Technickal Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 hey guys, me and my girl have been together for 1.5 years. right now she is 3 hours away in college. I last saw her on Sunday night, I drove her up to her campus, we had a great weekend, she told me she loved me, I came back home. 2 days later she calls me drunk proposing an open relationship. she literally said she just hopes I wouldnt get mad if she kisses or cuddles another person. She then said she can seperate love and lust, and that I can mess with girls she wont mind either, as long as we remain. I couldnt believe what I was hearing. I woke up the next day called her and broke up with her. she was crying and saying she doesnt remember saying those words, but she did. It was hard but I ended it. Ive been going through hell last couple of days (cant sleep/eat) so I called her and asked her if she really meant what she said that night. she said no, she can barely remember. I told her I reacted to her action, so if she didnt mean those words I didnt mean mine. I also asked if we can put this behind us. She says she cant handle all of this right now, she says she cant believe I dumped her and now want her back, she says shes so hurt she needs time and space. She loves me but this is all too crazy and she needs time. It so messed up right now. I dont even know what Im doing with myself. I need some serious help.
ConstantVoyager Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 Take what she said when she was drunk seriously. She may not remember it, but that doesn't mean she didn't mean it. I rarely jump on the s/he MUST BE CHEATING bandwagon, but I'd say the odds are very high she's at least emotionally involved with someone else. I'm sorry. 4
Author Technickal Posted December 6, 2013 Author Posted December 6, 2013 I know calling her back was a very weak move and gives her all the power. but I did it anyway. very foolish of me. but I was hurting so bad and had no1. now Im still hurting. I dont know what to do next
ConstantVoyager Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 Talk to her seriously about the issue of another man in her life then decide what you need to do based on that information.
Keenly Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 Apparently she did mean it, because if she didn't and she really wanted to be with you, she would have accepted your offer to put it all behind you. Instead she wants to take this opportunity to shift the blame into your territory for even considering leaving her. Textbook guilt tripping. 8
Peanut9330 Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 Apparently she did mean it, because if she didn't and she really wanted to be with you, she would have accepted your offer to put it all behind you. Instead she wants to take this opportunity to shift the blame into your territory for even considering leaving her. Textbook guilt tripping. Agreed^^ and now she will use this time to explore her options without the guilt of cheating on you. 2
emva07 Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 (edited) most long distance college relationships don't stand a chance.....this is one of them. she was in a night of drunken partying with cute guys all around. She meant it at the time....then changed her mind. Now all of a sudden it's your fault. I would've dumped her too....freedom is what you want? freedom is what you get. You're not going to come to me and play these games. Now you need time? Have your time indefinitely. People don't like being dumped, it's an ego buster, hence the crying. "I need time" means I want to fool around most times....in college, IT DEFFENITLY MEANS THAT. Edited December 6, 2013 by emva07
Author Technickal Posted December 6, 2013 Author Posted December 6, 2013 well i already made the mistake of calling her trying to repair things and now she wants time. obviously she is exploring her options while im sitting here waiting for her. im in such a weak position right now guys. what can I do Im going crazy
ExpatInItaly Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 Apparently she did mean it, because if she didn't and she really wanted to be with you, she would have accepted your offer to put it all behind you. Instead she wants to take this opportunity to shift the blame into your territory for even considering leaving her. Textbook guilt tripping. All of this. I think she wants to move on, or perhaps already has but is suffering some major guilt. She didn't know how to break up with you, OP. She saw this as her out.
emva07 Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 well i already made the mistake of calling her trying to repair things and now she wants time. obviously she is exploring her options while im sitting here waiting for her. im in such a weak position right now guys. what can I do Im going crazy Get out of the weak position and live your life to the fullest. You are young, enjoy it, go out there and explore.
OnlyHonesty Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 She wants to ride the college carousel and have you as a fallback guy waiting for her just in case she needs something a bit more stable. It was a mistake to call her back but you did it, time to move on. If you take her back, you will regret it. You dumping her came from your gut instinctual actions and it is what will serve you best, stay with that. I don't believe she has forgotten what she said, it's just an excuse. No doubt the same excuse she will use for sleeping with someone else. 2
Eivuwan Posted December 7, 2013 Posted December 7, 2013 anyone else you can tell her that you're not going to wait and that you're moving on.
Author Technickal Posted December 9, 2013 Author Posted December 9, 2013 its so sick that the blame is on me now. and that i broke up with her. I had no option really, cant believe how she tricked me. she wanted us apart and made me do it. its so sick guys.
ExpatInItaly Posted December 9, 2013 Posted December 9, 2013 its so sick that the blame is on me now. and that i broke up with her. I had no option really, cant believe how she tricked me. she wanted us apart and made me do it. its so sick guys. You're right, it is sick. And it's also very weak. I'm sorry you're in so much pain OP. I think most of us can identify with you. Let yourself feel angry or sad. Don't try to hold it in too much. The more you work through those feelings the better equipped you will be to heal. Very Oprah, but it's true.
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