mtnbiker3000 Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 I was watching a football game last week and the camera switched to a soldier proposing to his girlfriend at the game. It made me think about when I proposed to the love of my life. I couldn't help but notice how different the reaction was from the girl on TV. The look on her face. How her jaw dropped. How wide her eyes were and how she threw her hands over her mouth in disbelief. Then immediately hugged him so tight. Lets just say that my ex did not react in a similar fashion. Come to think of it she really didn't even say 'yes'. The only emotion she showed was embarrassment in front of the pilot of the private plane I hired. Almost kind of pissed off? WTF? She didn't rush to call her friends or family. She really didn't seem to think too much of it. I guess we were engaged though, because she wore the ring for the next 18 months. In fact, she insisted on keeping it when we split almost a year ago. I let her keep it. I guess I couldn't see it. Didn't want to see it. Or just didn't care. There were many, many other red flags that indicated how little she cared. How little I meant to her. Her increasing contempt for me. Looking back I feel like such a tool. So foolish. So naive. So weak. Why did I continue to invest in this person? Well, look how great that all worked out for me 4
Haydn Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 You invested time and money for a private plane because you cared mate. Nothing to be ashamed or beat yourself up. Most of us here have been battered in some form or another. Not naive just a bloody nice guy! Her loss not yours and dont stop being a nice guy either. I never proposed but if i did i am sure i would have got the same reaction! Hang in there friend. I was watching a football game last week and the camera switched to a soldier proposing to his girlfriend at the game. It made me think about when I proposed to the love of my life. I couldn't help but notice how different the reaction was from the girl on TV. The look on her face. How her jaw dropped. How wide her eyes were and how she threw her hands over her mouth in disbelief. Then immediately hugged him so tight. Lets just say that my ex did not react in a similar fashion. Come to think of it she really didn't even say 'yes'. The only emotion she showed was embarrassment in front of the pilot of the private plane I hired. Almost kind of pissed off? WTF? She didn't rush to call her friends or family. She really didn't seem to think too much of it. I guess we were engaged though, because she wore the ring for the next 18 months. In fact, she insisted on keeping it when we split almost a year ago. I let her keep it. I guess I couldn't see it. Didn't want to see it. Or just didn't care. There were many, many other red flags that indicated how little she cared. How little I meant to her. Her increasing contempt for me. Looking back I feel like such a tool. So foolish. So naive. So weak. Why did I continue to invest in this person? Well, look how great that all worked out for me 6
mirage12 Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 I saw so so many red flags with my ex too...they even angered/annoyed me as I was seeing them. Now, I realize how terrible they were...but even still, I'm so blinded and hurting from our split that I continue to delude myself into ignoring them 3
LostConfused123 Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 Hi, Yout seem like such a genuine and nice person. You are going to make some lucky woman SOOOOOOO happy one day!!! I'm sorry you feel so crappy! I often have the same thoughts you do, the "How in the hell did I get here?" So different than where I was just months ago. Stay strong my friend! -peace and hugs!! By the way (just my opinion) I think it shows incredibly poor taste that she kept the ring!!! I'm not trying to bad mount her but SERIOUSLY!! I mean, come on. She rips your heart out and takes the ring! Classless! You deserve so much better and can't wait until you get it. When I read that my jaw literally dropped. Speaks volumes about not only her character but yours too. You are magnanimous! 5
JDPT Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 Mtn- we are wallowing again. I can certainly relate. At times I still want answers and it's roughly 7 months post BU. I'm not certain how long I'll be strapped to this emotional roller coaster but I'm just about having enough of it. I hurt my knee a few days putting me out of commission for a while, perhaps that exacerbated my emotional sate. Try to reroute your thoughts to now live in the present and let's not wish for a better of different past. They are long go, we need to take charge once again and pave our own way. 3
Author mtnbiker3000 Posted December 6, 2013 Author Posted December 6, 2013 By the way (just my opinion) I think it shows incredibly poor taste that she kept the ring!!! I'm not trying to bad mount her but SERIOUSLY!! I mean, come on. She rips your heart out and takes the ring! Classless! You deserve so much better and can't wait until you get it. When I read that my jaw literally dropped. Speaks volumes about not only her character but yours too. You are magnanimous! I never thought of it like that. But you're f**king right. What a b1tch!! More anger to throw on the pile!! Mtn- we are wallowing again. I can certainly relate. At times I still want answers and it's roughly 7 months post BU. I'm not certain how long I'll be strapped to this emotional roller coaster but I'm just about having enough of it. I hurt my knee a few days putting me out of commission for a while, perhaps that exacerbated my emotional sate. Try to reroute your thoughts to now live in the present and let's not wish for a better of different past. They are long go, we need to take charge once again and pave our own way. This week has been 2 very high peaks and 2 very low valleys. Man what a roller-coaster this week has been. I want to get off!! I agree. I'm about done with it. Tired of giving this so much energy. So not worth it!! I really want to forgive and release this. I no longer want the anger and bitterness. That's not who I am. She created that and I don't want it...
