Owl Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 You are right, I try to find reason in money, education, and ... love... I have been the BS before: one left me for a woman less smarter than me, but with money in a apartment, later (the same) left me for a woman, with money, a high paid job and a wealthy family, and now I am the OW to another wealthy woman. Feel low. But it might have had nothing to do with money in ANY of those cases. At this point, you'd be best served by focusing on building better relationship skills for yourself. Don't start relationships with married men,or unavailable men. Focus more on taking care of yourself, and that will be the most attractive thing you can do to begin with.
MissBee Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 First off, let me apologize for my language, English is not my first language. I am the other woman, and as all other women (I guess) is comparing my self to the BS. The BS comes from a rather wealthy family, as do I, But not in the scale as she, but we both belong in the middle class so to speak. She has a big heritage in her future, I don't - But I am better educated, and will some day, make more money on my own. My question is, do men really choose women with more wealth? My MM never really did anything much of his life, neither did his wife, but she was born into a family business, why she has more money than I do. Often times, you hear someone say, the MM don't want to leave the comfort life with his wife... Looking around, I see more men choosing women with money, and not the other way around. what is your take on this? Right now I feel bad, because I can't take care of a man - Am I off track here? This is actually a very strange idea. Where are you from? In most North American countries the idea is the opposite. There is no concept that a woman should "take care of a man" monetarily. The traditional idea is usually that the woman takes care of his emotional, sexual, domestic and other needs that are not related to finances/wealth. I never associate who a man "chooses" with how wealthy or not the woman is. That has never been something on my radar or most stories here as a factor. Usually the comfort of the MM's life is not about money but about familiarity and all that entails and it isn't comfort in the sense that a MM stays married so his wife can support him financially and if the OW is wealthier he will choose her... You shouldn't, in my opinion, go into relationships thinking about supporting a man financially. Being able to support yourself and be partners is what matters (should matter) in relationships in this day and age. I would not date a man or be serious about one who expected me to support him! Even if I make more money, that's fine, but so long as he can hold his own is what matters to me. Likewise, I don't expect a man to support me. I can hold my own and support myself and all I need is someone with whom I can build with who won't be a burden. Why do you think your situation is about wealth versus the myriad of other things it could (and most likely is) about?
Owl Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 Why do you think your situation is about wealth versus the myriad of other things it could (and most likely is) about? I think this is a key question...and what I tried to ask earlier, but not as concisely as you did, Missbee.
Author annaafair Posted December 6, 2013 Author Posted December 6, 2013 This is actually a very strange idea. Where are you from? In most North American countries the idea is the opposite. There is no concept that a woman should "take care of a man" monetarily. The traditional idea is usually that the woman takes care of his emotional, sexual, domestic and other needs that are not related to finances/wealth. I never associate who a man "chooses" with how wealthy or not the woman is. That has never been something on my radar or most stories here as a factor. Usually the comfort of the MM's life is not about money but about familiarity and all that entails and it isn't comfort in the sense that a MM stays married so his wife can support him financially and if the OW is wealthier he will choose her... You shouldn't, in my opinion, go into relationships thinking about supporting a man financially. Being able to support yourself and be partners is what matters (should matter) in relationships in this day and age. I would not date a man or be serious about one who expected me to support him! Even if I make more money, that's fine, but so long as he can hold his own is what matters to me. Likewise, I don't expect a man to support me. I can hold my own and support myself and all I need is someone with whom I can build with who won't be a burden. Why do you think your situation is about wealth versus the myriad of other things it could (and most likely is) about? i'm from france.... just consider woody allens match point .. it's just the fact that I see most of my girlfriends marred with men who are 'young boys' with a mother figure, i did that once, don't want to anymore, when I decided I want a independent man, I find myself single for six years...
Author annaafair Posted December 6, 2013 Author Posted December 6, 2013 I think this is a key question...and what I tried to ask earlier, but not as concisely as you did, Missbee. yes, maybe he just does loves her more. they have a history and so on, the don't have kids, a house or a loan, they just have each other. and he is cheating for the third time within their five years marriage.
Raena Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 yes, maybe he just does loves her more. they have a history and so on, the don't have kids, a house or a loan, they just have each other. and he is cheating for the third time within their five years marriage. The question then is... why would YOU want to be with him? If he cheated on her 3 times in a span of 5 years married, what kind of person does that make him? Not just.. why would he stay with her, but why would you want to be with someone who is a serial cheater? Why not just leave them to their own misery together? Just a thought...
Author annaafair Posted December 6, 2013 Author Posted December 6, 2013 The question then is... why would YOU want to be with him? If he cheated on her 3 times in a span of 5 years married, what kind of person does that make him? Not just.. why would he stay with her, but why would you want to be with someone who is a serial cheater? Why not just leave them to their own misery together? Just a thought... I am just in love, but I know that makes him a person I don't really want to be with - I am just wondering, what does it take to get a man, as I have both been the OW and BS...
Author annaafair Posted December 6, 2013 Author Posted December 6, 2013 The question then is... why would YOU want to be with him? If he cheated on her 3 times in a span of 5 years married, what kind of person does that make him? Not just.. why would he stay with her, but why would you want to be with someone who is a serial cheater? Why not just leave them to their own misery together? Just a thought... and I still don't get why he is still with her - I am certain he will cheat on her again once the opportunity is there
Owl Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 and I still don't get why he is still with her - I am certain he will cheat on her again once the opportunity is there Again...that's really none of your business. Even if he does cheat on her again...not your problem. You should be running away from this whole situation as fast as you can. As far as what does it take to "get a man"...well, as a man, I'd suggest that what attracts me is an intelligent, thoughtful woman, who puts some effort into making herself attractive (I don't mean that she has to be pretty, I mean that she has to demonstrate that she cares about herself by staying clean, keeping her hair done, etc...), and who has a personality that doesn't drive me away by being rude/mean/petty/etc... Basically, the same things that attract women to men. 1
Got it Posted December 7, 2013 Posted December 7, 2013 I really don't believe you, sorry if I come on rude to you. But did you really never compare, was there really any difference between you and her, the BS? That's fine, you don't have to but that is my answer. She was a nonentity during the affair. Sure there were differences, we are different people just like there were some similarities. I never google searched her, look for her on facebook, never crossed my mind to know what she looked like, etc. I know more now as he divorced but during that time it I just never saw it as any sort of competition between us. I did see it about whether or not he was ready to divorce, reconcile not seeing his kids every day, etc. but I didn't worry about him and her. Maybe because I knew she had had an affair. I just didn't think about it. I never saw it about him leaving for me or choosing one woman over the other. If he was leaving it was because he was ready to leave the marriage and my existence didn't play a factor. That is far too much pressure on my shoulders, to be the sole reason why he left. I stressed that heavily as I didn't want the resentment and bitterness. This was a decision he needed to make because it was the right decision for him.
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