Don't want the meds, folks

[confusedandhurt2002]

About six or seven months ago I started seeing a counselor for anxiety issues. It turns out the anxiety was being caused by a hormonal imbalance (sometimes being a woman SUCKS!) and a thyroid issue. In the beginning the counselor wanted me on an anti-depressant to help me while I balanced my hormones. I was on Zoloft up to about a year ago. I took myself off of it because I lost my sex drive and because I kept having vivid, horrible dreams. Flash forward to Aug and I learn my husband had an affair. I, understandably, fall apart. My counselor again suggests med, on an temporary basis, but I ask if I can try some natural supplements that i know I can help. I'd also changed my diet completly due to the health issues and that effected my emotions. she agrees and last week she says she thinks I'm doing well and don't need them. I'd also had a miscarriage the week before last. Great.I'm feeling confident I can handle things with additional magnesium, etc. and getting my thyroid fixed and hormones adjusted.

 

I have a break down this week (My brother informed me I was bothering his wife with my problems, while I was bleeding from the early miscarriage) because of my family situation and stuff with the affair aftermath (the husband and I are working on things) and suddenly, today, she says it is time for me to be on something, on a temporary basis. Dammit. I worked hard to get off all the different meds because natural supplements have been helping immensely. Now this.

 

I understand she wants to help even my emotions, but my issue is that everything I am reading is telling me that after being betrayed a woman or man will have emotions that go up and down and all over the place for awhile. I'm being told, and was even told by her, that my reactions are normal and I'm OK. To me, depression that needs meds is when you won't get out of bed( I do), lose interest in your regular activities (I have a little bit, but not totally), don't want to leave the house (some days, but not usually...I still go to the store, take my son places and even go out with the WH). So....I don't want the meds. I dont' want the side effects and I am frustrated. I know, though, that ultimately this is my decision.

 

I just wonder..for those who were betrayed, or even the unfaithful, are you on meds and what are the side effects if you are? And how are your emotions...up and down? ALl over the place? Or pretty good?

[ChooseTruth]

About six or seven months ago I started seeing a counselor for anxiety issues. It turns out the anxiety was being caused by a hormonal imbalance (sometimes being a woman SUCKS!) and a thyroid issue. In the beginning the counselor wanted me on an anti-depressant to help me while I balanced my hormones. I was on Zoloft up to about a year ago. I took myself off of it because I lost my sex drive and because I kept having vivid, horrible dreams. Flash forward to Aug and I learn my husband had an affair. I, understandably, fall apart. My counselor again suggests med, on an temporary basis, but I ask if I can try some natural supplements that i know I can help. I'd also changed my diet completly due to the health issues and that effected my emotions. she agrees and last week she says she thinks I'm doing well and don't need them. I'd also had a miscarriage the week before last. Great.I'm feeling confident I can handle things with additional magnesium, etc. and getting my thyroid fixed and hormones adjusted.

 

I have a break down this week (My brother informed me I was bothering his wife with my problems, while I was bleeding from the early miscarriage) because of my family situation and stuff with the affair aftermath (the husband and I are working on things) and suddenly, today, she says it is time for me to be on something, on a temporary basis. Dammit. I worked hard to get off all the different meds because natural supplements have been helping immensely. Now this.

 

I understand she wants to help even my emotions, but my issue is that everything I am reading is telling me that after being betrayed a woman or man will have emotions that go up and down and all over the place for awhile. I'm being told, and was even told by her, that my reactions are normal and I'm OK. To me, depression that needs meds is when you won't get out of bed( I do), lose interest in your regular activities (I have a little bit, but not totally), don't want to leave the house (some days, but not usually...I still go to the store, take my son places and even go out with the WH). So....I don't want the meds. I dont' want the side effects and I am frustrated. I know, though, that ultimately this is my decision.

 

I just wonder..for those who were betrayed, or even the unfaithful, are you on meds and what are the side effects if you are? And how are your emotions...up and down? ALl over the place? Or pretty good?

 

I took off a week from work at two different points, but I never went on meds. I thought my craziness was pretty normal ^^ Just had to work through it.