JDPT Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 I never thought of it like that. But you're f**king right. What a b1tch!! More anger to throw on the pile!! This week has been 2 very high peaks and 2 very low valleys. Man what a roller-coaster this week has been. I want to get off!! I agree. I'm about done with it. Tired of giving this so much energy. So not worth it!! I really want to forgive and release this. I no longer want the anger and bitterness. That's not who I am. She created that and I don't want it... Once again I can totally relate. Anger and bitterness and what I'm currently made out of. And as you stated, that's not me, never was. This BU has drained the life out of me, literally. However, believe it or not lately I've been giving the idea of opening myself up again to potential opportunities and not shut them down on sight. I kept telling myself "I just want to be single for a long time, fawk it all." Looking back, I think this was a pretty irrational statement uttered out of once again: anger and bitterness. I'm not codependent, never was but I think having someone in my life will take me to the next level in my recovery process, whether right or wrong, it's something I've been contemplating. It has been rough for me too man, just when you are doing somewhat ok, it drags you right down. Keep your chin and and let's ride through these rough times as we have in the past. 1
LostConfused123 Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 I never thought of it like that. But you're f**king right. What a b1tch!! More anger to throw on the pile!! This week has been 2 very high peaks and 2 very low valleys. Man what a roller-coaster this week has been. I want to get off!! I agree. I'm about done with it. Tired of giving this so much energy. So not worth it!! I really want to forgive and release this. I no longer want the anger and bitterness. That's not who I am. She created that and I don't want it... Maybe it's the holidays because I swear to God, I feel like day 1. One moment I'm like. . . I'm done feeling crappy, I'm moving on, feeling (okayish) . . . Then the next moment I'm pissed then the next moment sad. . . Ugh!!! My thoughts are with you and definitely wishing you a sense of peace. . . whatever the hell that is. . . I don't remember. just kidding wishing that for us all! 2
Author mtnbiker3000 Posted December 6, 2013 Author Posted December 6, 2013 I'm not codependent, never was but I think having someone in my life will take me to the next level in my recovery process, whether right or wrong, it's something I've been contemplating. Examine this closely!! This statement alone indicates a certain level of co-dependency. I didn't know I was until I dug deep and really scrutinized behaviors and patterns... Nothing to be ashamed of. Just something to be aware of and work on
loversquarrel Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 That sucks to hear. I have been thinking about my ex alot lately, has to be the time of year. I feel your pain...the love of your life treating you like that hurts. The love of my life lied to my family and I about having cancer...I eventually had to be the one to break up with her. Just leaves such an empty feeling, I wonder if being unable to really have closure causes us so much more pain...never any relief.
