bimmer Posted January 1, 2005 Posted January 1, 2005 Looking for some advice on a really bad situation I'm in. I dated a girl about two months ago or so, I'll call her Jen. It was fairly casual, we went on four dates, and at that point I realized I just wasn't feeling the connection that I orignally thought, and I told her I thought we should move on. We DID have sex. We also still talk as friends, but do not see each other. The fourth and last date, I went out with her and her friends/roommates. I was attracted to one of her roommates (I'll call her Lisa), and seemed to feel some sort of connection with right off the bat. Not sure why or how, but I did. Lisa and I start casually emailing, nothing serious just joking around and being stupid. A couple weeks later I decided to take the plunge and I emailed Lisa my number, knowing fully that she would most likely tell Jen. She did, and Jen sent me a nasty email back saying it was unacceptable for me to have done that. Lisa told Jen that she would not be calling me. A week or two go by, we continue emailing, and eventually start text messaging and calling each other. We get along extremely well, and start talking for hours almost every night on the phone. We find out we're incredibly similar in many ways, and have a lot in common. I feel a real strong connection to this girl, and she states to me the same. She even states that she feels like she could possibly be falling in love with me, but doesn't know how it's even possible. All while this is going on, Jen knows nothing of it, and we always have this cloud of guilt over our heads, and we have no clue what to do about it. A couple more weeks go by of talking, and we decide we HAVE to meet up just to make sure that we're not going through all this stress for nothing. We meet up, and as expected, we hit it off in a big way, which makes things even harder since we know we can't consistantly see each other. So we continue to talk for a few days, and I can sense her starting to pull away. Not responding to texts, not calling as much, etc. I knew something was wrong, and it turns out she basically just started freaking out because she couldn't handle the sneaking around and the guilt any longer. Can't say I really blame her, but at the same time I've developed a big attraction to this girl, and it hurts me to see her pulling away. She doesn't know what to do and is completely confused. She is really happy living with these people, and does not want to screw up her living situation and her friendship(s). I personally think Lisa should approach Jen and be completely honest about the situation, and hope that she's understanding about it. But she doesn't want to take the risk of screwing everything up, which I guess I can understand. I just don't think sh'es going to lose a friend because she went to her and was completely honest to her. So that's where it stands now. We've pretty much stopped talking, even though we're both crazy about each other. I have to admit I'm a little ticked about all this because I only went out with Jen four times, and I didn't think it was anything serious. Lisa says that Jen thought it was a lot more serious than I did, and it would hurt her to know she has been talking to me. I REALLY want to date this girl...we have so much in common and there's such a huge connection there that I have almost no doubt we'd get along great. Any advice would be appreciated!
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 1, 2005 Posted January 1, 2005 Sticky situation. Hell has no fury like a woman scorned: particularly when she was dumped for her roommate. She will pull the "poor me" crap to manipulate you and your new girl apart, and that is just a sad fact of life. She can't handle being found lacking, and doesn't want her roommate to enjoy those things that she didn't have with you. There is really little you can do, outside of keeping all your interaction with her away from the apartment until your girl can find a new lease. I imagine that the ex will make your new girl's life a living hell if she decides to stay with you. I surely do feel sorry for your new girl. If she refuses to see you, or refuses to look for a new lease - then she is accepting the situation and has prioritized her roommates needy insecurity over any happiness that you two would have had. Then you kind of have to wonder how serious she was about it, if she is willing to give you up over something lame like that.
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