mina1687 Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 So I met this guy off a website and we've been dating for a couple of weeks. We've seen each other a lot during this time. I've been noticing recently that he's hot and cold, he seems to pull away and then come back which sends me mixed signals. For example one day he'll text a lot and be real chatty, the next not hardly at all. I've found he's not an overly affectionate person. He's not completely non-affectionate, but sometimes he'll be affectionate and then other days I won't as much get a a kiss or a hug - not even when leaving which is bothersome to me since I am a very affectionate person. I'm not the type of person who has to flaunt myself all over my significant other or have to be all over them, but I'm all about cuddling if just hanging out or even holding hands, etc. I've hung out at his house a lot and one thing that's really bothered me recently is that he seems to fall asleep while I'm there a lot. He does work a lot, I understand he gets tired, but I also feel like if you're going to have me over, don't fall asleep on me. It happened again last night very shortly after I arrived and so I didn't stay long. We had talked prior to me going over and he told me he was tired, but wanted to still see me. I agreed to go over for just a little while, although I didn't expect he'd fall asleep within 20 minutes of me being there. I was irritated and left, I'm sure he knew I was irritated by my body language. I did send him a text after I got home explaining to him that I understand he gets tired, that I know he works a lot and that I don't want him to feel obligated to see me if he's really tired. I was very sincere and kind in the text I sent. I never received a response from him last night, which I didn't expect to since I knew he was asleep. I received a "hi" text this morning, but no response to what I had sent to him. This really ticked me off, because I felt like I took the time to send him something nice that told him I was understanding, but he didn't have the decency to even acknowledge it or say thank you. I know it's too early to ask about where things are going. I'm not wanting to put the exclusive title on us yet, although I would like to know how he's feeling about where things stand between us right now and how he's feeling about things so far. I wish I could ask him about that without making him feel pressured because I know how easily men can feel pressured and cause them to run for the hills. Although, on the flip side I feel like I should totally be able to ask him about this, because if he's really interested in me and interested in seeing where this is going then it shouldn't be a taboo subject to discuss. This all goes back to communication as well and not being afraid to let each other know how you're feeling. For those who have experienced this and you've felt like you really need to have an understanding of what's going on and how someone is feeling about you, how have you approached it? I definitely don't want to put any unnecessary pressure on him, I would not be addressing this with him because I want exclusivity or that I want to be his "girlfriend" tomorrow, that's not what this is all about at all. I am just a very "need to know" person and if someone isn't sending me signals for me to be able to figure it out on my own then I feel like I need to ask.
deathandtaxes Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 Just follow his lead for now. When he's hot, be hot. When he's cold, be cold. You will encounter problems when he's pulling back some and you're pushing. Mirror him for a while and see what happens. And if it's chronically like this - he just goes back and forth, either decide that you want to deal with it or just walk.
Author mina1687 Posted December 6, 2013 Author Posted December 6, 2013 But the thing I always wonder and question is why do I have to take his lead, it's not all about his lead - there are 2 people in this relationship, 2 people who have feelings involved and I am not all about following just one person's lead. Like I said I'm not interested in putting a label on things right away and don't need exclusivity, but I don't think wanting to know how one feels about the time spent together so far and how they feel about how things are progressing is much to ask and isn't something that should have to avoid being talked about.
StanMusial Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 Why do you like him? He seems boring. I would find someone else.
PegNosePete Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 Sheesh cut out the childish texting. Use your phone for the purpose it was made and TALK to him. You will get an instant answer, and glean more information from his tone and voice than you can ever fit into 160 characters of text.
Author mina1687 Posted December 6, 2013 Author Posted December 6, 2013 He's not boring, he really isn't. When we're together we have fun, albeit the times he's fallen asleep on me. Really I'm just a need to know type of person, I've never been one to be able to just go with the flow without knowing what's going to happen next. I also am the type of person that over analyzes things, that's who I am, I've always been that type of person. However when it comes to dating and relationships I feel like people should be upfront, open and honest. Why should someone feel like they can't ask questions if they are wondering about something. Why should one have to restrain and just take someone's lead.
Author mina1687 Posted December 6, 2013 Author Posted December 6, 2013 Sheesh cut out the childish texting. Use your phone for the purpose it was made and TALK to him. You will get an instant answer, and glean more information from his tone and voice than you can ever fit into 160 characters of text. You're right - thank you for this reminder. I hate the "should I / shouldn't I" as far as wondering if it's okay to ask something, call, text, etc. Thank you for this again :-)
StanMusial Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 He's not boring, he really isn't. When we're together we have fun, albeit the times he's fallen asleep on me. Really I'm just a need to know type of person, I've never been one to be able to just go with the flow without knowing what's going to happen next. I also am the type of person that over analyzes things, that's who I am, I've always been that type of person. However when it comes to dating and relationships I feel like people should be upfront, open and honest. Why should someone feel like they can't ask questions if they are wondering about something. Why should one have to restrain and just take someone's lead. Maybe you caught him on a bad day then. Although it seems like it happened more than once? You're dating for two weeks, this is what dating is, finding out if you want to continue with this person. Falling asleep on you is not a good sign. I fell asleep on a date once but that was during Titanic and it's not my fault it took 3 hours for that gd boat to sink.
Author mina1687 Posted December 6, 2013 Author Posted December 6, 2013 Maybe you caught him on a bad day then. Although it seems like it happened more than once? You're dating for two weeks, this is what dating is, finding out if you want to continue with this person. Falling asleep on you is not a good sign. I fell asleep on a date once but that was during Titanic and it's not my fault it took 3 hours for that gd boat to sink. LOL about the Titanic. I know he works a lot, he works long hours and I think it probably doesn't help that since we have spent a lot of time together at night that has meant very late bedtimes for him and early wake up times which probably intensified the exhaustion (not making excuses, just trying to think logically). I told him that he does not need to feel obligated to have me over if he's exhausted, that I will/do understand if he's tired and that we can see each other another time when he's more rested.
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