crimsoncurrent Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 There were many, many other red flags that indicated how little she cared. How little I meant to her. Her increasing contempt for me. Looking back I feel like such a tool. So foolish. So naive. So weak. Why did I continue to invest in this person? Well, look how great that all worked out for me Man, just reading that, I can completely relate. In my situation, because of inappropriate online chats, my ex broke it off with me. But, 10 months later, because I maintained NC so strictly, I found out that she had been dating someone else just two weeks after we broke up, moved in with the guy four months later, and is still with him. So, even though I did something that validated the trust of the relationship, she used it as a convenient excuse to get out of our relationship because she was interested in someone else. Like you, I didn't see the red flags at the time, thinking everything was fine, but looking back, I now can remember some of the her disinterest in the relationship before it ended. Again, like you, I feel like a fool, but without her wanting to make it seem like everything was my fault, I wouldn't have made the changes I did, just a learning a experience, I guess.
Author mtnbiker3000 Posted December 6, 2013 Author Posted December 6, 2013 Man, just reading that, I can completely relate. In my situation, because of inappropriate online chats, my ex broke it off with me. But, 10 months later, because I maintained NC so strictly, I found out that she had been dating someone else just two weeks after we broke up, moved in with the guy four months later, and is still with him. So, even though I did something that validated the trust of the relationship, she used it as a convenient excuse to get out of our relationship because she was interested in someone else. Like you, I didn't see the red flags at the time, thinking everything was fine, but looking back, I now can remember some of the her disinterest in the relationship before it ended. Again, like you, I feel like a fool, but without her wanting to make it seem like everything was my fault, I wouldn't have made the changes I did, just a learning a experience, I guess. Yup. It's a real kick in the teeth. I don't want to be angry and bitter anymore, but I am.
Author mtnbiker3000 Posted December 6, 2013 Author Posted December 6, 2013 By the way (just my opinion) I think it shows incredibly poor taste that she kept the ring!!! I'm not trying to bad mount her but SERIOUSLY!! I mean, come on. She rips your heart out and takes the ring! Classless! Grrrrrrr. This has been bothering me all day now (not upset at you for bringing it up, though ). Now, I really want that ring back. Not because I want it, but because I don't want her to have it. At first, it didn't bother me too much that she wanted it (maybe as a memento or something), but then I found out, accidentally, that she was with someone new pretty quickly after me (maybe even during - who knows?). This is gnawing at me good. What nerve? She must have zero respect for me. Even less than I previously thought. I feel my blood pressure rising as I type. What a b1tch. Damn it. Damn her!!!!! 1
JDPT Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 It's perfectly fine to be angry specially in your situation. However, remember not to act out in those same emotions that you will later regret. 1
Author mtnbiker3000 Posted December 6, 2013 Author Posted December 6, 2013 It's perfectly fine to be angry specially in your situation. However, remember not to act out in those same emotions that you will later regret. The only thing I regret now is giving in when she started crying after I asked for that ring back at the very end. Should have stuck to my guns, but instead, said 'just keep it' because, as usual, I felt bad for her and ignored my own feelings to placate hers...
JDPT Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 (edited) The only thing I regret now is giving in when she started crying after I asked for that ring back at the very end. Should have stuck to my guns, but instead, said 'just keep it' because, as usual, I felt bad for her and ignored my own feelings to placate hers... So interesting you mention this. Lately I've been running this scenario, and perhaps it's just my wishful thinking of her contacting me to talk. I would completely ignore that hypothetical request. And not because I'm still pissed at her bit more along that lines of me holding myself at higher regards. I wouldn't view it as "aha payback!" But more of "I'm worth something and hold a tremendous amount of value and bottom line, I'm just no ones puppet." I recall the first time she dumped me and when she wanted to reconcile I literally jumped when she called, hey live and learn. Remember it's all about us now, there is no more "team". What and how they feel because automatically irrelevant the second they decided it was over. Edited December 7, 2013 by JDPT 1
Author mtnbiker3000 Posted December 7, 2013 Author Posted December 7, 2013 Yeah, now she can F.O.A.D. But then, I was very concerned with her thoughts and feelings. Her crying made me feel incredibly bad and I would do anything to make her feel better. I used to think that made me a caring, thoughtful boyfriend. Now I realize that just made me a complete wuss!!
