adb22 Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 How does one get over trust issues, in general? I feel like I have a very hard time trusting people, because I've been lied to and I've seen so many people around me get lied to. Of course everyone has experienced that, but I don't know... It's starting to sink into my dating life. I've been in a relationship with a guy for almost 4 months. We are very, very comfortable with each other in so many ways, but he was dishonest about some things in the beginning, nothing huge, but it still bothers me a lot. he told me: 1) he had gone to college, but had to drop out for financial reasons *He never went to college 2) he told me he never cheated on a past girlfriend * I later found out he thought she cheated on him, so he cheated on her with a couple of other girls 3)He said he had only slept with 3 girls * he slept with 6 before me. I guess if he would've admitted to the total number, he would've had to admit to cheating on a pas gf. None of these are huge lies...and honestly, they lies, themselves don't really bother me. It's the fact that a few times I said, "is there anything else?" and he'd say "no" then I'd find out there was something else. Also, the fact that he felt he had to lie about such stupid things... It may sound like I'm overreacting, but I can't help but question, in my mind, everything that comes out of his mouth. How can I get over this?
ExpatInItaly Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 How does one get over trust issues, in general? I feel like I have a very hard time trusting people, because I've been lied to and I've seen so many people around me get lied to. Of course everyone has experienced that, but I don't know... It's starting to sink into my dating life. I've been in a relationship with a guy for almost 4 months. We are very, very comfortable with each other in so many ways, but he was dishonest about some things in the beginning, nothing huge, but it still bothers me a lot. he told me: 1) he had gone to college, but had to drop out for financial reasons *He never went to college 2) he told me he never cheated on a past girlfriend * I later found out he thought she cheated on him, so he cheated on her with a couple of other girls 3)He said he had only slept with 3 girls * he slept with 6 before me. I guess if he would've admitted to the total number, he would've had to admit to cheating on a pas gf. None of these are huge lies...and honestly, they lies, themselves don't really bother me. It's the fact that a few times I said, "is there anything else?" and he'd say "no" then I'd find out there was something else. Also, the fact that he felt he had to lie about such stupid things... It may sound like I'm overreacting, but I can't help but question, in my mind, everything that comes out of his mouth. How can I get over this? I don't think you're over-reacting in this case. He's given you reasons not to trust him. He's lied in the past and that has legitimately broken your confidence in him. I'd be very wary about him. How did you discover the truth about these things?
emva07 Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 I was thinking " he said his favorite color is blue but it's pink", "he said he was running late because of work but he just left home late" Those you mentioned are big lies.
Author adb22 Posted December 6, 2013 Author Posted December 6, 2013 With the college thing, I forget what we were talking about, but I was like "yeah, because you went to college for _____, right" and he's like "well, I actually didn't. I really wanted to, but I haven't. I thought you would look down on me, because I didn't" Soon after that. I'm like "seriously, do you have anything else you need to tell me. Now is the chance" and he told me the other two things. Now, that I think about it, they definitely not small lies, but I don't think they're the worst, like "Yeah, I robbed a bank or I used to sell drugs." But, still, not good at all.
emva07 Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 Seems that they are lies he made to win you over, but it's good he came clean about them and admitted why he did them. Hopefully that's the end of it.
Author adb22 Posted December 6, 2013 Author Posted December 6, 2013 And I'm not going to act like I'm completely innocent. I did log onto his facebook, when he was around, for other reasons, but got nosy and looked at his messages and I didn't find anything,really and I told him right away that I did it, and I was sorry for doing so. That, is when I'm like "seriously, I don't completely trust you. Is there anything else..and he told me about the other two things. *My mistake, I found out the other two things, when I looked at his facebook and asked if there was anything else, not right after the first lie.
tlegend Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 And I'm not going to act like I'm completely innocent. I did log onto his facebook, when he was around, for other reasons, but got nosy and looked at his messages and I didn't find anything,really and I told him right away that I did it, and I was sorry for doing so. That, is when I'm like "seriously, I don't completely trust you. Is there anything else..and he told me about the other two things. *My mistake, I found out the other two things, when I looked at his facebook and asked if there was anything else, not right after the first lie. Honestly, this is so unhealthy its sickening. If you can't trust his feelings for you, then how will you ever form a loving connection with him? Seriously...
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