hshae Posted December 7, 2013 Posted December 7, 2013 I am 13 weeks pregnant, the baby's father and I have been on and off two years next month. We have been trying to have a family the whole time. He always has told me he wants us to have a family with me and grow old with me and be with me forever. Well, ever since I got pregnant I have been soooo emotional crying about anything and everything. And when I was nine weeks I moved out of our home because he wanted me too and we couldn't stop fighting. Well we have been on and off since then. One day were together and the next day were not. He's always telling me I am crazy and I feel like he's been talking crap about me to everyone. Well a couple days ago I saw he had be talk to a women he has had sex with in the past and telling her he wants to see her calling her baby and everything. I confronted him about it he said he would stop and that he loved me and that I was the only woman he wanted to be with. Then the next night he got drunk at the bar while I was at a ladies church party and he wouldnt answet my phone calls or anything. I found him at the bar talking to my ex that I have a restraining order against because he used to beat the crap out of me. Well I got my phone from him and went to his house and a girl called me looking for me said she had met him at the bar this night and he didn't even tell her he had a girl.... so the next morning I told him about it and he said it didn't mean anything blah blah. Which was obviously a lie. Well so I've been really upset and hurt the past two days and he says I'm stupid for feeling this way and not trusting him so now I plan on transferring my job to two hours away and leaving here so I'm away from him and so I can protect myself from getting even more hurt and focusing on my baby. And he says I should still let him in the baby's life and give it his last name and everything but I feel like he gave up and he's even told me he regrets having a family with me so is it wrong that I feel the way I do?? I don't know what to do he has hurt me so bad and lied. I don't want him to hurt our baby or lie to our baby like that.... I need some outside advice please... I don't know what to do anymore I don't feel like I have enough strength to give him anymore chances if he asks... whi Christmas Idk if he will now seems like he's happy meeting other women..... :'( :'( :'(
letsplaygofish2 Posted December 7, 2013 Posted December 7, 2013 A friend of mine was in that situation, so I can't speak from personal experience. She tried to let him stay in the child's life, but the man was unprepared and irresponsible. He begged that he would get better, but still continued to repeatedly fail at being responsible or reliable. Today, she is a single mom and made the decision to exclude the father from their life. Sometimes, you have to do what's best for you and the father. It might seem a bit selfish, but in the end you have to protect yourself from any emotional rollercoasters. The guy sounds really immature and confused. I am sorry to hear about the situation, because you're also pregnant. It can't be easy. I hope that the other folks here on the board are also able to jump in and give some advice. I'm sorry hun
Author hshae Posted December 7, 2013 Author Posted December 7, 2013 Thank you. So it's not completely wrong to not have him in our baby's life when we've been planning thus baby for over a year? I just can't believe if has all come to this.. I don't want to keep my child from his or her father... but then again I don't want him to hurt our child like he did me..
letsplaygofish2 Posted December 7, 2013 Posted December 7, 2013 I think you're going to take everything at face value and try to see him for who is he right now. All of this talk about 'being a family' etc etc is what my friends call Time Traveling. Thinking about the conversations you've had in the past about the future is not going to get you anywhere. You need to focus on the right now and make sure that you accept him based on what he's telling you at this current moment. It might be hard because you're so emotional due to the pregnancy. But try to get some clarity.... One thing that I do is journal every day about how I'm feeling. I always like to read back and see what I'm saying. From there, it helps me make better decisions... Just see how it goes with him. But try not to have high expectations or think that he can one day be your husband. He went behind your back to talk to your ex and then dated someone else. WTF?! Honestly, why would you want a man like that in your life? That's not a man. That's a p*ssy. Sorry.. he just makes me angry!!!
Author hshae Posted December 7, 2013 Author Posted December 7, 2013 Yeah, your right. After he has done all that to me within three days. And he nine years older than me. He should be more ready than I am I would think.. I need to forget about "us being a family" just think about me and my baby. And know that I'll have my family one day... just not how I thought it would be. And I used to journal a lot. I need to start again. It used to help me so much. Thank you for taking your time out and replying to me. Just reading what you have said has helped me. I just didn't know if my family was saying those things just because they have never liked him..
letsplaygofish2 Posted December 7, 2013 Posted December 7, 2013 I'm sure your family wants the best for you, so they probably said those things. But they're also your sounding board too... whatever they said, know that it came from very good intentions Also, I'm happy to hear that you're in church. Keep going and try to build up your own community... it will be helpful to have that sort of support that is separate from your family. Good luck!
Haydn Posted December 7, 2013 Posted December 7, 2013 Hi, i am really sorry to hear you are going through all this. All i can say i was in in a situation, different from yours but my daughters mother was not nasty in anyway.. Parenthood is pretty life changing in more ways than one. But if he is emotionally abusive to you then you dont need him in your life. I am 13 weeks pregnant, the baby's father and I have been on and off two years next month. We have been trying to have a family the whole time. He always has told me he wants us to have a family with me and grow old with me and be with me forever. Well, ever since I got pregnant I have been soooo emotional crying about anything and everything. And when I was nine weeks I moved out of our home because he wanted me too and we couldn't stop fighting. Well we have been on and off since then. One day were together and the next day were not. He's always telling me I am crazy and I feel like he's been talking crap about me to everyone. Well a couple days ago I saw he had be talk to a women he has had sex with in the past and telling her he wants to see her calling her baby and everything. I confronted him about it he said he would stop and that he loved me and that I was the only woman he wanted to be with. Then the next night he got drunk at the bar while I was at a ladies church party and he wouldnt answet my phone calls or anything. I found him at the bar talking to my ex that I have a restraining order against because he used to beat the crap out of me. Well I got my phone from him and went to his house and a girl called me looking for me said she had met him at the bar this night and he didn't even tell her he had a girl.... so the next morning I told him about it and he said it didn't mean anything blah blah. Which was obviously a lie. Well so I've been really upset and hurt the past two days and he says I'm stupid for feeling this way and not trusting him so now I plan on transferring my job to two hours away and leaving here so I'm away from him and so I can protect myself from getting even more hurt and focusing on my baby. And he says I should still let him in the baby's life and give it his last name and everything but I feel like he gave up and he's even told me he regrets having a family with me so is it wrong that I feel the way I do?? I don't know what to do he has hurt me so bad and lied. I don't want him to hurt our baby or lie to our baby like that.... I need some outside advice please... I don't know what to do anymore I don't feel like I have enough strength to give him anymore chances if he asks... whi Christmas Idk if he will now seems like he's happy meeting other women..... :'( :'( :'(
Author hshae Posted December 7, 2013 Author Posted December 7, 2013 So is it wrong that I am moving two hours away and that I dont want him in our child's life unless he makes an effort? It's been three days and haven't hearn anything from him to see how me or the baby is doing... and iv been really upset and sick....
Author hshae Posted December 7, 2013 Author Posted December 7, 2013 And is it bad that I don't want him to be happy? I've tried for years done everything for him no matter what.... I'm miserable now and pregnant I don't think he even deserves to be happy..
letsplaygofish2 Posted December 7, 2013 Posted December 7, 2013 I think that's a normal reaction and response because he's hurting. But at this point, he will self-destruct because of the way he is behaving. Either he will catch some sort of STD or STI (mean, I know)... or something else. Just focus on yourself. The more you think about him, the more you are hurting yourself... Realistically, what help would it do if he DID hurt himself and isn't happy? It wouldn't benefit your life and it certainly wouldn't benefit your baby too.
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