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in love with married woman. Ugh.

c0nfusedm98

By c0nfusedm98
in The Other Man / Woman

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c0nfusedm98 Member

c0nfusedm98

Posted
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Been in a 7 month affair we a married woman. And I think I love her. As in, I want to have her to myself. It started out just casual sex, but over the last 4 months or so, it's developed into an incredibly emotional relationship.

 

Problem is.. She's hitched obviously. But not just that, she's got 2 kids.

 

I know, dumb huh? How can I be so dumb and naive to honestly think she'd leave her hubby and sacrifice being a full time mom. I mean, it's pretty stupid and selfish on my part to ask her of this.

 

But, I can't help it. She's told me she feels the same way and is trying to maneuver a way to get out of her marriage and get custody of the kids.

 

I know this won't end well. So, so many things going against us.

 

I'm single. She's married. She's older, got kids. But damn, is she so sexy. I mean, I've had a lot women in my time. But this chick is just HOT.

 

But the real kicker is, we can literally make love to each other for hours and talk for hours and hold each other. We laugh, we hug, we even have fights. I mean, for all intents and purposes she's my girlfriend. We even do the same things and like the same stuff.

 

It's just snowballed. We never planned it too. But it's just happened I guess.

 

I'm in love with a married woman! Crazy but true.

 

Advice?

BOREDouttaMymind Established Member

BOREDouttaMymind

Posted
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I only read the first 6 words of your post.

 

you know exactly what to do and what not to do.

 

your problem is you want to do something you know you shouldn't be.

 

I think you should go and mess up someone's relationship.

 

know why?

 

because down the road, someone is going to ruin yours, and all that pain youre going to feel is going to be a kick in the ass, and youll finally know what you made another guy feel when you ruined his relationship.

imperfectangel Established Member

imperfectangel

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why not tell her how you feel and see where it all falls?

 

if someone truly wants to be with someone else, they will be

 

people with kids separate/divorce every day

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c0nfusedm98 Member

c0nfusedm98

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I've been cheated on in the past. I know that it's not ethically sound to be doing this. But it started with pretty clear boundaries. She was hot. I'm hot. She wanted to bang and we did. But then it just kinda took off I guess.

 

I have no doubt that I'm a major problem for their "marriage" but it's not all my fault. Her hubby is a jerk and abussive to her. So.... Yeah, I'm not really gonna shed a tear on his behalf. :)

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c0nfusedm98 Member

c0nfusedm98

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why not tell her how you feel and see where it all falls?

 

if someone truly wants to be with someone else, they will be

 

people with kids separate/divorce every day

 

 

Yeah, we both feel the same way. She is figuring it all out with how to divorce and get custody of the kids- she doesn't want to be a part time mom. And I would never ask her to choose between me and her kids. But she's tired of her marriage and they've been separated for about 3 weeks. Problem is, is that we still have to have our relationship in the shadows, like we're some criminal ninjas or something. It's tiring. I love her. I want to scream it. Not continue to feel like I'm her dirty little secret.

threelaurels Established Member

threelaurels

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Yeah, we both feel the same way. She is figuring it all out with how to divorce and get custody of the kids- she doesn't want to be a part time mom. And I would never ask her to choose between me and her kids.

 

Yeah, not going to happen. The only way someone can get full custody of the children is for the other person to do something really, really terrible to the kids. She can't just deny him the right to be a father to his children because she wants to leave her marriage. That she would even suggest such a thing speaks to her selfishness.

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imperfectangel Established Member

imperfectangel

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why does she NEED full custody? if he was that "abusive" I'm sure that would've been mentioned in your OP

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c0nfusedm98 Member

c0nfusedm98

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She wants full custody cause she doesn't want to be part time in her kids life. And I respect that from her. If I'm being honest and blunt, I wouldn't mind if they got joint custody of the kids. That would mean more time with her.

 

Just being honest.

 

I'm in love with her, I feel the way I feel.

 

But I'm conflicted cause I know this isn't going to go well. But I can't stop. I mean, I know we all have free will and stuff. But I love her and she loves me.

 

I'm just questioning about if I should keep doing this, or If I should back off. I've done this before with her, but she pulls me back in.

Cinnimon Established Member

Cinnimon

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My advice would be, strap on a industrial strength seat belt for the ride you are about to take.

Remove all razor blades and sleeping pills from your house.

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threelaurels Established Member

threelaurels

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She wants full custody cause she doesn't want to be part time in her kids life. And I respect that from her. If I'm being honest and blunt, I wouldn't mind if they got joint custody of the kids. That would mean more time with her.

 

Just being honest.

 

I'm in love with her, I feel the way I feel.

 

But I'm conflicted cause I know this isn't going to go well. But I can't stop. I mean, I know we all have free will and stuff. But I love her and she loves me.

 

I'm just questioning about if I should keep doing this, or If I should back off. I've done this before with her, but she pulls me back in.

