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how to dumper feels about the resentment letter from dumpee

crazybestie101

By crazybestie101
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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crazybestie101 Established Member

crazybestie101

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How dumper feel about dumpees resentment letter ?

 

Except thinking it as foolish act of dumpee , I want to know how they exactly take it at first and after some time has gone. I am sure many dumpee have done this in midst of post bu pain. All dumpers out there , please share your experience and thoughts on it.

Zoe Lilith Established Member

Zoe Lilith

Posted
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I don't think they think about it much. They either ignore the message, or have a nice laugh about it..Imagine their ego boost. Then again, I am talking as a dampee..

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Simon Phoenix Established Member

Simon Phoenix

Posted
Posted

They don't think about it very much at all. They laugh, brush it off, and delete it/throw it away.

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elbe Established Member

elbe

Posted
Posted

Imagine someone asking you to do something you don't want to do.. such as go to a party. You tell them no, but they refuse that answer.. so you tell them no again and so on. They persist because they think they can convince you otherwise, and you persist because you do not want to go. The more you prod the more tension that builds...

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mtnbiker3000 Established Member

mtnbiker3000

Posted
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Just put yourself in their shoes. How would you feel about it in the reverse situation??

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crazybestie101 Established Member

crazybestie101

Posted
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Just put yourself in their shoes. How would you feel about it in the reverse situation??

 

 

I never been dumper but i would still be little thoughtful about it. Though i have lost feeling but there is reason why dumpee is trying so hard. I would try to understand and NOT joke about it because what goes around comes around.

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OnTheRightPath Member

OnTheRightPath

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Posted

I don't think anyone but the dumper can answer this question. You cannot lump all dumpers into the same category no matter how much everyone wants to believe you can.

 

There are entirely too many factors to cconsider as each break-up and couple have differnt personalites and circumstances.

 

The only thing that is sure is that......at least for now......you are no longer in a relationship with your other half. Some will reconcile and some will not........some will forgive and move on......some will hold a grudge forever.

 

I was the dumper and it still hurt me.......maybe just as much as my ex. Sometimes it just cannot work between two people. The reasons vary for every couple.

 

I'm not sure what I would do with a letter from my ex.......I know it wouldn't boost my ego or make me laugh. I will always care about my ex's feelings as they are every bit as valid as mine. I would provide more closure or answers if needed but that is not what was asked of me. I was asked for NC and I respected that. My ex wanted to move on and heal without any contact so that's what happened.

 

There is such a lack of respect in this world anymore that it's sad.

 

I always will believe that you should follow what your heart tells you to do. However, I would say that if you need to write a letter that you should wait until your heart is healed for much longer. Write it but don't send it......you may be surprised a few months down the road when you read it again. Just don't do anything like that too soon.

  • Like 7
Simon Phoenix Established Member

Simon Phoenix

Posted
Posted
I never been dumper but i would still be little thoughtful about it. Though i have lost feeling but there is reason why dumpee is trying so hard. I would try to understand and NOT joke about it because what goes around comes around.

 

No you wouldn't, not for a second.

  • Like 1
Never Again Established Member

Never Again

Posted
Posted

If a dumpee is overly emotional at all in a way that's directed at the dumper, the dumper will either feel uncomfortable, feel pity, or feel indifferent/validated.

 

None of these are good things or elicit a response that could be considered positive.

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ConfusedHumanBeing Established Member

ConfusedHumanBeing

Posted
Posted

What about a dumper sending a hateful message to the dumpee MUCH later after both have moved on?

Sugarkane Established Member

Sugarkane

Posted
Posted
What about a dumper sending a hateful message to the dumpee MUCH later after both have moved on?

 

I've had this happen to me. I found it confusing- he chose to end it because he "wanted to be single" in the first place. I think it hurt his huge ego that I never begged, pleaded or contacted ever. It further cemented what an Ahole he is to me. I was really pissed off and haven't forgotten about it. I thought it was extremely low of him to string me along and then gloat about his new life. I wished I NEVER answered!

