desperation but it's utterly counterproductive to wish for a better past at this point. Things unfolded the way they did for a reason. You are too emotional and not thinking straight. You must give yourself some time to sort yourself out. Post here often, you are in a good place. 1
Author jessiej Posted December 7, 2013 Author Posted December 7, 2013 thank you, i just want to feel better and i dont know how
JDPT Posted December 7, 2013 Posted December 7, 2013 Start by understanding that you were disrespected and that you should always hold yourself at high regards. You are no ones puppet or mop. You deserve better than the treatment you were presented with. Be strong and ride this bad wave. This is recovery and you must proactively go trough the grunt work. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted December 7, 2013 Posted December 7, 2013 He did you a favor by breaking up with you honestly. That relationship was awful and thankfully he ended it before putting you through more personal anguish. I mean, you do realize this was for the best don't you? No one should be in a situation where they are physically and emotionally abused. You need to realize that first and foremost. Then you need to figure out why you subjected yourself to the losing end of such an arrangement and why you chose an abusive, awful person over your friends. Then you need to make new, healthy friends. But first, your goal should be to realize that this break, while painful, probably saved you a lifetime of awful treatment and anguish. You have an opportunity to change your life for the better and be a person who values themselves and who quality people will find value in. This breakup saved your life, at least temporarily. It's up to you to blossom from this, not find another abusive relationship. 2
nevergoodenough Posted December 7, 2013 Posted December 7, 2013 hey everyone, i'm going through a really rough time right now and really need to just vent and maybe talk to someone. I dated my ex for almost 3 years, i'm 18 and hes 20. About two months ago, i saw that some girls had been texting him and I asked him about it while we were on the phone, he snapped on me and dumped me on the phone saying he didn't want to be together anymore. I thought it was just an arugment, we've broken up in heated moments before, but always got back together in a few days because the argument wasn't worth losing our relationship. So two days later I called him to talk to him and fix things, he was sooo mean and cruel to me for no reason. He was screaming at me, saying he didn't love me anymore, that dating me for so long was stupid, that he liked other girls and wanted to have sex with them, and was calling me a crazy bitch for calling him and saying he hated me. I never did ANYTHING to him at all. I was always there for him. Our relationship wasn't the best and I know he didn't treat me right. He yelled at me all the time and was emotionally and physically abusive, but I stuck around hoping he'd change. I lost every single one of my friends because of this man. After the break up, I went NC for a while, but I ended up having to break it because I needed my things back from his house, I still haven't got them yet because we've both been busy and I haven't been able to go there. Anyways, in the past two months he hasn't tried to contact me at all. I don't understand how he could just stop loving me for no reason? I'm not trying to toot my own horn, but I mean I wasn't a bad girlfriend, I was always there for him and now he just doesn't want me in his life. I thought we could at least be friends or something. The other day I heard he got into a car accident, so I texted him to see if he was alright and asked what happened and he just said "long story". Yesterday was my birthday... Idk why but I thought he would text me and at least say happy birthday? He didn't. My brother wrote on my facebook wall saying happy birthday and he liked it. And I uploaded a pic of the puppy I got as a present and he liked it. And it hurts that he knew it was my birthday and was on facebook and didn't bother to say anything.. IDK how to get over him!! I still love him but I know he doesnt treat me right. I spent all of my time with him, and lost all my friends and now I have absolutely no one at all. I spent my 18th birthday all alone too... To make things even worse, I know his fbook password.. he knows I know it because he told me it forever ago, and he hasn't changed it. And its SO hard not to go on it, and I have I went on it today and theres just tons of messages of him with girls saying all the things he use to say to me and it hurts so bad. I know its crazy and obsessive that I read them and I know it just hurts me but idk what to do. I'm sorry this is so long I just need to vent. I feel so alone and depressed and idk what to do.. From what you wrote, he appears to be interested in others. Maybe you weren't a bad gf to him, but at least he is telling you where he stands now. If he is abusive, you should not have stayed regardless. You deserve much better, you will rebuild and find someone that will treat you right one day. Never let someone abuse you and mistreat you like that, you are worth so much more.
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