 

So her husband should lose the ability to be in his kids' lives just because she doesn't want to be a part-time mom? Do you realize how terrible that would be for her children? To have the father they know and love just disappear from their lives one day and never come back. You respect her for wanting that?

 

I hope you never have kids with her because she will have this exact same attitude about you and your children if you ever split up. You sound very young and naive.

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c0nfusedm98 Member

c0nfusedm98

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So her husband should lose the ability to be in his kids' lives just because she doesn't want to be a part-time mom? Do you realize how terrible that would be for her children? To have the father they know and love just disappear from their lives one day and never come back. You respect her for wanting that?

 

I hope you never have kids with her because she will have this exact same attitude about you and your children if you ever split up. You sound very young and naive.

 

 

Yeah, it's a pretty messed situation I won't lie. I respect that she wants to be a mom first and foremost and she isn't just dropping everything at a whim for me and abandoning her kids. I respect that. She's a great person. She just shouldn't have married the guy she did. If he was so great and stuff she wouldn't be with me. Pretty simple really. When I got cheated on, I wasn't to surprised cause I was a completely *****ty boyfriend for the most part.

 

And I don't know how great of a father he is. We really don't talk about him to much. He's kinda an afterthought for her right now, basically and obstacle pretty much. That and her marriage. Like I said, she shouldn't have been married to him. She's just in a difficult position. If our relationship blows up and stuff, then I guess it does. But I would like to give it a try and fail. Than to just never try and always wonder with "what ifs" and "I coulda shoulda" type of things.

 

I won't regret anything with her. I love her. She's made my life better these last 7 months.

 

 

I'm 25. She's 29. Her kids are 6 and 8. I think she's been married for 9 years or so. Probably 9 or so years to long.

Babolat Established Member

Babolat

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Tune up the boat, get the rods and bait out, and go out to sea to find another HOT one.

 

You are in a mess my friend. I got real close to this myself recently, never had sex with her while she was with the bf though and told her I could not ,so we stopped hanging out. Months later she broke it off for good and then, and only then, did we start having sex. Even then I waited a month+ to make sure it was right in my head.

 

And, why are you concerning yourself with her husband, how he is, how he treats her, the kids, etc? That is really, really none of your business.

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c0nfusedm98 Member

c0nfusedm98

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Tune up the boat, get the rods and bait out, and go out to sea to find another HOT one.

 

You are in a mess my friend. I got real close to this myself recently, never had sex with her while she was with the bf though and told her I could not ,so we stopped hanging out. Months later she broke it off for good and then, and only then, did we start having sex. Even then I waited a month+ to make sure it was right in my head.

 

And, why are you concerning yourself with her husband, how he is, how he treats her, the kids, etc? That is really, really none of your business.

 

I know. I'm being stupid. But I love her. I guess I'm in it to win it so to speak. I don't concern myself with her hubby, he is what he is. I don't really care, she tells me these things. And I was just answering other posters questions.

 

Thanks for your advice. I know, I'm in for some rough seas. But love is blinding. And she's got the high beams on.

Iguanna Established Member

Iguanna

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I think I love her, I want to have her to myself

 

VS

 

is she so sexy, this chick is just HOT

 

 

Nah you don't love her. You just like to f#ck her. Enjoy it for as much as it lasts and let her go.

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c0nfusedm98 Member

c0nfusedm98

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Nah you don't love her. You just like to f#ck her. Enjoy it for as much as it lasts and let her go.

 

I love her very much. And yeah, she is hot and sexy and I love ****in' her. Love it. And I love her. Everything about her is amazing. It's not just sex it's real. If it was just booty I'd just tap that for dayzzz and move on to the next one. I love her and I want to give it a go.

Owl Established Member

Owl

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I love her very much. And yeah, she is hot and sexy and I love ****in' her. Love it. And I love her. Everything about her is amazing. It's not just sex it's real. If it was just booty I'd just tap that for dayzzz and move on to the next one. I love her and I want to give it a go.

 

Hmmm.

 

Do you want to "give it a go", or are you planning on marrying her and having a life with her?

 

See my signature, then I'll be interested in hearing what you're really looking for out of all of this.

bentleychic Established Member

bentleychic

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I've been cheated on in the past. I know that it's not ethically sound to be doing this. But it started with pretty clear boundaries. She was hot. I'm hot. She wanted to bang and we did. But then it just kinda took off I guess.

 

I have no doubt that I'm a major problem for their "marriage" but it's not all my fault. Her hubby is a jerk and abussive to her. So.... Yeah, I'm not really gonna shed a tear on his behalf. :)

"We are both hot so we banged."

 

Sounds like a great foundation for a long lasting relationship. I think you should run away with each other. I'm sure you'll be happy forever after.

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veryhappy Established Member

veryhappy

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You and your little friend take a deep breath.

 

Chemistry doesn't mean anything. My exAP was crazy about me, best sex ever, sparkle and fireworks. Do you know where his life is now? He's being romantic with the wife. That's not me to be clear.

