what is it that men choose?

[annaafair]

First off, let me apologize for my language, English is not my first language.

 

I am the other woman, and as all other women (I guess) is comparing my self to the BS.

The BS comes from a rather wealthy family, as do I, But not in the scale as she, but we both belong in the middle class so to speak. She has a big heritage in her future, I don't - But I am better educated, and will some day, make more money on my own.

 

My question is, do men really choose women with more wealth? My MM never really did anything much of his life, neither did his wife, but she was born into a family business, why she has more money than I do.

 

Often times, you hear someone say, the MM don't want to leave the comfort life with his wife... Looking around, I see more men choosing women with money, and not the other way around. what is your take on this?

 

Right now I feel bad, because I can't take care of a man - Am I off track here?

[annaafair]

doesn't anyone really don't have a take on this???

[underwater2010]

I have known some men that like to be "kept" by the woman. But in most cases, I find that men prefer to be the bread earner and tend to become depressed when the spouse earns more than them.

 

 

Also, why would you want a man that is there for your money and not your love? It makes him a male gold digger.

[psm04]

I really think it depends on the particular situation and the type of person one is. My MM's wife doesn't work at all. Technically, I have more money, but he is staying with her. For me, staying with my H has nothing to do with how much money he makes. There are several factors that make someone stay or not stay with a person. In your case, the fact that he is financially secure with her is probably one of the reasons, but I wouldn't say that men choose women with more wealth as a generalized statement.

[annaafair]

I have known some men that like to be "kept" by the woman. But in most cases, I find that men prefer to be the bread earner and tend to become depressed when the spouse earns more than them.

 

 

Also, why would you want a man that is there for your money and not your love? It makes him a male gold digger.

 

yes, a male gold digger, or just a 'weak' male.?? why wouldn't a man look for a wife with financial securities, so he can be sure of his own future with her? make sure she can afford the lifestyle she supports... I just wonder, if money was not an issue, why won't the MM leave to be with us, OW?

[annaafair]

I really think it depends on the particular situation and the type of person one is. My MM's wife doesn't work at all. Technically, I have more money, but he is staying with her. For me, staying with my H has nothing to do with how much money he makes. There are several factors that make someone stay or not stay with a person. In your case, the fact that he is financially secure with her is probably one of the reasons, but I wouldn't say that men choose women with more wealth as a generalized statement.

 

But what are the exact reasons you won't leave. money and security can be build up again in no time, if You want to. are there kids involved or? I just don't get these vauge reasons...

[Got it]

I didn't see it as a comparison between her and I. I know I didn't compare myself to her. What I saw was about choosing the old life or a new one. Was he done with his marriage or not? Was he truly ready to divorce not contingent on me. It really has to be about whether someone is really ready to divorce (for the many different reasons) or not.

[annaafair]

I didn't see it as a comparison between her and I. I know I didn't compare myself to her. What I saw was about choosing the old life or a new one. Was he done with his marriage or not? Was he truly ready to divorce not contingent on me. It really has to be about whether someone is really ready to divorce (for the many different reasons) or not.

 

I really don't believe you, sorry if I come on rude to you. But did you really never compare, was there really any difference between you and her, the BS?

[underwater2010]

yes, a male gold digger, or just a 'weak' male.??

 

 

To me they are one in the same. I think that way of women that go after men for the same reason. I am not talking about people that work or that have the own finances.

 

 

why wouldn't a man look for a wife with financial securities, so he can be sure of his own future with her?

 

 

That is not what you presented. What you presented is a man that is only with women for their money. It is one thing to search for a partner that is financially secure on their own and can provide for their own needs. It is quite another to look for a partner that will carry your burden without contributing yourself.

 

 

make sure she can afford the lifestyle she supports... I just wonder, if money was not an issue, why won't the MM leave to be with us, OW?

 

 

It is simple....he DOESN'T want to.

 

 

 

see bolded

[annaafair]

*was there really not

[psm04]

But what are the exact reasons you won't leave. money and security can be build up again in no time, if You want to. are there kids involved or? I just don't get these vauge reasons...

