Katiee01 Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 Hello everyone, I had no idea where to post this so I thought I'd throw it in the general section. I've recently created a giant mess in my life by cheating on my boyfriend. Here's the backstory... I've been with my boyfriend for years but in the past year or so we've been going through month long rough patches followed up by two good months and the cycle continues. Up until recently my boyfriend had an insane workload and was working two part time jobs and finishing a graduate degree. I've spent a lot of our relationship alone and feeling like I was in a long distance relationship without the long distance. A couple of months ago we had a giant blowout about our relationship and I'm honestly surprised we are together right now. I have a guy friend that I've been really close to for a few years. My boyfriend was uncomfortable with my friend at first but eventually got to know him was okay with us hanging out and going out together in groups or alone. My friend is pretty much like my best friend. He is always there for me and listens to me. We just have an awesome friendship. He has been in a relationship similar to mine but a lot more serious. He is kind of in the same place as I am except him and his girlfriend have been on a break for a few months. My friend had a one night stand with one of my friends and lead me to discover that I had feelings for him. I took it really hard when I found out they had sex. I decided to keep my feelings to myself for obvious reasons. I got in another argument with my boyfriend and went over his house and drank way too much. I was drunk and confessed my feelings for him and he told me has feelings for me. We ended up making out but nothing else. After that he has been telling me about his feelings for me for a few weeks. He has asked me on numerous dates which I've declined because of my boyfriend. We've kissed a couple other times but only a quick one. I am filled with guilt and disgust with myself. Here's the tricky part. You'd think that since we are both unhappy in our current relationships and have feelings for each other, we'd just date each other. He has so much baggage. He is 14 years old than me. He has three older children. He is divorced and has a crazy ex-wife that he is always arguing with. His current girlfriend is so attached and involved in his life because of the kids that I could see her being there which is fine. He has a really crazy past like a player and has slept with so many women. He doesn't really have relationships. He has been in a couple but traditionally is single. He told me that he would want to have a serious relationship with me but I don't know what to. I have a couple close friends that do not know him but I've told them about the situation and they all think I should just stay friends with him because of everything. Please someone give me some advice because I am going out of my mind.
Philosoraptor Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 Sounds like your boyfriend was right by being uncomfortable with this guy. You need to be honest with your boyfriend first and foremost. By keeping what you did silent your relationship is built completely on a lie. After that you either both agree to fix your relationship or end the relationship. 3
d0nnivain Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 End your relationship with your BF. It had enough problems already. This was just the final nail in the coffin. You don't have to jump into a relationship with your friend & that isn't a good prospect anyway but get out of your current situation.
Clay Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 I would end your relationship with your boyfriend and honestly seek counseling. You really need to take time out and examine who you are and decide who you want to be in the future. You just crossed a line that will never lead to any kind of a meaningful relationship with any man. I would try to address that problem first before entering into any relationship. If any decent guy find out that your a cheater they are going to not even the time of a day. I am not trying to bash you so please don't think that when I tell you these things. I just hope you fix yourself so you can go on and have a good life. Clay
Imported Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 (edited) Cheated on my boyfriend with my friend That almost never happens. So odd. edit: Oh, it must be the circumstances!!!! Totally unpredictable. Edited December 6, 2013 by Imported
AlwaysGrowing Posted December 6, 2013 Posted December 6, 2013 So, instead of supporting your BF during this stressful time in his life, you decided to make it all about you. Two jobs, and going to school...trying to better himself, financially take care of himself..and you looked at that as being a slight against you. How dare he!!!!! Having an affair is a very immature way to get attention. What was it about his schooling and supporting himself made you feel threatened? Are you a person who needs validation, even when you know the other person is taxed? Maybe, sitting down and really trying to figure out what you value would be of benefit. By this post, you value an immature/dysfunctional OM over a hardworking, motivated, disciplined one.
Kate9292 Posted December 7, 2013 Posted December 7, 2013 You are unhappy with him, you said it. Have you talked about it to him? Have you confessed already?
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