 

If you want her and don't want a mess tell her to get her situation straight i.e. divorce and then come after you. If she's already separated the wheels are in motion. The trouble with being there to hold their hand while they are conflicted about ending a R is that 99% of the time the outsider becomes the enemy wanting to tear apart the family in their eyes. Everybody needs a scape goat.

 

You're too involved in her drama. Her hvwill likely get every other weekend and a few days extra. Not that big of a deal. Unless he's a stay at home dad or some other game changer. That's enough of time alone for you to continue to eff without interruptions. The kids excuse is ridiculous coming from her. Men at least have some ground to use it.

Iguanna Established Member

Iguanna

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"We are both hot so we banged."

 

Sounds like a great foundation for a long lasting relationship. I think you should run away with each other. I'm sure you'll be happy forever after.

 

I don't know why but what came to my mind was the scene from Baywatch serie where people with swimming suits just run for no reason, boobs going up and down haha I'm stupid sorry :p

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yellowmaverick Established Member

yellowmaverick

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I don't know why but what came to my mind was the scene from Baywatch serie where people with swimming suits just run for no reason, boobs going up and down haha I'm stupid sorry :p

 

 

:laugh::laugh::laugh: I am not going to be able to erase this image all day!!

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Woggle Established Member

Woggle

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If you believe her husband is as bad as she says I have a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you.

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Iguanna Established Member

Iguanna

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:laugh::laugh::laugh: I am not going to be able to erase this image all day!!

 

Oops :p Sorry! :o

Realist3 Established Member

Realist3

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Hmmmm... you face a similar situation that most single affair partners face.

 

1. The MW has to make a decision that you are more important to her than being a full time mom to her kids. She won't get full custody. As difficult as that decision is for married men I think it is way more difficult for women. The weight of that decision is the reason so many single OW/OM get strung along for so long. It is much easier to have the AP on the side than to make such a life altering decision.

 

Here is the tricky part. If she does end up making that decision it can't be because of you. If it is because of you you might as well run to the tattoo parlor the very next day and get a tattoo across your forehead that reads, "This Will Never Work!" Your best bet is to leave her alone completely until her divorce is finalized. That way she can make her decisions outside of the affair fog with clear head. Otherwise when she starts questioning her decision when she is missing this or that holiday or event or whatever with her kids resentment will start growing towards you, especially after the 'honeymoon is over.'

 

2. You don't really know each other. You know each other within the affair bubble, but that is nowhere close to reality. You both get to see all of the good and very little of the bad. At your age you probably barely know yourself. Are you really ready to be a stepfather to two kids and all that entails? They may resent you for breaking up their family. Then what?

 

I'm just going to put it bluntly. No matter how hot she is you are taking your free-caring/free-wheeling/fun-loving young life and placing yourself into a very treacherous position that will most likely end very very poorly. All for what, because you love her and she is hot? Too much baggage that you do not need to deal with at this point in your life.

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zevahc Established Member

zevahc

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She wants full custody cause she doesn't want to be part time in her kids life. And I respect that from her. If I'm being honest and blunt, I wouldn't mind if they got joint custody of the kids. That would mean more time with her.

 

Just being honest.

 

I'm in love with her, I feel the way I feel.

 

But I'm conflicted cause I know this isn't going to go well. But I can't stop. I mean, I know we all have free will and stuff. But I love her and she loves me.

 

I'm just questioning about if I should keep doing this, or If I should back off. I've done this before with her, but she pulls me back in.

 

Several things here...first, I'm nobody to judge this...i'm also a single OM. In love with a MW. it's tough...my advice...run free and clear...she's M.. I've been in this over 2 1/2 years...and it has taken me 9 months of this year to feel like i can get away from the torture...and i'm still not free and clear entirely. Love is not always enough...time and circumstance are factors.

 

But the big thing that pisses me off here...and i am pissed. I have kids. It is NEVER right for a woman or man to selfishly fight for full custody of the kids just because they don't want to be a part time mom / dad. Look....the only damn question that needs to be asked here..is what is best for the kids. If dad is a good dad, then don't take his kids from him just because you choose to sleep around. I'm a single dad...have been since my daughter was a toddler...my ex left...to go live a single life. But this is wrong. Her reasons are invalid. That's pure selfishness.

 

No matter what two adults do...if there are kids involved, grow up. Unless I've missed it there is no valid reason for full custody. If she doesn't love him, she can get a D, but he should have the same parental rights as she does if he is a great parent. Separately, they can work out what best visitation is for the children. Visitation and custody are separate issues....

 

Sorry...this struck a nerve..but I felt it needed to be said....

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imperfectangel Established Member

imperfectangel

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I'm hot she's hot so we banged ugh how romantic - sounds like every woman's dream or like bad porno more like

 

sorry but she sounds awful wanting to cut her kids dad out of their lives just because she's "banging" someone else... will you be their new daddy then or are you just until she finds someone hotter to date?

 

if she can do it with you she can do it TO you

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