backatone Posted January 1, 2005 Posted January 1, 2005 Well, I am back. Been reading her for a little over a year while I WAS with my ex. Rundown: Dated ex for 7 months. I broke up with her because I was a little unsure of what I wanted. Tried to get her back cause I felt like I lost a friend and 4 months later I got her back. Now we have been on for about 8 months. Im 24 she is 25 Over the past 2 months I noticed she just wasnt right. She was not attending her favorite hobby (martial arts) she was sleeping sometimes 12-13 hours a day, starting to put on a tad of weight and our sex life slowed to a hault. Obviously I was pi$$ed about the sex part and would nag her about it. So, 2 days before New Years Eve I called her out on it and said look, I think your depressed and it is hurting our relationship. She agrees and tells me that she is unhappy with where her life is. This is the most depressed I have ever been she stated. She has a college degree and she is working as a waitress at a nightclub. She said she hates her job. She also said that she cant understand why she has ZERO sex drive and that it is not fair to me. We get back to her house and she says she just needs a TIME OUT from it all. "I dont want to break up, I just need a time-out to figure myself out". She says, I love you and I am still attracted to you I just hate where my life is and I need to figure it out. I say fine and turn around and walk away. Now, I talked to one of my buddy's girlfriends who has a degree in phsycology and she says that what she is going through is a QUATER-life crisis. Stating that she went through it as well and that it is a pretty common thing (she showed me the book titled Quater life crisis). On the other hand, I am fully aware that I could have possibly just been let down really easy by a girl that claims she wants to spend the rest of her life with me, but just pushed me away. I know when you are depressed you dont want to do anything and probably the last thing you want to do is have sex. The no contact thing I am fully aware of and has been implemented since I walked out her door 3 days ago. She is about to turn 26 and talks about that every week. She cant make her mind up on a career and seems kinda lost. I think that is why I broke up with her the first time around Are these signs of a girl that is depressed and trying to figure her life out.........or did my so called future wife just fall out of love with me and let me down easy? Thanks and once again.....Im back on the boards.
BrainRightHeartWrong Posted January 1, 2005 Posted January 1, 2005 backatone, feels like an excuse to me, where i live Ireland, most people have a degree, all my friends are graduates, some are even pHd most of us are unemployed or have sh*t jobs we don't like or way below our level of education what your girlfriend is going through is typical here, she has to wise up for herself, a job is only a job , its not a love affair! sounds like there is no spark in the relationship which may explain the low sex drive i'm just out of a relationship myself, it feels terrible how did you get her back before? 4months is a long time
alphamale Posted January 1, 2005 Posted January 1, 2005 she needs to see a psychiatrist. these are some symptoms of clinical depression. and the malady usually does not manifest itself until the mid to late 20's.
_Saffy_ Posted January 1, 2005 Posted January 1, 2005 i agree with alpha.......eek what am i saying.........!! there are signs of clinical depression there, and it should be checked out.
Weird Posted January 1, 2005 Posted January 1, 2005 Yeah man I am with alpha. I dont think it is an excuse or that she doesnt want to be with you. She just is at a point in her life where she doesnt know wtf she is going to do and just feels down about it (and worried I would bet) and is most likely clinically depressed. The excessive sleep, putting on weight and low sex drive are all signs of real depression.
moimeme Posted January 1, 2005 Posted January 1, 2005 OMG! I agree with Alpha too! LOL It doesn't matter whether thousands of people in her group have degrees and junk jobs (and likely they don't; that problem is the case in some parts of the continent but not others) she wants more out of her life than slinging booze and is upset because she doesn't even know what. By all means suggest counselling. There are also some excellent websites and books to help people figure out what they want in life, but if she is truly depressed, she'll not really be interested in any of it which is why she should likely see a counsellor first. Don't cut her off - she needs support now. Depression just sucks the life and energy out of people and your encouragement may help her to get herself some help where she may feel too weary to even do that for herself.
Author backatone Posted January 1, 2005 Author Posted January 1, 2005 That is what I was thinking. But as males and I guess females....we naturally think that there is someone else. So lets move on to the next thing then. Is this a legit reason to not talk to me for a while? Is this a legit reason to take time out of a relationship?? Why would she not want me by herside to help in the fixing of this? Just something she has to do on her own? Obviously I love her and want the best. But, she wants a TIME OUT. I cant just wait around for her.
moimeme Posted January 1, 2005 Posted January 1, 2005 Every thing you have to do when you're depressed seems like another burden. Even relating to other humans seems to require more energy than you have. It is very common for people who are depressed to shut themselves away from everyone. Sometimes they start thinking they are a burden to other people - people who commit suicide can often be thinking that way. I suspect that she just feels it's too hard to manage her own life plus be in a relationship. You might suggest to her that you just be friends for a while but don't be surprised if she rejects even that. Let her know you are concerned and will be there if she needs you - if you mean it. Think of being the tiredest you've ever been - when you were even too tired to eat. That's pretty much how she's likely feeling.
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