 

He has kids, and that's a huge factor for him. I believe that they co-parent well together, and he doesn't want to lose that. I don't have any kids yet, but I want to, so I'm taking myself out of the mess before that. But there are several reasons. Stability, security, familiarity, extended family, mutual friends, society, so many more. I'd say he has all those reasons as well, plus I know that he loves his wife, just like I love my H. Even though some of the reasons above can be rebuilt, a lot of us stick with what we know we have built up already and what we are familiar with. Unfortunately, a lot of us pick all of that over the feeling of being in love.

[psm04]

OP, another thing I want to mention. You will drive yourself crazy trying to think of why your MM is staying. Everyone has their own reasons. Some might not make sense, but it makes sense to that particular person. Someone told me recently that I need to stop thinking about his M and his happiness and why he is or isn't doing something, and focus on myself and what I want. It's great advice. You need to focus on yourself and what you want out of this. Do you want to continue being the OW? Do you want him to leave his W? Have you told him that? Do you want to still be in the same situation a year from now? And please, do NOT feel like you can't take care of a man because you are in this affair situation. He can't take care of himself to begin with and face his issues. So please don't think that way.

[annaafair]

see bolded

That is not what you presented. What you presented is a man that is only with women for their money. It is one thing to search for a partner that is financially secure on their own and can provide for their own needs. It is quite another to look for a partner that will carry your burden without contributing yourself.

 

 

You are right, the MM I am with make his own money, but, but very little compared to his wife. his wife's family own their place and car. Sure he can take care of himself, but then he would not have a car etc... so I guess he is some kind of a gold digger..... she can support both of them, he cannot..

[Babolat]

First off, let me apologize for my language, English is not my first language.

 

I am the other woman, and as all other women (I guess) is comparing my self to the BS.

The BS comes from a rather wealthy family, as do I, But not in the scale as she, but we both belong in the middle class so to speak. She has a big heritage in her future, I don't - But I am better educated, and will some day, make more money on my own.

 

My question is, do men really choose women with more wealth? My MM never really did anything much of his life, neither did his wife, but she was born into a family business, why she has more money than I do.

 

Often times, you hear someone say, the MM don't want to leave the comfort life with his wife... Looking around, I see more men choosing women with money, and not the other way around. what is your take on this?

 

Right now I feel bad, because I can't take care of a man - Am I off track here?

A womans wealth does not matter to me, at all.

 

Having a stable job, a career, educated, passionate about something, that matters to me.

[annaafair]

OP, another thing I want to mention. You will drive yourself crazy trying to think of why your MM is staying. Everyone has their own reasons. Some might not make sense, but it makes sense to that particular person. Someone told me recently that I need to stop thinking about his M and his happiness and why he is or isn't doing something, and focus on myself and what I want. It's great advice. You need to focus on yourself and what you want out of this. Do you want to continue being the OW? Do you want him to leave his W? Have you told him that? Do you want to still be in the same situation a year from now? And please, do NOT feel like you can't take care of a man because you are in this affair situation. He can't take care of himself to begin with and face his issues. So please don't think that way.

 

thanks for the kinds words, I know you are right, my heart tells me so, but my mind....

[psm04]

thanks for the kinds words, I know you are right, my heart tells me so, but my mind....

 

No problem, it breaks my heart when I read about the pain that people go through. It reminds me of how I was in the beginning of my A. Even as a MOW, it lowered my self esteem, made me question my self worth as a person. I still do that. Even as I'm sitting here in NC mode, I wonder about my worth and whether he misses me and talking to me just as much as I do. F'd up.

[threelaurels]

First off, let me apologize for my language, English is not my first language.

 

I am the other woman, and as all other women (I guess) is comparing my self to the BS.

The BS comes from a rather wealthy family, as do I, But not in the scale as she, but we both belong in the middle class so to speak. She has a big heritage in her future, I don't - But I am better educated, and will some day, make more money on my own.

 

My question is, do men really choose women with more wealth? My MM never really did anything much of his life, neither did his wife, but she was born into a family business, why she has more money than I do.