BC1980 Posted December 7, 2013 Posted December 7, 2013 My anger phase lasted 2 weeks. I would walk around just p*ssed off all day. People at work asked what was wrong with me. I have just found emotional peace in the past few weeks. I'm still sad, but it feels like I may have stepped off the roller coaster. Anytime I think of my ex, I feel disgust. He honestly makes me sick, and I feel that I don't even know him. I have to quickly reroute my thoughts because it's a slippery slope. I'm still taken aback by the outright deceit of the past 3 years and how cold he acted afterwards. I gave so much to this man. I stood by him through several life changing decisions, and I get thrown out on the curb like trash. I know it's not productive to even go down this road, but I understand both of you completely. I just keep my mind on anything else, and it's become a habit lately. Thinking of anything else is more productive than thinking of the ex in any capacity. 1
JDPT Posted December 7, 2013 Posted December 7, 2013 Yeah, now she can F.O.A.D. But then, I was very concerned with her thoughts and feelings. Her crying made me feel incredibly bad and I would do anything to make her feel better. I used to think that made me a caring, thoughtful boyfriend. Now I realize that just made me a complete wuss!! No, that just makes you a genuwenly good hearted person. However, situations like this thoughen us up, which I personally think it's for the best. I view women now and I think more with my brain as opposed to with me heart. I wouldn't like to think I'm jaded but certainly more vigilant. 1
BC1980 Posted December 7, 2013 Posted December 7, 2013 Yeah, now she can F.O.A.D. But then, I was very concerned with her thoughts and feelings. Her crying made me feel incredibly bad and I would do anything to make her feel better. I used to think that made me a caring, thoughtful boyfriend. Now I realize that just made me a complete wuss!! I think your reaction makes you normal. It's easy to look back and wish I had never cried in front of my ex or showed any emotion. The reality is that I reacted in a very normal way. I get home after working a 12 hour day, and I'm told that my life is very different than what I had previously thought. How am I supposed to react? How could I have unemotionally packed my belongings and walked out without a tear shed or any questions asked. How is that even realistic to expect of any person? 1
LostConfused123 Posted December 7, 2013 Posted December 7, 2013 Grrrrrrr. This has been bothering me all day now (not upset at you for bringing it up, though ). Now, I really want that ring back. Not because I want it, but because I don't want her to have it. At first, it didn't bother me too much that she wanted it (maybe as a memento or something), but then I found out, accidentally, that she was with someone new pretty quickly after me (maybe even during - who knows?). This is gnawing at me good. What nerve? She must have zero respect for me. Even less than I previously thought. I feel my blood pressure rising as I type. What a b1tch. Damn it. Damn her!!!!! This may be in really poor taste on my part but if it makes you smile, it's worth an ass chewing. It honestly reminded me of a serial killer taking a "trophy" I must say though, I think it's a good sign that you're so pissed. I haven't gotten to the anger stage yet but apparently it's a huge step in our recovery. Or so I'm told. Still all the stages are so fricken exhausting!!! Peace and hugs my friend!!! 1
HorseLuck Posted December 7, 2013 Posted December 7, 2013 I was watching a football game last week and the camera switched to a soldier proposing to his girlfriend at the game. It made me think about when I proposed to the love of my life. I couldn't help but notice how different the reaction was from the girl on TV. The look on her face. How her jaw dropped. How wide her eyes were and how she threw her hands over her mouth in disbelief. Then immediately hugged him so tight. Lets just say that my ex did not react in a similar fashion. Come to think of it she really didn't even say 'yes'. The only emotion she showed was embarrassment in front of the pilot of the private plane I hired. Almost kind of pissed off? WTF? She didn't rush to call her friends or family. She really didn't seem to think too much of it. I guess we were engaged though, because she wore the ring for the next 18 months. In fact, she insisted on keeping it when we split almost a year ago. I let her keep it. I guess I couldn't see it. Didn't want to see it. Or just didn't care. There were many, many other red flags that indicated how little she cared. How little I meant to her. Her increasing contempt for me. Looking back I feel like such a tool. So foolish. So naive. So weak. Why did I continue to invest in this person? Well, look how great that all worked out for me I've always observed those public proposals and shortly after contemplate how I might respond if it were to happen to me. Definitely not well..or what I might think a man would approve of/expects. My physical response would entail a lot of blushing, and my facial expression might be misrepresented as irritation. I don't even know if I would be able to answer the question. I'd be a rabbit ready to dart out of there.. whoosh. Just thinking about it puts me into a frenzy and my cheeks light up. Not the point of this topic but just wanted to share. As you said, you mentioned many red flags. I now wonder why she kept the ring..the least she could have done was give it back to you.. I don't want to believe some people are really that selfish.
