change

[MoooOinkBaaa]

If you've been in a relationship over four years then you are compatible if that relationship extends to six or more years, most of the time that means it works. It doesn't take seven years to realize they are not for you.

 

If you get dumped because you changed why shouldn't you be given another chance because people say you can't change someone, or you can't fix someone, or just find someone compatible in the first place.

 

They say people don't change, but clearly they do because they changed once they can change back if it's a bad change and they are aware. They subconsciously changed for whatever reasons but they were no longer positive or funny or patient.

 

Do dumpers in these scenarios (not my own) give up and believe people can't change, even though they changed already?

 

Doesn't Obama constantly scream we can change?

 

I guess people just fall out of love by then and end up changing themselves and that's called growing apart?

[GeneralJennyJenn]

I don't believe the length of a relationship should be a deciding factor on whether or not people do or don't change. I think if its not working anymore, or if someone is being mistreated then decide to leave (as I did with my 2nd ex) who I dated for almost 6 years.

 

I have seen friends of mine simply grow apart. In some cases, a person cheated, in others they met when they were too young and it couldn't last.

 

In psychology there is a term called emerging adulthood, basically from age 18-27/28 people are forming their adult identity and often time people who get married in their early 20s or late teens do not last. I believe people should wait till at least 30 to get married. I really do and think the likeihood of successful relationships increases with age and experiences.

 

I do believe people change change some behaviors but their core, what makes them them doesn't change. And if a partner in the beginning doesn't treat you well, to expect over time they will start to improve on that is highly unlikely. The pattern of what's acceptable is established early on and many people myself included keep thinking things will get better but they don't!

 

I know my reply doesn't fully answer your question but maybe gives you some food for thoughts?

[Vinsanity1307]

 

I couldnt agree more with this. My ex was pretty horrid to me for the first two years, but I stuck around. Then for the next 2.5 years she changed for the better temporarily. I saw very very small peaks of the old her but nothing really alarming compared to the begining. Then in the end the old her came back out when she "won" my trust back and the chase was over...

[MoooOinkBaaa]

I don't believe the length of a relationship should be a deciding factor on whether or not people do or don't change. I think if its not working anymore, or if someone is being mistreated then decide to leave (as I did with my 2nd ex) who I dated for almost 6 years.

 

I have seen friends of mine simply grow apart. In some cases, a person cheated, in others they met when they were too young and it couldn't last.

 

In psychology there is a term called emerging adulthood, basically from age 18-27/28 people are forming their adult identity and often time people who get married in their early 20s or late teens do not last. I believe people should wait till at least 30 to get married. I really do and think the likeihood of successful relationships increases with age and experiences.

 

I do believe people change change some behaviors but their core, what makes them them doesn't change. And if a partner in the beginning doesn't treat you well, to expect over time they will start to improve on that is highly unlikely. The pattern of what's acceptable is established early on and many people myself included keep thinking things will get better but they don't!

 

I know my reply doesn't fully answer your question but maybe gives you some food for thoughts?

 

That's my point though, if they don't treat you right in the beginning then fine dump them. But if they treat you good for six years but changed in the last year they can change back but they would of made mistakes not changed who they are, their core self.

 

This happened to me because I became depressed in the last year and it affected our relationship, I also had insecurities that put distance between us. Then she dumps me without asking me to change, or telling me I've changed. She lied and said that she changed. Which she hasn't.

 

But they say people don't change, but I changed once for the worst and I've changed again for the better.

 

Vinsanity1307 Sounds like a chameleon girlfriend, changes who she is to please you, this is why people should be themselves.

[Vinsanity1307]

She changed for the better when I realiazed how horrid she was and I grew a pair became more confident, not a doormat..But I was guarded...Insensitive at times...And said she had to earn my trust, and all that back... Took two years but i lowered the guard and forgave... So she "caught" me if you will... and coincidentally she gets her life together at this point and turns back to the old her, and leaves. (life was in shambles, for the two years where she was super "nice"

[MoooOinkBaaa]

That's L1ghts problem, having defensive's and guards up, not being your true self. You can't expect someone else to be their true self if you're not.

 

Maybe if you'd of let her catch you earlier like six months you'd of saved yourself time at least? Maybe she spent too long earning trust back and resentment built?

 

It's true though about her life, this is why we should seek happy stable people who know what they want in life. Once they get new friends and some independence they want a new relationship too, they have to upgrade everything into their new life, they don't want reminders of the old.

 

Find happy stable people.