My girlfriend doesn't like my best friend!

[petr]

Hey guys, I live with my girlfriend, have been for a few months now. I had my best friend stay on the couch one night with her permission - as I hadnt seen him in months.

 

 

He's a very nice guy, but sadly he's gross: that night he used the cushions my girlfriend bought for our apartment, which I didn't expect! We could hear him farting from our bedroom too and next morning he had breakfast with us and I could see my girlfriend was disturbed by his table manners. Its something my entire group of friends would laugh about when we were in college, but after that stay she made me promise he'd never stay over again. I understood where she was coming from, she said she didn't want people crashing, as we aren't college students anymore and this is our home, etc. So I agreed.

 

However, my best friend lives in another city and I wanted to go out for drinks with him, and mentioned to my girlfriend that he might need a place to stay. She freaked out, shouted at me and said I ruined her night and that I have no considreration. She really doesn't want him over ever again. She had one of her friends stay recently who is very clean etc. I don't have much of a case really but I miss my friend, he's my college buddy. I hate to admit it but I don't really have many friends and I'm lonely.

[Woggle]

Never let somebody cut you off from your friends. He will probably be there long after she is.

[Thedafox]

It's also her household and you should respect her wishes.

 

I'd say tell your friend to mind his manners or he isn't welcomed here.

[pteromom]

I would tell her that you realize your friend isn't the most hygenic guy, but he's your friend. Come up with a solution that allows him to be over without getting his ickiness all over everything - buy him his own pillow; put a washable cover over the couch; etc.

 

If she still isn't open to negotiation, then you can go crash at his house.

 

It isn't fair that she would effectively not allow you to see your friend. So find a solution you are both ok about.

[StanMusial]

Provide him with a cork if he wants to stay over, to solve the flatulence problem. Also, make him eat in a different room.

[BlametheIrish]

You could tell your friend not to.be so gross if he would like tp stay over. Dont even mention your gf toold you that so it diesnt cause a rift between the two. I would just tell him tge bext time he us coming in to town " Hey man if you wanna stay the night you gotta respect our place, this isn't college anymore, I like to keep my stuff nice" Im aure people have called him gross before so its not like a blow to his self esteem.

 

Or if it we're one of my male friends )whom I've known for years) I'd say " Dude your pretty gross to live with even.for a day, clean up your **** or stay somewhere else"

Of couse Ive got friends with thick skin who.are just as blunt as me.

 

Ask yoyr gf to give him one more chanve to.be a respectful houseguest and if he screws it up then youll never ask again.

 

If he cant respect the home you so graciously offered him to.stay in then he can get a hotel when he comes into town.

 

My best friends house is the place everyone gets together. Often enough men and women bith crash there due to.having a lil too much to drink. Her and her husband dont mond as they would rather their friends be safe. Our crowd ranges in people in their early 20's to early 40's and we all make sure to clean up after ourselves because we respect the house and owners. The rare times I stay over I tip tie around in tge morning, clean up abd leave bwfore they wake up so I don't disturb their morning rituals

 

If your friend cant handle that tgen he doesnt deserve a place to stay.

[tlegend]

I don't have much of a case really but I miss my friend, he's my college buddy. I hate to admit it but I don't really have many friends and I'm lonely.

 

Your case is right there.

 

As she is your SO, and obviously you must take into account her feelings, I think COMPROMISING about this would be better. She shouldn't ever give you an ultimatum about having to choose your friendships. Granted, you may have to speak to your friend about his hygiene.....but that's part of the compromise.

[MrMeh]

I agree with Stan but I would prefer a glass jar to be used instead. In a serious note, tell him that your girlfriend is annoyed by his demeanor. Ask him to do you a favor and pretend to be clean for a few days.

[Balzac]

Send your GF to her mom's or a girl friend's or a hotel for the buddy time. She's being very demanding and I agree - shell be gone:buddy will be there for you.

[Mr. Nibbles]

You and your gf never fart in front of each other?

[Balzac]

This is a perfect example of why all men n need a club to hang out in / be with buddies and the place rents rooms. Ca it an athletic club or an alumni club .

 

It's surprising she drew a line in the sand instead of offering to find her own activity for a night/weekend.

[bubbaganoosh]

Your college days are over. Trouble is your friend still hasn't grown up and thinks it's cool to blow his hole on your couch and show no table manners. Time for you to tell him in a nice way that were now grown men and the days of "Pull my finger" are over and by acting in such a childish manner shows no respect to your girlfriend. She counts for something.

 

You can do this in a way that is not hurtful and I'm sure that with his college education, he'll understand.

[GravityMan]

I understand that you've known your best friend for years, and I do think your girlfriend is being a bit harsh and demanding here. Never let your girlfriend control your friendships.

 

With that said...your SO and her feelings should take priority (within reason) over your best friend. Sorry. That's how most adult relationships work. Especially since you and your girlfriend live together and, based on the way you worded your post, the house or lease or whatever is in her name (that's the impression I got) and she's paying for part or all of it. If she's uncomfortable with certain types of people in the house then you need to take her feelings into respectful consideration, and if necessary take appropriate action in an attempt to peacefully resolve the problem. Even if the person's a close friend that you've known for years or decades.

 

The ideal would be to come to some sort of compromise that's acceptable to all parties. Odds are your girlfriend will eventually break up with you while your friend will still remain your friend.

 

You need to gently but firmly tell your best friend that he needs to clean himself up and conduct himself cleanly (table manners, hygiene) when coming to the house. (To be honest, your friend really needs to grow up and mature, since he's apparently past college-age, but don't tell him that.) If he's unwilling to do that then don't allow him to stay at the house anymore. Perhaps assist him in arranging alternative lodging for him, and perhaps stay with him at that lodging if only for a day or two.

 

I'll be honest here though...I don't see this ending in a way where everybody's happy. If your friend's a slob at his age (I'm guessing 25+ years old) then it's unlikely he'll change his gross ways b/c he was probably like that ever since he was a kid. Mannerisms like that tend to be habitual and ingrained. He may temporarily attempt to clean up his act, sure...but it's not easy to permanently kill bad habits. Chances are good that something will have to give eventually.

 

This is why many people in serious LTRs and married people become pretty conscientious about which people they associate with and which existing friends to keep. They take their partner's feelings into account and don't want him/her to have any major likability issues with the person.