[Fluttershy]

If you have good self control and no problems with being addicted to perscription drugs anti-anxiety meds work well. You take them on a need them basis when your nerves are on edge or you are heading to a situation you know is stressful. The danger with them is long term use or over usage. When I used on them I merely took them as needed and paid attention to how often I was by recording it in a "drug journal". I only ever took one a day at most and I could go days without any. Then, as I leveled out, I needed them less and less. I neer got dependant on them so in the end it was what worked for me. In my case I didn't need a daily help either.

[Spark1111]

Didn't want them so never took the IC up on ther offer.

 

But I DID start exercising like a maniac after work. It releases endorphins, gets you stronger and healthier, releases anxiety, and if I was really lucky, exhausted me to a decent, not great, nights sleep.

 

I had to force myself to go at first, and an IPOD loaded with good, uplifting music, helped me immensely to stay on task.

 

I also, in addition to bi-weekly IC which wound down quickly to weekly IC, called to close friends to vent and share with. One had survived an affair; the other an horrific divorce.

 

I almost lost the friendship with the divorcee. As my marriage started improving, the dynamics between us began to change...understandably so.

 

So yes, you can burn people out even though your roller coasting is normal for all you are going through.

[painfullyobvious]

I am not an M.D. so please take that with a grain of salt. You have situational depression resulting from a specific life event. A counselor or a mental health professional should know this and be careful about putting you on medication for depression. I work in the mental health field and have for many years. A good doctor and psychiatrist will have reservation about antidepressants shortly after traumatic events.

 

 

There are different levels of depression stemming from dysthymia, mild depression to major depression which is more like you described unable to get out of bed. Another problem is that anxiety and depression are often misdiagnosed together. Many people diagnosed depression are actually more anxiety related issues and vice versa.

 

 

Many times you have to try a couple of medications to get one that works for you. I have a suggestion and it is not a fun one. I notice that a lot of family members who have depression and anxiety and on medications that work, also work with their relatives as well. If in a round about way you can find relatives that are on medications and they work try those medications.

 

 

Your final question about emotions is tricky because during infidelity your emotions, feelings and mental health are all over the place even if you are not on medications. I exercised, ate right, went healthy like crazy after my experience with infidelity and I was still emotionally all over the place. Medications, especially antianxiety meds dampen emotions but really do nothing with addressing the underlying causes.

[whatatangledweb]

I took the natural herbs for quite a while. I have always have a problem with anxiety and insomnia so I finally got on meds. It has been a life saver for me. Both my meds are for depression but work for sleeping and the severe anxiety. I wasn't depressed to the point of staying in bed but I was not enjoying life. The side effects I have are I feel a little numb emotionally . I still enjoy sex and I feel pretty normal. If you want to try natural herbs instead, use St. John's Wort and Valerian Root.

[RightThere]

Family doctor gave me a prescription for meds to help with sleep, but also for depression. I found they helped me get to sleep, but not get good sleep.

 

I was on them for less than a week and decided to drop them because I felt stoned all the time and very dull. Although the roller coaster from the infidelity affected me, I felt like I needed the anxiety to not miss what was happening.

 

Actually stated doing yoga and exercising more. Helped me way more than any meds could.

[confusedandhurt2002]

Thank you for the responses! Some of your suggestions are things I've tried in the past and plan to try again now that you've reminded me about them. I want to respond to some individual comments here as well, after I go grab my hot cocoa on a cold winter night. :-)

[confusedandhurt2002]

Hmmmm...my brother is on Prozac, so I already know what might work best for me if I choose to go that route, I guess. Great suggestion for me on how to know what might work! My primary care doctor told me she felt my depression was situational and orginally she didn't want me on anything.

 

I do NOT feel I have major depression, because I do seem to be able to function. I pick my son up from school, have been trying to exercise (but blew it this week) and go to the store even when I don't feel like it.

 

I really appreciate you explaining the different types of depression. It helps me think more about what I am dealing with and is helping to calm me down a bit

 

I am not an M.D. so please take that with a grain of salt. You have situational depression resulting from a specific life event. A counselor or a mental health professional should know this and be careful about putting you on medication for depression. I work in the mental health field and have for many years. A good doctor and psychiatrist will have reservation about antidepressants shortly after traumatic events.

 

 

There are different levels of depression stemming from dysthymia, mild depression to major depression which is more like you described unable to get out of bed. Another problem is that anxiety and depression are often misdiagnosed together. Many people diagnosed depression are actually more anxiety related issues and vice versa.