Sugarkane Established Member

Sugarkane

Posted
Posted

I wouldn't laugh or be a complete Ahole if a dumpee sent me a letter. Especially as most people are complete cowards and end thngs without any resolution at all and only care about themselves. But then I've been the dumpee enough times to understand what it's like.

  • Like 2
BC1980 Established Member

BC1980

Posted
Posted

I'm sure all dumpers feel differently, but most probably feel sorry for you or think you are emotionally unstable to a degree. Even if it's normal and likely justified, emotional displays never look good on anyone. I remember my ex crying on the phone to me months after we broke up, and it honestly made me really uncomfortable. Even though I wanted him back and was still in love with him, I didn't like to hear him become emotionally unhinged like that.

 

If I sent him a "hate email," that would only show that I am incapable of controlling my impulses, and I'm sure he would see that as reinforcement for dumping me. He would probably feel sorry for me that I haven't been able to move on, so sending such an email accomplishes nothing for the dumper or dumpee.

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Sugarkane Established Member

Sugarkane

Posted
Posted

interestingly I've always gone NC and hid my emotions from the dumper. Also coming from an English "stiff upper lip" family background maybe influenced that. Never made any difference in the long run. [/b]

I'm sure all dumpers feel differently, but most probably feel sorry for you or think you are emotionally unstable to a degree. Even if it's normal and likely justified, emotional displays never look good on anyone. I remember my ex crying on the phone to me months after we broke up, and it honestly made me really uncomfortable. Even though I wanted him back and was still in love with him, I didn't like to hear him become emotionally unhinged like that.

 

If I sent him a "hate email," that would only show that I am incapable of controlling my impulses, and I'm sure he would see that as reinforcement for dumping me. He would probably feel sorry for me that I haven't been able to move on, so sending such an email accomplishes nothing for the dumper or dumpee.

Haydn Established Member

Haydn

Posted
Posted

yep, happened to me, dumped me then a short time after writes to tell me all the things i did wrong, how she wanted a ring in her finger a child etc....I never replied, she wrote again saying if i dont reply it must mean everything she said was true. This coming from a demented crazy insecure nagging money grabbing `problems galore` girl. Made me very rueful. But also happy that i was out of danger!

 

 

QUOTE=ConfusedHumanBeing;5387620]What about a dumper sending a hateful message to the dumpee MUCH later after both have moved on?

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crazybestie101 Established Member

crazybestie101

Posted
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Posted
I don't think anyone but the dumper can answer this question. You cannot lump all dumpers into the same category no matter how much everyone wants to believe you can.

 

There are entirely too many factors to cconsider as each break-up and couple have differnt personalites and circumstances.

 

The only thing that is sure is that......at least for now......you are no longer in a relationship with your other half. Some will reconcile and some will not........some will forgive and move on......some will hold a grudge forever.

 

I was the dumper and it still hurt me.......maybe just as much as my ex. Sometimes it just cannot work between two people. The reasons vary for every couple.

 

I'm not sure what I would do with a letter from my ex.......I know it wouldn't boost my ego or make me laugh. I will always care about my ex's feelings as they are every bit as valid as mine. I would provide more closure or answers if needed but that is not what was asked of me. I was asked for NC and I respected that. My ex wanted to move on and heal without any contact so that's what happened.

 

There is such a lack of respect in this world anymore that it's sad.

 

I always will believe that you should follow what your heart tells you to do. However, I would say that if you need to write a letter that you should wait until your heart is healed for much longer. Write it but don't send it......you may be surprised a few months down the road when you read it again. Just don't do anything like that too soon.

 

 

Thank you for bringing up such points. I don't know why people here put all ex's in one catagory. Not all ex will think dumpee as mentally unstable on their acts. Dumpee just wanted to gave it all , that's it. What if it was dumpee's first relation. People are not perfect when they get into their first relation , they learn from their experience. I am sure there are dumpers who wouldn't laugh or get ego boost when dumpee does such things rather would understand their action. May be help them give closure.

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