Tashi Posted January 1, 2005 Posted January 1, 2005 hi i would appreciate advice on what to do dave and i met at university and dated throughout being there - about 2 and a half years. When we first met we got on so amazingly, there has not been anyone else i click so well with. After a week i felt like i had known him my whole life. There were moments when i had my doubts about him - i ended it briefly, because i just wasn't feeling that attracted to him any more and wanted to see new people, but we got back together and i realised how much i loved him and how great he was. We were best friends the whole time we were going out, and practically lived together at university. Shortly after he broke up with me. For the last year of our relationship we were off and on, and he cheated on me a few times. I forgave him. It got very messy by the time we broke up this summer (i was a total mess and he ended it). This year we unexpectedly ended up in the same town. after we split we promised to stay good friends, because we were each others closest friend for so long. Unfortunately not that easy. We have all the same friends and saw each other all the time. When we saw each other again we ended up sleeping together a number of times while both of us said that we didn't want to get back together but it was fun and the sex was always great. secretly i wasn't sure how i felt - i knew i was getting over him, had a thing for another guy, and knew that sleeping together wasn't a good idea. Sure enough my feelings came flooding back and i wanted to be with him again. but he hadn't changed his mind and said he didn't want to be with me still. A week and a half after we had last been intimate he started seeing this new girl - only she's not that new - a girl who he cheated on me with when we were going out, who i hate, who has had a big crush on him. he didn't tell me initially and generally lied his ass off, because he was afraid to tell me i think. i was very very angry and upset and said so. we argued profusely and didn't speak for 2-3weeks. i felt like i hated him. then we both made the effort to get in touch and try to be just friends because i was so important to both of us. things were going ok - i was having probs dealing with his new girlfriend, who i really really hate and don't think is good enough for him, but apart from that we were getting along well. we were honest with each other about how we felt. then.....last night, new years eve, he unexpectedly turned up at a party i was going to (he knew i was going, and it was a mutual friends party). I hadn't seen him for a few weeks. We got along really well. We talked a lot and had fun and laughed. i thought this is so great what can be wrong about this. i forgot he had a girlfriend who wasn't me! he told me he thought i was the only person who truly knew him with all his faults. he said he missed me, he still loved me, he'd been thinking about calling over xmas. we were both drunk and we just got closer and closer, holding hands and eventually kissing etc. the only reason we didn't have sex is because i refused him a number of times, although we slept in the same bed. he got texts from his girlfriend while this was going on. It is electric between us and i can't stop myself. it is easy to be rational when he is not there, and think that he probably is a bit of an w****r but when i see him my knees still turn to jelly, i can't keep my eyes off him and we get on like a house on fire. i am still so in love with him and i don't think it will go away. The thought that we might get back together entered my head last night, although it had never occurred to me that anything woulg happen between us prior to this (he told me he had considered the possibility). But this morning he said he wanted to make it work with his girlfriend, that he loved me but i was his past. he doesn't want to tell her he cheated on her. he got upset when i said i thought she should know, and said she wouldn't forgive him. i don't want him to be upset, but i secretly want her to find out and dump him. or i want him to change his mind and decide he wants me. i don't understand why he doesn't want me when he admits he feels everything i do. i think he compulsively cheats on people but it wasn't just that last night. He asked me not to tell anyone about what went on last night, but i told my best friend anyway. I feel sorry for his girlfriend and i can see she is an innocent but i HATE her guts. its silly but i feel like we are destined to be together, that we are meant for each other. i can see all his faults, believe me i don't think he is perfect, but neither am I. Surely it can't be right with his new girlfriend if he wants to sleep with me and is eager to do so. I know his girlfriend and have a lot of friends who are also her friends. What should I do? What should I feel?
smile Posted January 1, 2005 Posted January 1, 2005 Wait. You are basing his emotional desire to be with you on the fact that he cheated on his gf with you? Didnt you say he cheated with others when he was with you? Didnt you say he was a compulsive cheater? I am not sure at this point that he belongs with anyone. I had a bf like that once. The passion and chemisty was incredible... and yeh when we broke up he cheated on his gf with me.. but that didnt mean he wanted me. We were best buds and hung out .. I thought that was enough, its not. You just may be a great gal that is easy to open up to.. that passion combined with that easy feeling makes it easier for him to be with you... but he doesnt want to be with you. He has a gf. Youre right she is innocent. Think about how hurt you were when he cheated on you. How you would feel if he left you for one of those girls. Yes you have history, but right now you are the girl he cheated on his gf with. I know how you are feeling.You desperately want him back.. but if he does want you back he is going about it all wrong. If he wants you make him leave her first. You deserve more than to just be the other woman. The sex is great I am sure... I know that too and its tough to walk away from that. But you deserve someone who is going to be honest and mature.. he cheated with you and won't tell her because he doesnt want to lose her. Darling, take care of yourself ok. Dont allow yourself to be the other woman.
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 1, 2005 Posted January 1, 2005 Originally posted by Tashi What should I do? He willingly and knowingly chose not to be your boyfriend. He willingly and knowingly chose someone else to be his girlfriend. He may sleep with you, but that has no further meaning than the fact that you are fun and are probably great in bed and you don't say no. I expect you didn't exactly discourage him from cheating either - in fact, given how much you hate his girlfriend I wonder how much of it you initiated. No matter who initiated it, you let it happen and are now considering using that as a way to force problems into his relationship with his girlfriend. If you do that, you won't replace his girlfriend. You'll find that she is not likely to believe you and is going to assume that it was all your fault, and he will undoubtedly not discourage that idea. You want to know how close he is to you? Go ahead and try to destroy the relationship he has with this girl and see how good of friends you'll be then. Break this unhealthy cycle you have with him by making yourself unavailable to him. You have to let him go. It may be awesome from your perspective to be with him, but when you strip it of the glow of emotion - what you are in this guy's book is a 'casual sex girl': one that he knows he can sleep with with a minimum of fuss or complications. As soon as you complicate things or cause him problems - he'll drop you. What should I feel? Used. It is really hard to see past the bright light of your own hope and love for this guy, but if you were to look at it objectively, you'd see it for exactly what it is.
imokurnot Posted January 2, 2005 Posted January 2, 2005 haha didn't talk to me for 2 weeks. I left him a voicemail telling him everything. Even that she called me when at his house to say goodnight and acted like I was her friend. RRight in front of him. I told him things that would make your head spin. She will only peck me now until I earn her trust again. LOL So I am going to use her and her me I guess. That's ok with me. She is strting to see she messed up and I won't do this too long or ill find someone else. If she changes her mind I mauy give her a shot at the title. But if you like the sex don't tell. LOL
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