 

 

Many times you have to try a couple of medications to get one that works for you. I have a suggestion and it is not a fun one. I notice that a lot of family members who have depression and anxiety and on medications that work, also work with their relatives as well. If in a round about way you can find relatives that are on medications and they work try those medications.

 

 

Your final question about emotions is tricky because during infidelity your emotions, feelings and mental health are all over the place even if you are not on medications. I exercised, ate right, went healthy like crazy after my experience with infidelity and I was still emotionally all over the place. Medications, especially antianxiety meds dampen emotions but really do nothing with addressing the underlying causes.

[confusedandhurt2002]

I had started yoga and it really did help me. As did exercise. I am goingto add that to my treatment plan this weekend and next week! I hope it helps me not to obsess so much over all of this.

Family doctor gave me a prescription for meds to help with sleep, but also for depression. I found they helped me get to sleep, but not get good sleep.

 

I was on them for less than a week and decided to drop them because I felt stoned all the time and very dull. Although the roller coaster from the infidelity affected me, I felt like I needed the anxiety to not miss what was happening.

 

Actually stated doing yoga and exercising more. Helped me way more than any meds could.

[Raena]

I was having anxiety attacks after DDay, which was only 6 weeks ago. I went to my doctor and asked for anti-depressants, mostly because my well meaning friends kept telling me it would help. He gave me Zoloft and Lorazapam

 

I took them one night, woke up puking my brains out the next day... so bad I had to call in sick to work. I stopped taking them that day.

 

Here's the thing... and I think someone else mentioned "situational depression" as well... you are going through what most women go through after being betrayed. Your emotions are a wreck. It's NORMAL.

 

I didn't take the meds, and although I'm sad sometimes, for the most part I'm feeling pretty good. But... the reason I'm feeling pretty good is because I cut out the person in my life who was making me feel that way. He's gone, the psycho he cheated on me with is also blocked and gone... and suddenly, I'm feeling like a new woman. Do I still feel sad? yes. Do I still feel angry? yes. I'm not having anxiety attacks though. I deal with it by writing on here, writing in my journal and talking to my friends. It helps to have moved on from him.

 

Maybe you need to do the same. Maybe being with him is just adding to your problems. It might be time to walk away, get some counseling, find your good friends you can trust and be done with it.

[rumbleseat]

While I can't claim to be a medical expert, I do have some experience with different meds used for anxiety/ depression...

 

It sounds like you may have an adjustment disorder (what I think used to be called a nervous breakdown). Some people can cope more readily than others, but we all have our breaking points, and it sounds like you have weathered one storm after another. It's no wonder you're in a bad place right now.

 

The good thing is that an adjustment disorder, by itself, is transient, and with proper cognitive behavioral therapy and maybe a short course of meds. To get you over the hump, it's quite treatable and doesn't usually last to long.

 

From experience (not mine, but someone I am very close to) , I'd be careful using the newer meds in the SNRI group, as they can have some pretty nasty side effects (tremors, loss of appetite, nightmares, insomnia, agitation, panic) Anti-anxiety meds may be helpful, but can be really addictive.

 

One of the most important things is to eat well and try to get enough sleep. Lack of sleep can make a person feel terrible.

 

If you'd like further details, feel free to pm me.

[confusedandhurt2002]

THank you! Speaking of sleep, I need to get some because I've had little lately -- not due to this but a kid who doesn't want t sleep in his own bed and a dog who whimpers because he's too old to get on the bed anymore.

 

I'd like to PM you tomorrow, actually, for some more information. This sounds like what I am facing.

 

While I can't claim to be a medical expert, I do have some experience with different meds used for anxiety/ depression...

 

It sounds like you may have an adjustment disorder (what I think used to be called a nervous breakdown). Some people can cope more readily than others, but we all have our breaking points, and it sounds like you have weathered one storm after another. It's no wonder you're in a bad place right now.

 

The good thing is that an adjustment disorder, by itself, is transient, and with proper cognitive behavioral therapy and maybe a short course of meds. To get you over the hump, it's quite treatable and doesn't usually last to long.

 

From experience (not mine, but someone I am very close to) , I'd be careful using the newer meds in the SNRI group, as they can have some pretty nasty side effects (tremors, loss of appetite, nightmares, insomnia, agitation, panic) Anti-anxiety meds may be helpful, but can be really addictive.

