In need of for my ridiculous situation

[theogofguitar]

Right off the bat I'd like to thank any and everyone who reads this and can offer some opinion or advice...Let's get on with it

 

I've been with my current girlfriend of about 11 months. Over the summer we have had our fair share of breakups, getting back together again and again. I'm 23 and she is 20. We fell for each other pretty quick however we've had issues that keep occurring over and over. We just recently split 2 weeks ago. This is our 3rd time breaking up, and for the first time I have initiated it. For our entire 11 months her ex has been in contact with her, he would text her and she would respond also contact through twitter. The first time this was addressed I told her that I didn't appreciate it, this was in the beginning of our relationship. She understood and had gone on to tell me and still does that she hates her ex, she had left her ex but had cheated on him swell while they were together. I make and made it a point to say I leave my past in the past and I expect you to do the same. However the first time we broke up she instantly went to talking to him and hanging out with him while we were not together, she went as far as to tell me she ****ed him, though instantly after said she said this to get me mad(which still makes NO sense to me), to get my attention. She would again repeat these same actions during the 2nd time we broke up, both of these times it being her who broke us up. I've had my fair share of things I needed to improve on and did for her because I understand that growing and becoming a better person and not repeating mistakes is what a relationship is about. However I had asked her again to stop contact with this ex, she had lied to me about talking to him on twitter in front of my face, swell as talking to other guys and I had called her out on it in that instance.It wasn't so much what she was doing but that she had lied to my face.

She claimed that her ex was saying and telling her things I should have been doing, and I told her that my condition was that you cut your past out of ur life for me to want to make this work. So a few months go by, we have our differences and such but she begins to constantly tell me that I do not do enough for her. I work 50 hours a week, also am a aspiring musician but she claimed I did not need to work the amount of hours I do, that I never put her in my life.I make it a point to see her every night I get off work, have even cancelled shows to spend time with her. I've written and recorded an entire CD for her, and never once have I ever cussed her out, used her past against her or just blatantly tried to make her jealous or talk to other girls whatsoever. She consistently made me feel like everything I do is not good enough, and when she would get drunk tell me how her ex was so much better than me and how ****ty I am.

The past 2 weeks was the final straw..11 months into our relationship and I had saw on her twitter she was following and talking to her ex AGAIN. I didn't start a fight but had pointed it out to her, and she began to go on about how I work to much, how I stay at a **** job, that I don't need to work and that I never have time for her(i work 2-midnights 5-6 days a week) She began to also tell me everything I do is wrong, that I put my music and work in front of her and she never felt wanted.

To me that was it, I told her Im breaking up with her, and honestly the main reason was this ex. She constantly had kept him around, though told me she hated him. Wether through text or twitter or Facebook. Yet she claimed she wanted me again and again. This was the 4th time she had promised me this and I told her I'm done.

We met a few times and she began to beg and say I'm so sorry I will never do it again, yet had told me how she talked to him during this breakup, also had set up a date and lied when saying if she had talked to any other guys.

I know twitter is quite weird and childish to use as a catalyst to break up a relationship but it was the principal of the matter. To me your ex should be cut off contact right away in a new relationship, certainly should not carry on after 11 months and should not have to beg 4 times to get her to not talk to him.

She claims its him who initiates this but when I ask her why she responds at all, why she doesn't block him and why she talks to someone she supposedly hates I just get "I don't know"

She once again has promised to prove to me she loves me and wants only me and will not talk to him, but also complained that i work 6 days again this week.So people am I crazy or insecure? Is it unreasonable to as that you keep ur ex in the past? Should it have to happen 4 times? hold anyone put up with sum one repeating any mistake 4 times in a row?

Am I naive, is she possibly going behind my back and cheating? Should I have just raised my red flag the first time, and more importantly am I just plain ****ing dumb for still having her around and trying to make this work. And If i do want to make this work HOW the hell do I ever go about trusting her again?

 

I'm sorry for the wall of text and the long story but anyones advice or outlook would be BEYOND appreciative at this point. Thankyou again

[BOREDouttaMymind]

isn't it interesting that 100% of the time whenever someone writes a lengthy post, they always apologize for it being so long? I mean, ya I do it do. I just realized this.

[hshae]

It sounds like to me she still has feelings for him. And I looks like to me that your much more mature than her and she's not ready to stop playing games.. I am the queen of second chances though and it's really a down fall because I just get hurt more and more. But if this it the third time and she still hasn't talked to him and you still wanna work on it... I think she has a lot of proving to you to do.... because a relationship is nothing without trust. That's just what I think though..

[Keenly]

Get the hell away from this woman. Its all about her. What she wants

How she feels. Never is it about you. She doesn't give a damn that you don't like her talking to her ex. She will keep doing it. You deserve better.

[Augustus64]

She's using you. still has feelings for ex and Probably cheated on you with ex since to her your not around enough, exes know what buttons to push. your request is absolutely reasonable also your way ahead of where she is in terms of maturity. Let her go bro. focus on your career then blow up and write a song like all american rejects, gives you hell.

[theogofguitar]

Thankyou for the advice and words everyone..It's a difficult situation. I just feel as if nothing will ever change with her, and I'd like to make it a point that I am not superman, I have plenty of faults of my own but I have never talked to other girls, or kept any exes lingering around.

 

I guess my main issue is that all I ask in a relationship is honesty and to be treated the way you would like to be treated. There is a small part of me that hates that something like social media and texting can start a chain of events like this. But in my case having an ex hanging around for this long. I just can't find any reason as to why. I'm not a very jealous person, and don't mind if she hangs out or talks to guys as friends in that way. But to have an ex that you just 'hate' so much still be around, well that's just kinda messed up to me, and is very suspicious. I do really care about her and love her but it almost seems like if you loved someone and cared about them why would you do the same thing over and over that causes a problem. I would almost feel like I'm a fool myself if I went back, and at the same time a part of me wants to fix it but my personality is very trusting, maybe too much so.

 

Anyways thank you all again, and hopefully I can make it big one day with the music, I'm releasing an album in a few weeks so maybe I'll get lucky haha.

If there is anyone else with any opinions or light to shed on this feel free to add your comments. It's nice to hear that I'm not just crazy and being ridiculous and am going about things in the right manner