 

Often times, you hear someone say, the MM don't want to leave the comfort life with his wife... Looking around, I see more men choosing women with money, and not the other way around. what is your take on this?

 

Right now I feel bad, because I can't take care of a man - Am I off track here?

 

I have an inheritance, but it is set up in a way that my future husband will never be able to touch it. It's "mine", but it's not technically my asset. He can't access it during the marriage, and he won't be able to take a penny of it if we divorce. The money in it will never be spent on him, me, or our lifestyle. I will use it to ensure a future for my children, and maybe even invest some of it one day, but that's it. Any man that would marry me for my money is in for a big disappointment.

 

I would expect his wife's money to be protected in the same way. I doubt it's being used to support their lifestyle in any way. To do so would be foolish.

[Raena]

My question is, do men really choose women with more wealth?

 

Often times, you hear someone say, the MM don't want to leave the comfort life with his wife... Looking around, I see more men choosing women with money, and not the other way around. what is your take on this?

 

To answer your original question... no, not all men choose an OW who has more wealth.

 

In my situation.... my ex chose someone who makes considerably less money than I do. Not only does she make less money, but she is less educated as well. She didn't get her high school diploma, but I'm working on starting a doctoral degree having already finished an associate's, bachelor's and master's degree. She currently doesn't have a job. I do. I'm not rich by any means, but I get by relatively well. She has two children she is willing to give up custody of to be with him, I would never give up my son to be with any man. She has tattoo's on her hands and piercings all up her ears, in her chin, in her tongue... and who know's where else. I have none of that, don't even wear jewelry most of the time and never got a tattoo. I did think about it, but even if I did, I wouldn't choose to put it somewhere that I couldn't hide just because I think it makes me less marketable job wise. She is also much younger than me, has nice hair, a large pair of breasts and a flat stomach. I'm older, weigh more than I should, have grey hairs and wrinkles.

 

You see where I'm going with this? I don't think it had anything to do with money... it had everything to do with opportunity and lust, and probably a mid-life crisis as well as a multitude of other reasons.

[annaafair]

I have an inheritance, but it is set up in a way that my future husband will never be able to touch it. It's "mine", but it's not technically my asset. He can't access it during the marriage, and he won't be able to take a penny of it if we divorce. The money in it will never be spent on him, me, or our lifestyle. I will use it to ensure a future for my children, and maybe even invest some of it one day, but that's it. Any man that would marry me for my money is in for a big disappointment.

 

I would expect his wife's money to be protected in the same way. I doubt it's being used to support their lifestyle in any way. To do so would be foolish.

 

Hi, I know her money is used to support their lifestyle. In fact she did support him for two years or so while he was unemployed. That's why I feel inadequate, because I won't be able to do that where I am right now.

[annaafair]

To answer your original question... no, not all men choose an OW who has more wealth.

 

In my situation.... my ex chose someone who makes considerably less money than I do. Not only does she make less money, but she is less educated as well. She didn't get her high school diploma, but I'm working on starting a doctoral degree having already finished an associate's, bachelor's and master's degree. She currently doesn't have a job. I do. I'm not rich by any means, but I get by relatively well. She has two children she is willing to give up custody of to be with him, I would never give up my son to be with any man. She has tattoo's on her hands and piercings all up her ears, in her chin, in her tongue... and who know's where else. I have none of that, don't even wear jewelry most of the time and never got a tattoo. I did think about it, but even if I did, I wouldn't choose to put it somewhere that I couldn't hide just because I think it makes me less marketable job wise. She is also much younger than me, has nice hair, a large pair of breasts and a flat stomach. I'm older, weigh more than I should, have grey hairs and wrinkles.

 

You see where I'm going with this? I don't think it had anything to do with money... it had everything to do with opportunity and lust, and probably a mid-life crisis as well as a multitude of other reasons.

 

I see where you are going. It is just that I have a certain view of men that cheats: Cake eaters, the have their home environment safe and so on, and the fancy beautiful woman on the side, it doesn't matter who she is, because she can't support him like his wife does.

 

If a man loves a woman regardless of money etc.. why does these men always choose to be with their wifes?