 

One of the most important things is to eat well and try to get enough sleep. Lack of sleep can make a person feel terrible.

 

If you'd like further details, feel free to pm me.

[confusedandhurt2002]

You may be right. Time will tell if that is my future. In my heart I don't feel I'm meant to walk away from him yet, but, if things get worse I will....mainly for the sake of our son.

 

I was having anxiety attacks after DDay, which was only 6 weeks ago. I went to my doctor and asked for anti-depressants, mostly because my well meaning friends kept telling me it would help. He gave me Zoloft and Lorazapam

 

I took them one night, woke up puking my brains out the next day... so bad I had to call in sick to work. I stopped taking them that day.

 

Here's the thing... and I think someone else mentioned "situational depression" as well... you are going through what most women go through after being betrayed. Your emotions are a wreck. It's NORMAL.

 

I didn't take the meds, and although I'm sad sometimes, for the most part I'm feeling pretty good. But... the reason I'm feeling pretty good is because I cut out the person in my life who was making me feel that way. He's gone, the psycho he cheated on me with is also blocked and gone... and suddenly, I'm feeling like a new woman. Do I still feel sad? yes. Do I still feel angry? yes. I'm not having anxiety attacks though. I deal with it by writing on here, writing in my journal and talking to my friends. It helps to have moved on from him.

 

Maybe you need to do the same. Maybe being with him is just adding to your problems. It might be time to walk away, get some counseling, find your good friends you can trust and be done with it.

[JourneyLady]

About six or seven months ago I started seeing a counselor for anxiety issues. It turns out the anxiety was being caused by a hormonal imbalance (sometimes being a woman SUCKS!) and a thyroid issue. In the beginning the counselor wanted me on an anti-depressant to help me while I balanced my hormones. I was on Zoloft up to about a year ago. I took myself off of it because I lost my sex drive and because I kept having vivid, horrible dreams. Flash forward to Aug and I learn my husband had an affair. I, understandably, fall apart. My counselor again suggests med, on an temporary basis, but I ask if I can try some natural supplements that i know I can help. I'd also changed my diet completly due to the health issues and that effected my emotions. she agrees and last week she says she thinks I'm doing well and don't need them. I'd also had a miscarriage the week before last. Great.I'm feeling confident I can handle things with additional magnesium, etc. and getting my thyroid fixed and hormones adjusted.

 

I have a break down this week (My brother informed me I was bothering his wife with my problems, while I was bleeding from the early miscarriage) because of my family situation and stuff with the affair aftermath (the husband and I are working on things) and suddenly, today, she says it is time for me to be on something, on a temporary basis. Dammit. I worked hard to get off all the different meds because natural supplements have been helping immensely. Now this.

 

I understand she wants to help even my emotions, but my issue is that everything I am reading is telling me that after being betrayed a woman or man will have emotions that go up and down and all over the place for awhile. I'm being told, and was even told by her, that my reactions are normal and I'm OK. To me, depression that needs meds is when you won't get out of bed( I do), lose interest in your regular activities (I have a little bit, but not totally), don't want to leave the house (some days, but not usually...I still go to the store, take my son places and even go out with the WH). So....I don't want the meds. I dont' want the side effects and I am frustrated. I know, though, that ultimately this is my decision.

 

I just wonder..for those who were betrayed, or even the unfaithful, are you on meds and what are the side effects if you are? And how are your emotions...up and down? ALl over the place? Or pretty good?

 

Oh how timely your post! Yes, they are. I was betrayed by a husband of three decades (although I did some pretty bad things too) and was thrown under the bus. Then I spent five years with an abusive ex-bf who I invested too much in moneywise (on both him and his kids). I also got burglarized, and then forced to stay in that house alone and cold while cleaning up the mess and preparing to move. Move into the place I bought and found out there were major problems ex-bf failed to mention before moving out... So yeah, my doctor and I pretty much agree I have some PTSD. We also agree I want to stay off the meds.

 

Yes on the emotions going up and down. One reason I come on here, is to mingle with people, talk about relationships and it helps me process the whole series of things. On FB, however I have trouble and it can trigger extreme emotions. One day I mentioned a decision I made and someone nixed it (not that they had any business doing so) due to social concerns reasons. It was a financial decision and I felt so put down I cried several hours and ended up putting the person on my "restricted" list so they can't see any of my posts that aren't public.