happydate Posted December 7, 2013 Posted December 7, 2013 I was watching a football game last week and the camera switched to a soldier proposing to his girlfriend at the game. It made me think about when I proposed to the love of my life. I couldn't help but notice how different the reaction was from the girl on TV. The look on her face. How her jaw dropped. How wide her eyes were and how she threw her hands over her mouth in disbelief. Then immediately hugged him so tight. Lets just say that my ex did not react in a similar fashion. Come to think of it she really didn't even say 'yes'. The only emotion she showed was embarrassment in front of the pilot of the private plane I hired. Almost kind of pissed off? WTF? She didn't rush to call her friends or family. She really didn't seem to think too much of it. I guess we were engaged though, because she wore the ring for the next 18 months. In fact, she insisted on keeping it when we split almost a year ago. I let her keep it. I guess I couldn't see it. Didn't want to see it. Or just didn't care. There were many, many other red flags that indicated how little she cared. How little I meant to her. Her increasing contempt for me. Looking back I feel like such a tool. So foolish. So naive. So weak. Why did I continue to invest in this person? Well, look how great that all worked out for me Anything broadcasted on National Television is, ahem, "STAGED". I work in the media industry and we only care about ratings and sponsors that pay big bucks for the dramatics. Ad revenue are falling my friend, so they'll do anything to get dramatics. Well at least it got you. If you put somebody in that kind of spotlight on national television, of course you will behave nice as you would be nice. It's a great way to put your otherwise unhappy GF happy. No one wants to look bad on TV. Do you really know what really happened to that soldier and his girlfriend afterwards. Maybe, it isn't as rosy as you believe. Maybe it's just a fairytale proposal. You don't know that and you may never know. The reason why you got duped with her is not, you didn't see the red flags. You see them but you tried to manipulate the situation and so did she. If she didn't love you at all, she wouldn't be dragging her feet with you. Obviously she sees something valuable that she can manipulate and use you. So in a way, both of you are out manipulating each other. An authentic relationship is about sharing both resources and respect each other who they really are. When you begin with manipulating others, you'll attract others who will manipulate you.
Author mtnbiker3000 Posted December 7, 2013 Author Posted December 7, 2013 It honestly reminded me of a serial killer taking a "trophy" Yeah, right afterwards I thought exactly this as well. Think I even made a post about it months ago. I must say though, I think it's a good sign that you're so pissed. I haven't gotten to the anger stage yet but apparently it's a huge step in our recovery. Or so I'm told. Still all the stages are so fricken exhausting!!! Well I've been in and out of the anger stage for a loooong time. Really ready to leave it behind now... youl NEVER make that mistake again To quote Apocalypse Now: 'Absolutely G*ddamn right!' I've always observed those public proposals and shortly after contemplate how I might respond if it were to happen to me. Definitely not well..or what I might think a man would approve of/expects. My physical response would entail a lot of blushing, and my facial expression might be misrepresented as irritation. I don't even know if I would be able to answer the question. I'd be a rabbit ready to dart out of there.. whoosh. Just thinking about it puts me into a frenzy and my cheeks light up. Yeah, I've always thought those public proposals are lame too. It's just how that girl reacted with such excitement that got me to thinking!!!
Recommended Posts