 

It hurts me deeply too think I am not wifey material like these BS are, and I can't imagine any of you OW feel the same way? I know I asked this before...

[starryeyedsurprise]

IMO, it has nothing to do with money, and here is my story:

 

Me - 2 Bachelor degrees, own a house, a car, full time secure job for over 10 years. Thin, blonde, green eyes, a hottie. Responible, 1 tattoo, no piercings, stable, not on medication, not depressed, not mental. Normal.

 

Her - did not graduate HS, has a child with another man who fathered 3 of her friends kids as well. No job, no money, no home (lives with family until she can get stable) On medication, smokes pot, tons of tattoos. Brown hair, very very bad teeth, overweight.

 

See what I am getting at here? He chose to stay with her.

[annaafair]

IMO, it has nothing to do with money, and here is my story:

 

Me - 2 Bachelor degrees, own a house, a car, full time secure job for over 10 years. Thin, blonde, green eyes, a hottie. Responible, 1 tattoo, no piercings, stable, not on medication, not depressed, not mental. Normal.

 

Her - did not graduate HS, has a child with another man who fathered 3 of her friends kids as well. No job, no money, no home (lives with family until she can get stable) On medication, smokes pot, tons of tattoos. Brown hair, very very bad teeth, overweight.

 

See what I am getting at here? He chose to stay with her.

 

thanks, Ok, I get it somehow, but what kind of men chooses that? I am well educated, so is my MM, not his wife, so does the un-educated women win? Please, I don't mean to offend any BS here, I am just trying to find a pattern in these men..

[starryeyedsurprise]

There is no pattern, they are just cake-eaters. The cheaters are like those children who become obsessed with the new toy, and than after being used and used, they toss the toys away with no further toughts, and most of the time never look back.

 

Most of the time, these cheaters have mental issues, Narcs, psycopaths, ADD, etc. They love the attention and will get it from who they can.

 

I get it, people meet all the time, attraction will always exist. It's the men who act on it, they have no clue on how to be real men or husbands. That's just my opinion.

 

Bottom line, they are liars and manipulators. They are doing it to their wives, and they will do it to you. It doesn't matter who they pick, because they will do the same to you. A cheater will most likely cheat again. I am not saying all, I am sure there are cases where no cheating ever happens, but thats only in the movies.

[Owl]

thanks, Ok, I get it somehow, but what kind of men chooses that? I am well educated, so is my MM, not his wife, so does the un-educated women win? Please, I don't mean to offend any BS here, I am just trying to find a pattern in these men..

 

I think you're working really hard to make this look to be about money, or about education, rather than to look at it as being about love, or an established relationship, or history together.

 

He chose to remain with his wife.

 

Maybe it had something to do with her money, or her education. Or maybe it had to do with him simply choosing to remain married over getting divorced. Or maybe he actually loves her and chose to keep that relationship over his relationship with you when he was forced to make a decision.

 

It doesn't matter WHY he made the choice that he made, or what kind of man makes the choice that he did. The only thing that matters is that he made a choice, and now you need to move on with your life.

 

It's entirely possible (or even probable) that his choice had nothing to do with his wife's current riches, or your future earning potential.

[annaafair]

I think you're working really hard to make this look to be about money, or about education, rather than to look at it as being about love, or an established relationship, or history together.

 

He chose to remain with his wife.

 

Maybe it had something to do with her money, or her education. Or maybe it had to do with him simply choosing to remain married over getting divorced. Or maybe he actually loves her and chose to keep that relationship over his relationship with you when he was forced to make a decision.

 

It doesn't matter WHY he made the choice that he made, or what kind of man makes the choice that he did. The only thing that matters is that he made a choice, and now you need to move on with your life.

 

It's entirely possible (or even probable) that his choice had nothing to do with his wife's current riches, or your future earning potential.

 

You are right, I try to find reason in money, education, and ... love... I have been the BS before: one left me for a woman less smarter than me, but with money in a apartment, later (the same) left me for a woman, with money, a high paid job and a wealthy family, and now I am the OW to another wealthy woman. Feel low.