 

And sometimes, I just feel like I want to scream out or cry for hours. I've always had a problem with depression, but the PTSD makes it much harder. I'm also facing the big MP right now which adds even more.

 

I could have written your post myself for that matter, and wrote something similar in my blog (on another site). What I choose to do, daily, depends on my mood and the weather. I have some things that I love doing so much that I turn to those the minute I find myself floundering > computer art and photo manipulation is one of those things. Candy crush is another - well... I HATE the game, but I'm addicted to it to. It does make it easier to drive the depressive thoughts away until I can find another solution. Lots of light; as much as you can get without freezing.

 

If the weather's good, I run with my dog a little. I'd make a list of those things that make you happy NO MATTER WHAT and see if doing more of them helps. I can understand the breakdown: when your family tells you that you are causing problems and making you feel they don't care or are rejecting you, it burns. I'm feeling rejected by members of my family as well in some ways.

 

So the symptoms... Sudden crying for no apparent reason. For a while I would suddenly feel like gasping for air, in addition to crying - but that has gotten better now that the house problems have been fixed. Crying at night. Talking to my ex before sleeping as if he was still there. Sensitivity to the unseen: my deceased sister has been communicating with me in various ways. Aches and pains. Lots of dreams - some of them still arguing with ex-husband, even though the divorce was six years ago, and his remarriage five years ago.

 

Sudden anger - I'll punch the mattress sometimes. Laughing and crying at the same time. Laughing because I know it will pass and there is still joy to be had, but crying because it hurts all the same -- I guess. Sudden ambitiousness and rearranging. Taking on too much at once. Today I put up the tree and it's half done: but the living room is a mess with all the boxes and stuff. I will face that tomorrow...

 

Writing >usually< uses the more logical side of my brain and I stay calmer when writing things out too.

 

I would choose not to take the meds. I'll do anything not to have to. If that means going off into the woods with my laptop and writing for days, I'll do it. Doctors want what they think is best, but of course they don't have to live with the consequences. And sometimes the consequences can be very bad... In my case, when I was on that stuff I gained twice as much weight as I normally would have. I don't think I was any more productive either.

 

I wish you luck and understand the difficult decision.

[BetrayedH]

I don't have the study handy but I can tell you that a recent good one was published that essentially said thay seratonin inhibitors are bunk. Their success matches the placebo effect. Many doctors know this but prescribe them anyway because if you believe it'll work, you'll perceive it as working.

 

The placebo effect isn't worth the side effects. My &.02 - stay off of them.

[confusedandhurt2002]

I agree but I'm tired of the doctors saying to me "where do you get your information?" and expecting me to back up my information, but they don't have to.

I don't have the study handy but I can tell you that a recent good one was published that essentially said thay seratonin inhibitors are bunk. Their success matches the placebo effect. Many doctors know this but prescribe them anyway because if you believe it'll work, you'll perceive it as working.

 

The placebo effect isn't worth the side effects. My &.02 - stay off of them.

[BetrayedH]

I agree but I'm tired of the doctors saying to me "where do you get your information?" and expecting me to back up my information, but they don't have to.

 

Google it and do some reading on your own. Here's a quick link about it...

 

Placebo Response Persists in Depression | World of Psychology

[lilmisscantbewrong]

I think it really depends on the individual. I was on celexa for awhile, and I needed it. It evened me out, especially during the early months. Helped me to function, but after a period to time I went off of them because I felt nothing - I mean nothing - and I just was at the point where I needed to actually walk through it. My husband was on Xanax for awhile. It helped him function during the day without panic attacks which he was having and not good for his profession.

 

Also you must take into consideration the season - the winter time is always a difficult time for many people. As the weather gets better and the days get longer and there is more sunlight generally dispositions get better. So, I know my husband always recommends if people are considering going off their Meds to wait and do it in the spring time, not in the winter.

 

Anyway - just my .02 cents worth and my experience.

[compulsivedancer]

I don't have the study handy but I can tell you that a recent good one was published that essentially said thay seratonin inhibitors are bunk. Their success matches the placebo effect. Many doctors know this but prescribe them anyway because if you believe it'll work, you'll perceive it as working.

 

The placebo effect isn't worth the side effects. My &.02 - stay off of them.

 

Is it possible to just ask them to prescribe a placebo, or would that nullify the effect?